I had most of my hair cut off last Saturday. It was kind of a whim, and I am still deciding whether or not I like it. (Mostly, I just go “AAHHH!!! My hair is gone!” when I look in the mirror. Although I am finally getting used to it.)
Anyway, most people have complimented me on my do, which is nice because I was seriously second-guessing myself and could use the affirmation, but two (2!) of my coworkers have expressed horror at my new haircut. “Oh no! Your hair was so pretty! Why did you cut it off?” That sort of thing. One of them reassured me, “Don’t worry, it’ll grow back.” Gee, thanks. I am rarely at a loss for words, but these comments really had me tounge-tied.
So, first of all, any ideas on what to say to this sort of comment?
Second, share with me your stories of inappropriate comments that left you wondering “WTF am I supposed to say to that?”.
The proper response to comments of this kind are straight out of Ms. Manners. You look the offender directly in the eye, hold their gaze, and say…nothing. Look pained, but not at the comment, just the unfortunateness that someone would say something so rude and uncalled for to a person they call a friend. No other comments are necessary.
Oh, and I forget to list the comment that left me going…huh?
A young volunteer of mine (age 20) was complaining to me once about how he couldn’t get a second date. He could get dates, he said, just not a second one. As we were talking about dating, girls, etc., he mentioned to me in passing that, and I quote, “You must have been a beautiful woman once.”
**
Um, I think we may have stumbled upon his problem with women.
To unsolicited insults, I blink at the obnoxious person, with a completely straight face, and then say “Oh. Thank you.” in the most neutral tone I can manage. Half the time, the person mumbles something along the lines of “sorry I didn’t mean it that way” and beats a hasty retreat, but there are a quite a few people who react by giving more insults in a cheerier voice. To them, I tend to blink a few more times, and just walk away. If someone harps on it, I cut them off with “So you keep telling me” and walk away.
I have learned to never, ever, ever ask “What do you think of my . . .?” unless I want a brutally honest opinion from a specific person. That won’t stop some people from commenting, of course, but it leaves me free to politely treat an insult as such.
BTW – I’m sure your hair is adorable. It’s just a very noticeble change, and that’s hard to get used to. I went from waist-length red hair to super-short blonde last year. I spent about 3 weeks saying “Thank you” and trying not to cry.
I had my almost waist long hair cut off when mrAru was out to sea about 4 years ago. I happened to really like it - it was nicely uberwavy without being poodle city.
I walked back in to the office [had it done at lunch] and the humanity of it all must have rivalled the Hindenburg. After the 4th person demanded “What if Rob misses your hair when he comes home” I pulled out the whole swatch I had chopped off and tossed it on my desk and told them that he could still play with it. :eek: :eek: :eek:
went the assembled audience [I always save my hair when i get it chopped and it comes off in a good long hank =)]
Sort of shut them up. Then 2 days later I walked in with it dyed purple
This was the way I l,earned to keep my damn mouth shut about stuff like this:
The guy in college who I had a HUGE crush on walked into a small gathering one night. His hair which was previously halfway down his back was gone. Completely gone. He was shaved completely bald.
Me: “Oh no! Why did you do that? Your hair was so awesome! I liked it so much better long!”
Him: “Well, the chemotherapy was making it fall out so I figured I’d just go ahead and chop it all off.”
Me: :o :eek!: :o
I like to play around with different styles & enhance my color. Once I walked up to an acquaintence (I probably would say friend, except for her unfortunate tendency to do this type of thing) after a recent change, and she burst out with “Did you mean to do that?” and nervous laughter.
Some people apparently have no filter that prevents them saying the first thing that pops into their minds. This is one area where being introverted can have a distinct advantage.
17 years old, going to the RMV to get my learners permit. I handed my paperwork to the lady at the desk. She looks it over - looks at me and asks,
“Oh, you’re from Northampton. Are you a Lesbian?”
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
You’ve got to be friggen kidding me. I couldn’t even breathe - I was so shocked. I was born in Northampton. I was there for about 3 days. I have never lived there. The town may be the lesbian capitol of the universe but 1. It’s not catching and 2. even if it were, I think I’d need a bit more than 3 days exposure to become infected.
I never even did manage to say something to the dolt. 8 years later, I’m still in awe that someone would ask a question like that.
On my 30th birthday (12 years ago, if you’re counting), I was really bummed about the number. For some reason, 30 had me feeling like I was “old” (I laugh now, of course). I was sitting with my boyfriend & his buddy having a beer, and I asked the buddy, “Do I look 30?” Of course, he said, “I thought you were older.” :mad:
I knew a girl in high school who was constantly making remarks like that to people. “Why do you wear those earrings-did you know they’re really ugly?” “Oh god, why are you wearing your hair like that?”
Then when you called her on it, she’d act all shocked as if, “Well, I was just asking!”
In reply to the OP, I usually just kind of roll my eyes and walk away. The offender gets quickly told what he/she has said wrong and feels guilty for a bit.
Not quite what the OP was asking for, but I have really blue eyes and a lot of times people come up to me and say “Wow, Pink! Your eyes are so blue!” Umm… what an astute observation…? There’s not really anything to say to that. It’s a statement, not a compliment or an insult. It gets to the point where I would much rather have people insult me than say “Your eyes are so blue!”
Well, it’s not about my appearance (apart from my youth), but I sure didn’t know what to say… –
I share a name with a somewhat famous actress, and people who come into my work and see my name tag sometimes do a double-take and make a cute comment (to which I always reply, “It’s my married name” because such comments tend to imply that my parents had a hand in it). One day a patron came in, noticed my name tag, and blurted out, “Well, I hope you don’t die as young as she did!”
There was a woman that would keep telling everybody they needed a hair cut. She has her hair cut when it gets to be about one and a half inches long to no longer than 1 inch. She then gets a curly perm that leaves her with tight curled hair less than half a inch high. I’ve told her that she needs to stop getting the Brilo Pad hair style. I also let my hair grow for her benefit another two years with only some shaping trims. It got to middle of my shoulder blades. After years of being sick I’ll never get to do that again.
I warn everybody I work with to never put me in the spot of asking, if they don’t want to know. By not asking, one person didn’t have to hear that the baby looked like a gorilla, and another that it looked like a monkey. They both had hair all over their face and torso.
I think you may underestimate the degree to which some guys (and I assume they were male) hate short hair. For some of us, sometimes, you may as well have lost a leg, or excised a breast or two.
And I think you may overestimate the degree to which most women don’t give a rat’s ass about what guys think about their hair. Seriously, women dress for other women - if they didn’t, every top would have cutouts for the boobs to poke out of.
Being a bit of a…cow, the last time I colored my hair dark, this woman (that I couldn’t stand anyway), came up and said “Well, personally, I like it much better red.” to which I replied “I don’t give a fuck what you like better.” and walked away. She didn’t comment again. heh
