A friend of mine is going to an unValentines’s Day party and is responsible for bringing a movie. I don’t know if it can be done, because the criteria to meet seems impossible. I told her I would ask you guys, because you know everything in the world.
Here’s the criteria: no romantic plots or overt subplots (duh), nothing overly violent or tense, and no scary movies. Probably PG-13 or lower. I’m thinking family dramas may be their best shot.
Please help. The sooner the better.
Audition: the perfect anti-Valentine’s Day movie. (Second only to Oleanna, which is not available on disc.)
But lissener, don’t you own the only copy?
And how exactly does this qualify as “nothing overly violent or tense, and no scary movies”?
I’ve never actually seen it, but … The Great Escape? The all-male cast doesn’t seem to leave much room for romantic subplots…
ETA: Don’t recall much romantic subplot action in The Hunt For Red October either
How about “Heathers,” or “Harold and Maude?”
True Grit may work. There’s violence, but late-60’s movie style–people get shot, but there’s little blood. No real romantic plot, though the final scene is a little tender.
High Plains Drifter has less romance, more violence, with a supernatural element.
The Outlaw Josey Wales has less romance, more violence, and some mild comedic moments.
Animal House has very little violence, little romance, but does have some nudity.
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
The Sherlock Holmes movies from the 1940s with Basil Rathbone.
Stalag 17! Well-written, well-acted. Gripping plot, no romance.
Or Saving Private Ryan.
The Straight Story is good, though maybe kinda slow for a party.
Off the top of my head, you have: “The Shawshank Redemption”, “Hot Fuzz”, “Finding Nemo”, “12 Angry Men”… I could think of more, but I have to work. 
Ghost World. The romantic subplots end quickly and tragically.
Little Miss Sunshine?
One of the Monty Python movies?
Trading Places
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (tension, but it’s pretty campy after all these years)