Two wakes. Two funerals. Two days.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

A,B.C. and D are dear friends and all worked together 25 years ago.

A’s Mom had a brain aneurysm a year ago. Surgery fixed it. She was in rehab. Filled with Cumadin to help thin the blood. Fell. Hit her head. Massive brain bleed. Died a few days later.

B’s Dad had an aortic aneurysm. A few weeks ago. Surgery fixed it. He was in rehab. Filled with another blood thinner. Fell. Hit his head. Massive brain bleed. Died a few days later.

A’s Dad has been dying of Alzheimer’s for years. Was so far gone last year when A’s Mom died that he did not know she was gone.

A’s Dad died a week ago Sunday morning. Two and a half damned hours later, B’s Dad died.

A’s Dad’s wake was Wednesday night at Funeral Home S. A’s Dad’s funeral was in the local Roman Catholic church, which we shall call for the purposes of this post The Church of Most Painful Timing. A’s Dad was buried on Thursday out of the church and interred immediately after.

B’s Dad’s wake was Thursday afternoon- at Funeral Home S. Three HOURS after we buried A’s Dad we waked B’s Dad. B’s Dad’s funeral was Friday morning. At the aforementioned Church of Most Painful Timing.

B was there for A, somehow balancing the tremendous shock of the sudden loss of her father while supporting A and her family and loved ones. A was there for B, having just buried her father she came to the wake for B’s father and the funeral as well the following day.

C and D were there throughout. I’m married to C. I was there throughout.

A terribly sad strange coincidental week. All in a very small town in New England. A’s Dad and B’s Dad attended the same church. Though A and B are close friends, there’s no evidence that A’s Dad and B’s Dad were friends though they’d clearly seen each other many times over the years.

It does seem to me that the hyperfocus of a loss of a loved one got … diffused slightly? Not that one or the other was not taken care of by all. But because they had to be there for one another, I wonder if it eased the sharp pain. A little. Or if it made it harder to get through.

Either way, everyone involved is utterly spent and sad and regretful that we saw each other at funerals instead of at the lake sipping frozen drinks and laughing.

Here is to a kind and loving and strong Dad. Times Two.

:frowning:

2

That is so sad :frowning:

I don’t know about your friends, but for me, having two deaths close together made it much harder to deal with the one that mattered most to me.

In October of 2009 my grandmother passed away. It was a sudden thing; she fell ill and died within the space of a day. As it happened, that day my husband traveled to Europe for a 3 week business trip, so he wasn’t able to be there for me as much as he would have liked.

A week after he came back to Canada, his grandmother fell suddenly ill and died within a few days (totally different cause). I wasn’t able to go to the wake for her - it was just too damn difficult, on the heels of losing my own grandmother - but I did go to the funeral. The funeral had all of the children and grandchildren up around the casket, and I found myself alone with my (step)mother-in-law in the audience. I am so grateful to her, for allowing me to cry on her shoulder the whole time; I missed my grandmother so much and I struggled to deal with this. So, while he couldn’t be there for me because he was overseas, I couldn’t be there for my husband because I was still grieving too much.

I still miss my grandmother immensely; I think the whole situation was so unfair and since my husband and I weren’t able to support each other, I think the most acute grief lasted much longer than I would have expected. Actually, I think I’m still not done.

The whole thing just sucked. Death is hard enough, without doubling up on it.

3

I’m sorry you and your friends have had such a difficult week.

Grief is isolating and personal. Nothing, not your best friend’s own sorrows, nothing, takes your mind off it. One may go through the motions of sharing the sadness, but in the end, we grieve alone.

4

It’s rough, Cartooniverse, and terrible being reminded that, hell, another death and funeral could be right around the corner, and there’s not a damned thing anybody can do about it.

A year ago (this very week in fact) Sweetie’s mom died. She’d lingered for a month after having a massive heart attack. Before that he’d been her full time caretaker as she was suffering from advanced dementia and partial paralysis from a long ago stroke. As much a relief as a sorrow, he took it very hard. It doesn’t help that the Ukrainian Orthodox church his family attends holds two funeral services; the Panakhida and the funeral and burial service the following day, which include a full liturgy with some of the most heartbreakingly morose hymns ever sung.

A month later, her brother, his uncle, died in his sleep. (The one he liked, not the ornery old bastard he didn’t. As he said, morbidly, “Why’d it have to be my GOOD uncle?”) Also not entirely unexpected; he was fighting lung cancer, but his chemotherapy had seemed to be going well. Cue two more funeral services. We got home from the final one and there’s a message for Sweetie on the answering machine; an old friend and mentor of his from way back had died. Funeral the next day.

He did not handle that month very well, and we nearly broke up from the stress. We are doing much better now, but it was a rough time.

5

It’s a tough universe, Catooniverse. I’m sorry you and your friends are going through this. Be strong.
-D/a