UK Street parking question

Ok, I live in a quiet street which has far too many cars and not enough driveways! Here is my problem, pretty much on a daily basis some mother f***** parks either over my drive way or opposite. It’s mainly visitors to neighbours over the road from me or next door to me!

My wife goes ape, as she is learning to drive and will find it very difficult to get on and off the drive when the afore mentioned mother f***** has parked across our drive way. The majority of the time they only partially park across it and even I find it difficult to get on and off. But sometimes people actually park right across our drive making exit and entry impossible!!!

Ok now I’ve vented some of my steam I’ll get to my question,** is it illegal for someone to park across our drive way? As you can see I’m getting pretty pssed with this and if there is some action we can take to prevent people blocking our entrance to the house then I’d like to know about.**
If any dopers out there can help, please let me know as either myself or my wife, actually probably just my wife (she has a tendancy to go mental at times) will be comitting some gross act of criminal damage by smashing up the above mentioned mother f
***** car.

Mods, feel free to put this in the pit but I’m wanting an answer to the question emboldened above

In the US, a phone call to the police will lead to the car being towed. Once it is towed away, the driver has to pay a fine, plus towing charges in order to get the car back.

When this happened to me, I knocked on every door nearby until I found the culprit and asked them politely to move.

Have you tried calling the police? I’m sure they’d be very sympathetic - providing they had the manpower to do anything. Or the local council.

My late grandparents lived in a place with high tourism. Mo****fuckers used to actually park in their driveway, totally blocking them in. When I was a kid we found that a “Do not park here” sign stuck to the windscreen with axle grease did nothing for getting rid of the car, but it did feel quite satisfying.

(Emphasis added).

As I read this, it says that although it is crass behavior, and might lead to liablity if it resulted in an accident, it’s not a crime, per se. I’d call the authorities and complain anyway. See, ;

I am not your lawyer; you are not my client. If you look carefully at my lips, you’ll realize that I’m actually saying something else. Give up.

If this is happening regularly, you could ask your local council about whether there could be some sign put up to indicate that parking is forbidden on your driveway. When I’ve been in England, there have seemed to be lots of signs (including painted lines on the kerb) to indicate parking restrictions. If the local council isn’t responsible for these signs, I’m sure they can refer you to the body which is.

Sure you can do something. If they block your driveway they are guilty of obstruction


You have the right to be able to get in and out of your driveway without obstruction.

Make two big, clear, signs saying “If you obstruct this driveway your car will be clamped and towed within 10 minutes”. Stick them either side of the driveway. Have the numbers of the local clamp-and-tow gangs on speed dial.

If you don’t want to sully yourselves by involving the tow gangs, then you can exact a more stealthy revenge. If the car owner leaves even a tiny crack of window open, take a syringe and squirt milk through the window, aiming for any of the car’s upholstery. In a few days time, the stink will render the car more or less unusable.

You can also superglue the petrol tank cover shut. This will cause a nice amount of grief next time Mr Selfish comes to refill.

You can also smear every handle on the car with the glue they use in mouse and rat glue traps.

Shoving potatoes up the exhaust pipe is another fun idea.

Or just puncture one of the tyres.

Or get a T-Cut solution and write something very offensive on the paintwork.

If the property has a dropped kerb it is illegal to park there.

You may have to apply to your local council’s highways and transport department to have this done.

If they then block the entrance to the property you can call the police to fine them for illegal parking/obstruction.

Otherwise, just let all their tyres down.

While visiting my brother, someone blocked his driveway. My brother got a plastic bag, wore it like a glove, and picked up some dog shit (shiite). He then applied said shit to all door handles of the car, packing it in such a way so it would not be easily noted. We sat in his living room in wait, until the poor souls returned. :smiley:


OK, now you’ve done it.

Axle grease, spoiled milk, super glue…

But you had to go bring dog shit into it, didn’t you?

Oh well, this was headed for the Pit anyway. I’m clamping it down and towing it over there. Pit mods, do your worst.



Take off and nuke the car from orbit - it’s the only way to be sure.

When people visiting the probable brothel opposite me started parking in my driveway, I just parked across them so they couldn’t get out. When the doorbell rang, there was I, can of cider in hand. “Sorry, I’ve been drinking. I’m in no fit state to drive a car.”

This blog may be of interest.

I knew I shoulda said shite, this being a UK thread and all.:frowning:

Ten cc’s of quick setting epoxy injected into the door locks. If you have epoxy left over, write a pithy message on the hood of the car and throw some glitter or dirt over it.

I have a driveway up to the edge of my property and enough paved space in my front garden for 3 cars to park.
The local council duly continued the driveway across both the pavement and grass verge, then painted a sign on the ground to show no parking across the driveway. (They like off street parking.)

Despite this, I recently noticed someone starting to park obstructively. I politely asked them to move. they responded by saying they couldn’t see any drive. :rolleyes:
I said the police could sort it out, when the driver promptly left. A police officer later told me they could charge the driver with obstruction.

I personally wouldn’t use any of the (admittedly amusing) methods of annoying stupid parkers already mentioned. What if the bstrds either call the police, or simply smash your property?

You’re talking shit :stuck_out_tongue: (Shite is more Irish than British)

Take some putty/caulk and outline letters to a rude word on the car’s hood. Pour Coke in the outlines and walk away.

Set fire to the car. Lay in wait in few meters away. When they return to the scorched remains of their vehicle, shoot them in the knee. As they limp away from the burning wreckage, trail them. Find out where their parents live, where their kids go to school, where they work. Steal their parent’s monthly pension checks. Write nasty things about their children on the walls of the children’s’ school. Prank call their bosses pretending to be a parole officer for only the most vicious sex offenders. Or you might just call a tow truck, but judging from the other responses in this thread, you live in Vigilanteland. :rolleyes:

All of this goes terribly well with the Google advert, “Driving Lessons in Harrow”.

We do lay claim to the Daily Mail :eek: