Um, just fucking stop.

[davenportavenger]

@John Corrado

Um, fuck you. Given the nature of the communications over the internet, one has to be careful to convey nuance and emotional meaning in order to accurately communicate. By starting a post with “Um”, I help define a reluctance to speak or an insecurity- given that most of the posts that I start with such are statements of factual correction, it can be the difference between an interpretation of “Excuse me, but I think you’re incorrect” and “Fuck you, asshole, you don’t know jack” while retaining an informal and casual conversational tone.

My other alternative is to use smileys, and I abhor the little fuckers.

ITA. Emoticons piss me off to no end. And what exactly is the difference between “um” and :rolleyes: anyway?

I say “um” a lot on the board, but I also say it a lot IRL, so at least my condescending assholishness is consistent.

[Frank]

@Binarydrone

Miller, in truth it really is all context. You, specifically, are one of the posters that I can not recall ever being annoyed by, so you might say that your username and the reputation behind it trumps anything like that.

Better get cracking, Miller.

@davenportavenger

Emoticons piss me off to no end. And what exactly is the difference between “um” and :rolleyes: anyway?

When I use :rolleyes: , it takes the place of, “Your superficial twaddle is inane and ignorant, and factually mistaken as well.” Saves keystrokes, y’know?

[Miller]

@Binarydrone

Miller, in truth it really is all context. You, specifically, are one of the posters that I can not recall ever being annoyed by…

Jeez. Cut my heart out, why don’t you?

[drm]

I’m pretty sure I’ve started a number of posts with ‘hmmmm’, but for me it means I had to search my brain for a while to come up with the answer. Nothing more than that.

[UncleRojelio]

@lezlers

hell yeah. That is one of my biggest board pet peeves. It just makes you sound like a condescending asshole.

Um, I happen to be a condescending asshole. What have you got against condescending assholes? Are you some kind of condescending assholist?

[UncleRojelio]

@anyrose

yikes! such vemon!
and by assigning female characteristics to the target of your ire, you are merely reenforcing the stereotype of the threatened male lashing out

That or he has been watching too much Deadwood.

[Bippy_the_Beardless]

So, yeah, well, whatever.

[Fish]

The alert and conscientious forum prowler shall deem it no great wonder, nor should indeed bat an eye more than a lash’s width, to estimate my own position on this sacred topic of unrelenting perfection in one’s habits in the art of the communiqué. If I may write candidly, the essential conflict between ignorance and blissful enlightenment can only find relief in the presentation of fact and opinion devoid of all traces of character.

It is through the suppression of personality that we may jointly achieve the harmonious standard of education for which our collective strives. Just as in dancing out the location of pollen-bearing blooms near his hive, no bumblebee ever stopped to declare his uncertainty or to assault his listeners with his caustic wit, this writer seeks tirelessly for ways to eliminate all trace of character and humanity from his verbiage and would never stoop to even gentle mockery.

Although this skein was woven by a poor student with much to learn in the art, its message retains all validity, conveyed though it was in the cloak of fuckery fuck fuckem assholes fuck who fuck fucked assholes fuck fuck.

Let us now turn to our benefactor, the Chicago Reader, and call upon its principals to seize the maleficent Cecil Adams, whose irregular spewings of vile character and personality in a public venue, interspersed though they may be with the occasional fact, and prosecute him for having feelings of an almost human nature. The pinnacle of our standards of socio-communal behavior requires that all persons forevermore refrain from engaging in anything which has, um, personality.

[JohnBckWLD]

Without the u(h)ms, Touch & Go’s 'Would You…?" just doesn’t have the same flair.

[John_Mace]

Binarydrone: When it comes to humor, you’re one of my favorite posters around here. But this Pit thread is, um, just lame, lame, lame.

Um, just in case you missed it:

@Binarydrone

@Ethilrist

How do you feel about people who start their posts with "Oh. " rather than "Um, "?

Can’t say that I have seen that one, or at least not enough that when I do my opinion of the poster automatically goes down.

Right after the OP:

@Binarydrone

Oh. And a preemptive fuck you to the first douchbag that posts "um, perhaps you should switch to decaf". That one is played as well.

[XT]

Guilty as charged. I use ‘um’ a lot…probably because I say ‘um’ a lot, usually when I’m trying to grasp the right english word I’m groping for. In the context of this board I usually use it when I’m being sarcastic or maybe trying to be funny. I do believe though that I won’t take the OP’s well meaning advice and refrain. Most dopers already find me annoying enough, true, but hell, why not push them over the edge? I, um, really enjoy it.

I’m am sorry it annoys you Binarydrone…I really don’t have a major problem with you and regret that the use of ‘um’ annoys you. Myself, I think it gives some humanity to peoples posts…something sometimes lacking in this form of communications. I use smiley’s a lot too…someone can boil me in oil for that next week…

(yeah, I use pregnant pauses too…gods above and below I’m batting a thousand)

-XT

[Uvula_Donor]

@xtisme

(yeah, I use pregnant pauses too…gods above and below I’m batting a thousand)

Pregnant pauses are fine as long as they don’t give birth to “…wait for it…”.

[XT]

I don’t THINK I ever did the …wait for it…thing. But I have to admit its possible. Its not something I do a lot as its really only funny in CS, and then only in some threads where you are drawing out a punchline. Sort of a magicians flurish I suppose.

(another smiley…sigh)

-XT

[JohnBckWLD]

Pregnant pauses are fine as long as they don’t give birth to “…wait for it…”.

Or even worse: “…drumroll please…”

[whole_bean]

um . . .

wait for it

no.

[John_Mace]

@JohnBckWLD

Or even worse: “…drumroll please…”

5, 4, 3, 2… until someone comes along with another “clever” expression.

[rayh]

@John Mace

5, 4, 3, 2… until someone comes along with another “clever” expression.

I think it goes
5…

4…

3…

2…

…wait for it…

um.

[blondebear]

Rats. I was just about to start a couple of threads in CS:

Uma Thurman was good in Pulp Fiction, wasn’t she?

Umma Gumma: I think “Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving With a Pict” is possibly Floyd’s worst song…

Back to the drawing board.

[What_Exit]

@blondebear

Rats. I was just about to start a couple of threads in CS:

Uma Thurman was good in Pulp Fiction, wasn’t she?

Umma Gumma: I think “Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving With a Pict” is possibly Floyd’s worst song…

Back to the drawing board.

Yes Uma was food in Pulp fiction, but I love that song. I converted a C&W listener to Floyd with that very song.
Ummm, where you joking?

Jim

[Smeghead]

Zuh?