Un. Fucking. Believable.

The BBQ Pit
1

Every spring, grampa’s nephew and his nephew’s wife, Les and Ann, get into their pick-up and pull-behind RV and head east. About the middle of summer, after they’ve fished the East Coast, they turn around and head back to CA. Every couple of years they stop here and spend a few days or a week. They’re in their 70s now, retired, and have the time and money to do it.

Now, Les I love to death. But Ann…oh, my. If I told Ann the sky was blue, she’d tell me that, no, it’s actually clear, and the color is an optical illusion from sunlight hitting water vapor. She tells me I load the dishwasher wrong. She tells me I should put my clothes in the dryer rather than hang them on the line. She tells me I make lasagna wrong!! The one thing I can do really, REALLY well, and she tells me I make lasagna wrong!

This morning I was reading this thread as Ann came in. She, quite naturally, asked was I was reading. I told her. I then said, “I once had an argment with a friend who claimed all rivers flow south…” and that’s as far as I got.

“Well, they do,” says Ann. “All rivers flow downstream.”
“You’re kidding me,” I said. “You mean ‘downstream’ is the same as ‘south’?”
“Of course!”

I pulled out the Minnesota atlas and pointed to that little bump on the western side of the state. I explained to her that both the Minnesota and Red Rivers start there. I traced the route of the Minnesota River - how it starts of going southeast, then turns and heads northeast to the Mississippi. I showed her how the Red River forms half of the western border of Minnesota, flows to Lake Winnipeg, and from there on to Hudson Bay.

And what does she say?

“No, that’s not right. All that water drains to the Mississippi.”

That little voice in the back of my head says Never argue with drunks, fools, or little kids so I left the room.

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I’ve tried to be nice. I’ve tried to ignore her. I’ve tried to be all sweetness and light.

I just want permission to bitch slap her. Just once. Just one good shot to the back of the head, right above her ear. I know it will create more problems than it solves but, for a moment at least, it will feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good.

sigh

I feel better now. But I still wanna bitch slap her…

2

speaking on behalf of bitchslap lovers everywhere…

bitchslap her, then dump her in the Mississippi

HOW’S YER DRAINAGE NOW, SUGAR?

3

You could try showing her the Mackenzie river in the NWT and Yukon, the South Saskatchewan (which goes straight north a significant portion of its run), the St. Mary’s in Florida, the St. Lawrence (mostly east, but overall north), innumerable rivers in northern Ontario and Quebec, The Snake river and hell, The Nile.

4

Look to many rivers in Siberia they do not flow south much,

the amazon IIRC flows east.

The Nile emptys into the Med, guess what? Egypt is south of the med :slight_smile:

Must be nice having someone so clueless.

Someday I want to be that way. Where everything I think it right even if I have mountians of evidence against my claims.

The idea of being delusional apeals to me

5

What a doofus. The very existence of the Great Lakes and Niagara Falls proves her wrong.

6

[slight hijack]Am I the only person who says unbe-fucking-lievable?[/hijack]

Yeah, I used to have a friend like that. She was always right, which is a trait I have a bit more than my fair share of, but at least I’m aware of it and try to manage my urges to correct people. But what was the worst about this girl was that it was while we were in college, and she was a Chemistry major, while I was only a fluffy useless humanities major, so she was obviously smarter than me, and thus the clear winner of any “argument” despite any proof brought on my part…

I couldn’t help but feel a little bit smug, even though I knew deep down it meant nothing, when on graduation day, having since been dropped by her as a friend, I graduated summa and she didn’t even qualify for honors. Petty, I know, but…who’s smarter now, bitch!

7

An amazing example of this phenomena is the Rhein river - one of Europe’s largest - which begins in Holland, hundreds of feet below sea level and, amazingly, flows south along the western border of Germany and into Switzerland, defying gravity as it climbs several thousand feet through the Alps.

8

If she’s crossed the US several times, undoubtedly she’s seen some signs regarding The Great Divide or the Continental Divide. Has she ever wondered what those meant?

9

Hm.

They’re heading back to CA via I-90 and Seattle. Maybe I should follow them as far as Fargo-Moohead and do the deed there.

MEET YOU IN NEW ORLEANS, HONEY!

10

The Mississippi runs sideways here.
West to East?
IIRC it is supposed to be the only place the river does so.

11

The Willamette River, which flows in Oregon from Eugene through Portland on its way to the Columbia River, does so while heading north.

12

No, I do the same thing.

13

No, no, no.

I’ll set a trap for them here, then you can come out here, bitch-slap her, and dump her into the (west-flowing) Clark Fork river.

Sound like a plan? :smiley:

14

I think your compass is on the blink (either that, or you recently moved out of the Quad Cities). When I lived in Bettendorf in the 60s and 70s, the Mississippi ran from east to west, as it did when I was at the Arsenal Tuesday afternoon.

15

Welcome aboard, it looks like you found the right message board. :smiley:

chique, you HAVE to do more with this. Confuse her, upset her. Ask her if rivers in Australia all flow north. And if the answer is no, then ask her if all the Antarctic ice is just all frozen soundbound rivers! And if it’s true that penguins eat ice, fly to the north pole, pee it all out, so the southbound cycle starts again. Taunt the idiot!

16

She sounds like a conflict junky. Don’t give her any more fuel. Bitch slapping her might be momentarily satisfying, but better still just commit yourself to not having more inane conversations with her.

17

Hey, chique, dahlink, you knew what you were getting into when you were born into that family.

:slight_smile:

18

Actually, Rysdad, that’s kind of the point. I’m pretty sure she knows she’s wrong (if she doesn’t, she’ll find that out once she asks Les). She just MUST contradict or one-up anything that I say. In this particular case she just contradicted in a manner so mind-numbingly stupid it was just the last goddamn straw.

I say “The mosquitos are really bad this year,” and she says “They’re always bad up here.” And she holds that opinion til four other locals also say “The mosquitos are really bad this year.”

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Maybe they’ll leave tomorrow. I know I drive faster than they do; I bet I can make it to LindyHopper’s before they get there. It would just be SO satisfying to dump her in the Red. “Which way does that river flow now, BITCH!”

Kricket - it does that in Winona, as well. For that matter, it flows north out of Lake Itasca, turns east for a while, then south for a while, then southwest - all before it hits St. Cloud.

Coldfire - she’s avoiding me now. She just sent Les in to retrieve the laundry. I’m not sure if I’m disappointed I can’t play with her mind, or relieved I won’t have to put up with her anymore.

imthjckaz - :wally :wink:

19

Hon, of course you know I am not a confrontational type of person.

I deal with people like this on a daily basis, since I have to work with them. When they pull this stuff, I just say …nothing. I don’t even try to show them why they are wrong, I just stop the conversation. Actually, it ticks them off. And later, when they find out they are wrong from another source…it ticks them off again. :slight_smile:

As far as your lasagna…

"You are making that lasagna wrong, you need to do it THIS way. "Scotti continues to make it the way she knows is the RIGHT way, not saying NUFFIN’. “Dear, you need to do it THIS way.” Scotti continues to make it HER way. “Aren’t you listening?” I heard you dear, but I am cooking. When you are cooking lasagna, you can do it your way. If you don’t like my lasagna after I get it cooked, I have some nice eggs in the fridge and you can make yourself an omelette. YOUR way.

You need to smile sweetly at this point, and I mean with sweetness in it. ( I KNOW you, darling!) So she can’t legitimately take offense. When the lasagna turns out wonderfully, she is going to have to seethe inside. Because you were NICE about her advice, so she can’t legitimately say you were surly about the whole thing, so she is going to have to keep her big mouth shut.

SEE…I TOLD you I was more evil than you thought!

20

Un fucking believable! Those dikes have got to be taller than the great pyramid of Egypt. :smiley: