Um, that doesn't mean what you think it does...

A local realtor listed a very high-end property on his website, describing it as featuring “a garden of great notoriety”. In big lettering.

I emailed him and asked what it was notorious for–pagan orgies by moonlight? Murder? Mayhem in the roses?

I even wrote that “that word does not mean what you think it does” (including the definition of ‘notoriety’). He changed the website–but did I get a thank you? No!

My MIL would ask people to “Be more pacific” about what they wanted.
I just grew calmer and calmer.

My MIL’s boss speaks English as a second language.
MIL to boss: “So and so finally bought the farm” (as in, he died"
Boss: “Oh, that’s nice, I hope he got a good price”

I had a friend, who, amongst many other things decided that impotent meant dumb. That makes for interesting conversation.

We used to refer to one of our very homophobic cow-orkers as “Bi-Curious George”

His reply…".yeah I do want to have sex with two people at once, bisexual, tri sexual, what would you call 4 at once?"

As hes looking at the rest of the crew trying not to asphyxiate themselves with laughter.

My sister used to listen to Love Line with Adam Corolla and adopted his “ri-cock-ulous” version of “ridiculous”. Get it? He replaced “dic” with “cock”. Ha ha. Only, my sister never caught on, and used it for months in all sorts of contexts - including work.

Important Client: Our previous web host was ridiculous! All sorts of restrictions, low reliability, and overpriced.
Sister: That IS ridiculous! No, that’s not just ridiculous - that’s ricockulous.

…awkward silence…

For a while I thought “kinky” just meant “weird.” That was awkward.

I think it originated with people saying something “didn’t your mother ever teach you any manners?” and then it became “you don’t know any manners” and then just “you’re ignorant”.

My contribution is a former co-worker who misused the word “recant”. It was a problem because he used it in almost the opposite of its actual meaning. He thought it meant “repeat”. So if I asked him “Did you talk to Bill about that problem?” and he answered “Yes, and he recanted what he said yesterday” I have to stop and ask him to be more specific about what exactly Bill said today.

I didn’t help that he had this stream-of-consciousness way of talking. If he was telling you something that happened, he would just remember it in sequence and describe to you everything that was passing through his mind.

“Did Bill know where the manual is?”
“You wanted me to ask Bill if he knew where the missing manual was because he was the last person to have signed it out. So I went to go ask Bill about the manual. I looked for Bill in the kitchen but he wasn’t there so I went to the utility room to see if he was in the utility room. He wasn’t there but Harry was there. So I asked Harry if he knew where Bill was so I could find him and ask him about the missing manual. And Harry said he hadn’t seen Bill. So I went and looked for Bill in the greenhouse and that’s where he was. So I asked Bill if he knew where the missing manual was because he was the last person to have signed it out. And he said that he had turned it back in about an hour after he signed it out and didn’t know where it was.”
“So the answer to my question is ‘no’.”

I get a chuckle when people say “Intellligent Design is SCIENCE!”.

When I lived in the dorms at UGA, there was a guy on my hall who, at age 18, was Army Crazy. He dressed in camouflage, he idolized the armed services, he talked about war stories all the time, and (I hardly need tell you) he was an idiot.

Once he was telling a war story he’d read somewhere. “This guy was Special Ops,” he said, “and his senses were all inept so he’d be good at tracking and stuff…”

Clearly, he meant “adept.”

“Wow, Jeff,” I said, totally deadpan, “you always struck me as a pretty inept fellow yourself.”

He beamed with pleasure.

My Mom is 76 and doesn’t realize that some words meant something different in her generation than they do now. I’d let a lot of it slide, or just giggle quietly, but when she said to my husband, “Oh, Jasper, I pulled a real boner the other day,” and he replied, “Good for you!” I decided it was time to tell her she couldn’t use it anymore and why.

Not long after, we were talking about my aunt’s incessant and most annoying humming. I mean, during dinner, watching television, at night, all the time! And she says, with a touch of irritation, “Oh, yeah. Her sister-in-law calls her the Hummer.” When I clued her in on that one, she nearly broke a rib laughing.

<minor hijack>
As this is the second time ‘hummer’ has come up in this thread, would someone fight my ignorance and tell me what it does mean?
</minor hijack>

“Hummer” is another term for “blowjob”. Which is why I’ve always wondered how the SUV manufacturer had the gall to use it. I mean, sure, that’s what they want all those guys to think they’ll get if they drive one, but really…

<snerk>

Thanks, InternetLegend

My father uses the word “prescient” when he means “observant”. For example, if I were to say “Asians may do worse in high school in our state because they are less likely to be recent immigrants, and are therefore less pressured to succeed” he would say “that’s very prescient of you.”

My statement about Asians and education is simply an educated guess and may or may not be true.

I used to think “all intents and purposes” was “all intensive purposes”… Kinda the same thing… But not quite.

And a coworker was trying to explain the how such and such a rule fell under the grandfather clocks.

I’m a bit of a language geek, but I’m also a die-hard descriptivist, so these things leave me torn between “that’s not really what the word means” and “well, if everyone understands what s/he’s trying to say, it’s not so bad, is it?”. This is worst when it gets down to the really superficial level, like “well-socialized” vs. “well-adjusted”, where there’s really nothing wrong at all with the first usage other than that it’s a little unconventional and probably not fit for formal writing. It’s a little bit of a nuisance to remind myself, “Don’t say anything, you’ll just look like an asshole, it’s perfectly cromulent.”

My guess is: Square dance -> circle dance -> circle dancer + jerk = circle jerk

I promised myself I wouldn’t get all Chomskian-tree-hugger on this thread, but come on. Do you pronounce every single consonant in (for example) “asked” or “old-fashioned” or “instinct” or “arctic”?

As to the OP, I thought “uterus” was the polite and scientific term for genitalia in general. Everyone’s genitalia. To be fair, I was a wee lad and I’d only had my first week or two of sex ed in elementary school.

Of course, the appropriate response is “ArrrgggGGH! You’ve blinded me with science!”. Followed immediately by much pantomime and 80s dance (simultaneously if at all possible; having svelte 20-somethings behind you in shiny clothes helps).

I was in a meeting a few months ago with a young colleague who repeatedly used “pacifically” when she meant “specifically”. At first I thought it was a verbal typo, but she kept doing it.

It was a full day meeting and by the end of it I would happily have dropped her in the ocean, specifically, the Pacific.

I wanna pull my hair out when I hear people say “Valentimes Day”.

Lessee, my wife who speaks english as about her 4th language. When we first got married and moved to Hong Kong, she recorded the message on our answering phone: “please leave a message and we will get you back as soon as possible.”

Very recently was on a business trip with a guy that was born in Russia, speaks English as a second language only if you know he was born in Russia and moved to the US when he was 6. Anyhoo, he used the word " ironic" a lot. He used it more like “oddly” than actually “ironically”, but the point was moot because another guy on the trip started to would correct him and say " no, that’s not ironic, that’s moronic."

I have known two people (who did not know each other) who have used the word *emancipated *when they meant emaciated.

Makes me wonder what they think the Emancipation Proclamation was all about.