OK, I admit I have become addicted to watching the UFC lately.
One thing I noticed is how most fighters have a nickname.
BJ “The Prodigy” Penn
Jens “Little Evil” Pulver
Randy “The Natural” Couture
etc.
So here I am, a 54 year old guy, wishing he was in the middle of all this.
So I started to think of a nickame for myself.
Here are some of my idea’s:
Buck “Marginally Handsome” Wheat
Buck “I thought this was a party” Wheat
Buck “Who are all these people?” Wheat
Buck “Are we having fun yet?” Wheat
Buck " I threw up a little bit in my mouth" Wheat
Buck “Will this hurt?” Wheat
Buck “No cops, OK?” Wheat
Buck “Beer at my house later” Wheat
Buck “I need to change my shorts” Wheat
Buck “Fat Chance” Wheat
Buck “I made weight! And more!” Wheat
Buck “Will my insurance cover this?” Wheat
Buck “Man Tits” Wheat
Buck “AARP doesn’t recognize UFC as an occupation” Wheat
Buck “My other body is Randy Couture” Wheat
Buck “What will it cost me for you to take a dive?” Wheat
Buck " Go easy, I’m old" Wheat
So what would your fighting nickname be?
Rand “The Rand” Mcnally
I am so fucking hardcore.
I’m the same place. I keep thing if I wanted to do this I should have started training… oh… 40 years ago?
Don’t Fight The “Hey, watch those elbows!” Hypothetical.
Yep, 40 years ago for me too.
But damn that looks like a lot of fun!
Hell, I did stuff like that with my older brother (Viet Nam Vet) and my cousins!
The most alive I have ever felt.
Nothing compares afterwards.
So you say.
And why should we believe?
With a nickname like mind, you’d be a fool to not be quivering in your shoes as we speak.
Or type.
Happy “Scrappy Hero” Pup.
Happy Scrappy “The Hammer of God” Hero Pup.
Happy Scrappy “I Fucked Your Sister In The Ass- How You Like THEM Apples?” Hero Pup.
Happy Scrappy “Insert All The Lyrics From ‘Mama Said Knock You Out’ Here” Hero Pup.
Happy Scrappy “Forget Karate, I Got Me A Ka-Smith & Wesson” Hero Pup.
Monkey “Mountain Gorilla” Mensch!
Whatever you go with, please don’t choose “The Pit Bull” as your nickname. Approximately 10% of all UFC fighters wind up with that one.
I just heard them use it again on a promo during UFC Fight Night Live Saturday night. Then they introduced Joe Lauzon as “J Lo”. If I was in the octagon and they announced me that way I’d whip Bruce Buffer’s ass right on the spot.
Hung “The Uninsured” Mung
Hung “Can’t Afford Groceries” Mung
Hung “The Unshaven One” Mung
Dusty "X-Tremely Contagious " Butt
They’d never lay a hand on me!
“The winner by default for the 10th straight year…”
The Man Show came up with some good rasslin’ nicknames, but I wouldn’t want one of their choices for myself. As I recall, they went with Adam “Ostrich Sack” Carolla and Jimmy “The Calligrapher” Kimmel.
- Max “The Max” Torque
Bel- “Not in the face! Not in the face!” -rix
Bel- “Spooooooon” -rix
What’s UFC?
-Sun “So bright I gotta wear shades” Space 
Ultimate Fighting Championship
Actually, Madd Maxx is my UFC nickname.
Otto “The Preminger” Lastname.
Wil “The Volleyball” Son.
Damn, I was going to go with Justin “Not in the face!” Sexton
I was watching the other night, and the fight was between two guys both nicknamed “The Natural”. Neither was Randy Couture. Odd.
Another fight that night was "The Philosopher versus “The Diplomat”. Guess all the badass nicknames are used right up.
Oh, and there’s a guy named Jens Pulver, and his nickname is NOT “The Pulverizer”. I thought was kind of a gimme.