Unabashed rant: What I object to about specific movies

The BBQ Pit
101

No, actually I am not full of shit, but thanks for asking.

You really have no clue what it is we’re all talking about, do you? Perhaps this is due to a perception problem (medical or otherwise), but maybe you are just myopic.

Damn near everyone posting to this thread (except you) sees films for what they are- fiction. FYI- even if a film states that is “a true story” or “based on actual events”, it’s really not. The medium itself fictionalizes.

The comparison of Carrie to Kristallnacht is ludicrous, stupidly false, insulting and in incredibly poor taste.

The idea that you can express anything close to an informed opinion on a film that you have not seen is impossible. It is impossible to judge content, intent, or anything else by a “snippet”, a review in a periodical, or what a newspaper entertainment editor says on a TV show. You are merely receiving, and subsequently parroting, what one person’s perception was. It could be that the reviewer has a distinct bias, which prevents him/her from objectively viewing a particular film. Thus, not only are you misinformed to begin with, you sound like an idiot when you repeat this claptrap.

Again, I don’t know why I bother to say these things, because you don’t seem capable of listening to the other side of these issues.

It sounds as if you have a painful, unhappy existence. I’m sure that along with Hollywood, your unhappy childhood, schoolyard bullies and the unfair diety who cursed you with schizophrenia, you have many other people and things to blame for your misery. Of course, it couldn’t have **anything[/] to do with you personally, like when you spew your silly “opinions” on things you know less than nothing about. :rolleyes:

102

Welcome to the SDMB MaoMao.

First of all, every movie starring Kristy Swanson rocks.
That fundamental clarification having being made, I must say that The Chase in particular was a fuckin’ great film. Much better than O.J. ’s lengthy and excitement-less chase. A definitive proof that art does not only imitate life but improves on it.

And I must mention that, however implausible it might be, Charlie Sheen’s “Fuck and Drive” technique was certainly interesting. Now, that is what I call a fun ride. :slight_smile:

103

Kristy Swanson is a hottie of the first caliber. The only thing I dislike about her is that she’s never done a nude scene. :wink:

[sub]And if I’m wrong about the above, please, please e-mail me and let me know. There’s $20 in it for you. Seriously![/sub]

However, I must take issue with your statement. Either you haven’t seen all her movies, or you’re far too generous in your appraisal of “Dream Trap”. Take it from one who saw it: it sucked.

Oh, and judging from this page:
http://us.imdb.com/Name?Swanson,+Kristy

I don’t hold out much hope for her most recent movie: “Dude, Where’s My Car?”, where she plays a character named “Christie Boner”

104

You’ve got to be kidding me. You would not have gone to your prom because of a movie about a kid with telekinetic powers? Why weren’t you worried about werewolves or vampires either? You can differentiate reality and fiction, can’t you?

105

Tzel, I know the thread is hideously long, but check out the beginning- he actually may not be able to differentiate reality from fiction.

106

Not all that bad a movie, and this may be nitpicky, but in one scene a character is flipping channels and we get to see old 70’s commercials, TV shows.

The problem I had was that the person flipping channels had nothing but TV programming. In other words, one flip and another channel popped up.

Maybe things were different in Washington, DC at the time, but when I was growing up, you only got 3 or 4 channels, and you had to flip several times to move between them.

107

I know the feeling. 'Tis fun to mock really cheesy movies or TV shows…i mean, not everything can be a work of art. Sure, there are Casablancas and Citizen Kanes and *Pulp Fictions * out there, but there are sucky films like Weekend at Bernies or the upteenth slasher flick…but some of these movies beg you not to take them seriously. I love Back to the Future but not for a minute could any of that happen. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is, IMO, the definition of classic, but could a kid REALLY get past adults like that? No, a real life seventeen year old could not have gotten away with pretending to be Abe Froman at a fancy dress restaurant, and neither could anyone change the number of absences with a computer and expect no one to ask questions about it…but that’s why people go to the movies sometimes, to escape real life. That’s why people went to Shakesperian plays back in the day, why they read novels (and still do), why we listen to music…to get away from our own lives.

Sometimes it takes a great leap of the imagination to watch a film. I find the number of coincidences improbable in A Tale of Two Cities, yet that book is deemed a masterpiece by some. And if you think about it, the Bible demands a leap of faith…being unrealistic isn’t just a thing from recent movies…

108

If I understand aright, you are chiding me rather severely for basing my appraisal of a specific movie on a snippet shown on TV, rather than going to see the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont Highmyself (as even I did with Back to the Future and The Believers.)
Well, sometimes I think that if I an served an absolutely unpalatble meal I don’t have to eat the whole thing to know how bad it is. (And on top of this, by this time Sean Penn had made a very unfavorable image of himself off-screen. Until I read comments in this thread I did not know he was the “dimwitted student,”* as I described him; now it’s an actor’s off-screen personality that gives me latitude to avoid the specific movie.)
I might add that there are things other than the movie’s content that can put me off–and remember, I hadn’t had much appetite for movies in the first place. Case in point: Throughout the summer of 1977 I took my younger brother (he was 14, I was 28) to a local theater where Star Wars was playing. The publicity for this movie (and for some of its sequels) was overwhelming. It just didn’t interest me at all and I never formed any opinions about its content–I just declined to see it. My brother urged me to, throughout the summer; I lost count how many times I drove him there. But with me–“No, thanks.” I never did see [i[Star Wars* and have simply declined to do so.

109

If I understand aright, you are chiding me rather severely for basing my appraisal of a specific movie on a snippet shown on TV, rather than going to see the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont Highmyself (as even I did with Back to the Future and The Believers.)
Well, sometimes I think that if I an served an absolutely unpalatble meal I don’t have to eat the whole thing to know how bad it is. (And on top of this, by this time Sean Penn had made a very unfavorable image of himself off-screen. Until I read comments in this thread I did not know he was the “dimwitted student,”* as I described him; now it’s an actor’s off-screen personality that gives me latitude to avoid the specific movie.)
I might add that there are things other than the movie’s content that can put me off–and remember, I hadn’t had much appetite for movies in the first place. Case in point: Throughout the summer of 1977 I took my younger brother (he was 14, I was 28) to a local theater where Star Wars was playing. The publicity for this movie (and for some of its sequels) was overwhelming. It just didn’t interest me at all and I never formed any opinions about its content–I just declined to see it. My brother urged me to, throughout the summer; I lost count how many times I drove him there. But with me–“No, thanks.” I never did see Star Wars and have simply declined to do so.

110

Once again I must apologize for a reply being entered here twice! :o:o:o:o:o

111

[Saliva dripping abundantly off my mouth]
Kristy Swanson.
[/Saliva dripping abundantly off my mouth] :smiley:

O.K., Let’s do a quick review of her movies that I like:

–The Chase
–Mannequin II
–The Phantom
–Higher Learning
–Buffy, The Vampire Slayer: Yeah, I know it is a stupid flick, but her presence really made it viewable. I am ashamed to accept that I have watched it several times and I like it.

::sinks head inside the toilet in shame::

Wow, that was refreshing! Would have been better had I not peed before doing that. :smiley:

Back on subject:

–Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: Loved it, her role was small, yet unforgettable.

*Ben Stein: Bueller?…Bueller?…Bueller?

::Kristy Swanson’s character, Simone, raises hand::

Ben Stein: Yes, Simone.

Simone: I heard from my boyfriend’s best friend’s sister that her brother told her that Albert Einstein told Jabba the Hut that the mailman told him…YADA, YADA, YADA…ZZZZZZZ…ZZZ…that Ferris is sick.*

Wasn’t she lovely in that scene? Didn’t you just want to fuck her right there in front of everyone so she would shut up (and because she is so damn hot, of course)?

Didn’t realize she had appeared in Hot Shots, Pretty in Pink and Mr. Boogedy (all very good, specially the last one, which I loved as a kid).

So yeah, you can definitely say I like her movies. I have to point out that I haven’t seen 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag which, judging from the bits and pieces I have managed to watch, appears to be one of the few crappy movies starring Joe Pesci. Most of his stuff rocks!

Haven’t seen **Dream Trap ** either. I think I will take your advice and skip it.

Regarding the nudity issue, I am sad to report that, as far as I can tell, she hasn’t publicly released any nude pics (she might have some in her family album though, can you imagine what a waste? I mean, how egotistical and selfish can one be, keeping such precious pixels away from us, the loyal fans?) :smiley:

And those damn paparazzi, what the fuck are they good for? They manage to get Lady D killed but are unable to get one lousy shot of Kristy in the nude. Damn you paparazzi!!!

Ah, the season to be holy. Love floating magnanimously in the air, spirits rejoiced in the magic of so noble an epoch. X-mas in the Pit, gotta love it! Thank you EJsGirl and dougie_monty. :smiley:

112

Sorry about this, but hey, it’s interesting to me.

I’ve seen “The Phantom”, not bad. My old employer owned several companies (before he went to jail), including the movie studio that made “Mannequin II”. I saw it at a company party. Kind of an insipid plot (what do you expect?) but just cute and amusing enough to make it a bit better than a total waste of time. I haven’t seen the others. Yes, including “Buffy”, though when I first saw that they were doing a TV show based on “Buffy”, I thought, “Hey, why didn’t they get Kristy Swanson. Who’s the new chick”?

[sub]It was later that I decided that SMG was even hotter.[/sub]
**

Nice line! :slight_smile:

**

Believe it or not, I didn’t even remember that she was in Ferris Bueller until I looked at her IDMB webpage.

[sub]I was too busy drooling over Mia Sara. Who I HAVE seen topless.[/sub]

And as to wanting to have sex with her: Yes, I did and do. No, I don’t particularly want her to shut up. But yes, she’s damn hot.

Agreed. What a waste (both about the lack of nudity AND the paparazzi).

FUCK! :mad:

Hey, this is the pit! :wink:

113

Love ya, quasar!

What’s un-holiday cheery about wanting dougie’s chesnuts roasting on an open fire?

:smiley:

And hey DRY, nice to see you! Kristy Swanson seems to captivate both young and old- the hubby & brother concur. Are you SURE there aren’t pics of her on one of THOSE websites?

114

I looked at http://www.findaceleb.com and did find some Kristy pics, but none of them were fully nude. The closest showed her in one of those coy, hands-over-tits poses. Also, there were a couple of her wearing sheer black lingerie. Even though you can’t see nipples, you most definitely can see that she, uh, has nice knockers.

(If you go to the site and find the list, you should know that the author lists the persons alphabetically by FIRST name, not last. Kristy Swanson is, therefore, under “K”.)

115

Ok, I don’t think I’ve ever addressed a mod or made a request or anything of that sort in my entire life, but, before this thread devolves any further, why don’t we just maybe consider possibly shutting it down and directing people who honestly want to share the things about movies that bug them to this thread: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=46823

Am I out of bounds?

116

Dude, haven’t you been paying attention? Do we need to spell it out for you? We are ranting about the fact that Kristy Swanson hasn’t appeared nude in her movies. As a matter of fact, you can clearly infer our discomfort with Hollywood policies regarding female nudity. Damn you Hollywood!

In any case, I will diversify my line of ranting just for you. Why the fuck is George Lucas incorporating Jar Jar Jinx into the Episode II cast? As if one time wasn’t enough–actually four, which is how many times I have seen the film). Man, don’t you just want to crucify that amphibian? Can you imagine nailing his balls to an incandescent cross, and then go back in time and do it again, and again, and again…? Hey, I can dream, can’t I? Heck, I will pay double admission just to see such an scene included in the motion picture.

EJsGirl

Love ya too, EJsGirl!

There might not be any REAL pictures of her on the net but be sure that there are loads and loads of FAKES. The problem of most of the sites carrying these pictures is that either they are not free or they require one of those Adult Check IDs. Since I refuse to pay good money for porn, I don’t have access to those sites, or the precious fakes contained in them for that matter. Of course, that could easily change if some generous doper e-mails me their Adult Check ID.

Needless to say, whoever provides such valuable information would instantly become my hero/heroine and approach God/Goddess status. Seriously. :smiley:

For every reply to a post bearing this sig I am generously donating 1 cent to the International Center for the Cryogenic Preservation of Cecil Adams

117

The friend who got me to watch Forrest Gump also had me watch Al Pacino’s Scent of a Woman–most of it, anyway. (She hadn’t rewound the video to the start.)
I got the gist of the story mighty quick–though it was quite a while before I caught on that his character was blind!
In his speech at the end, Pacino’s character turns a verbal flamethrower on the college administrators who have expelled the student–I believe it was his nephew. (And apparently he was successful.) :slight_smile:
Pacino’s indignation came through loud and clear for me. In fact–didn’t he win an Oscar for his performance?
I borrowed the tape–and had my mother view it. She–like everyone else in the family–doesn’t share my hangups about movies; she too was impressed with the story and Pacino’s interpretation of the outraged blind uncle. In fact, her only objection (mine too) was that Pacino (or the dialog writer) saw fit to cram so many obscenities into the speech. Hearing obscenities doesn’t faze me–up to a point, because I can understand someone’s anger and outrage, but I sense that Pacino’s tirade was so laden with four-letter words because, supposedly, viewers would “get off” on this. Any comments? (I made no other objections to that movie at all.)

118

I sure hope “silly ‘opinions’” isn’t here synonymous with “opinions diametrically opposite from your own.”
I have never assumed that my appraisal of this movie or that would be popular. But it seems that there are two institutions involved here, which you imply are opposing: The general moviegoing public, and the body of film critics and ancillary journalists who (like David Sheehan, the critic on KCBS Channel 2 in Los Angeles, who ran the snippet of Fast Times at Ridgemont High that I mentioned) whose descriptions I have used. (Sheehan, like Roger Ebert and countless other critics whose reviews I have read or listened to, have appraisals of movies sharply different from my own.)
The family who urged me to go see Back to the Future in December 1985, includes a daughter who was a high-school classmate of mine, and others with whom I had constant contact over a period of 35 years. (Three of the original five are now deceased. :frowning: ) All five of them had seen the movie–presumably at the same time–and were so delighted with it they decided I would like it, too. (Well, one man’s meat…) I felt embarrassed with myself, and with not a trace of pride or self-righteousness, when, within a few weeks, I went back and told them that the movie had gone over with me like a lead balloon. It pained me all the more because, exactly one year before, a friend of theirs (who doesn’t even have a TV set) urged me to go see Amadeus, which I did; I was quite impressed with it and not the least bit surprised that it received any Oscar nomination.
But I would be appalled if you, EJsGirl, or anyone else, for that matter, is criticizing me for not going to movies at least as often as I did in the 60s. If I understand aright, you’d prefer that I make an appraisal only after seeing the movie myself. Unfortunately, this makes no allowance for the hypersensitivity that prompted me to wlak out in the middle of Back to the Future; I sense that I am being urged to do something which would be as painful for me as getting a tooth pulled without anesthesia. (In fact, I told the family that the movie they’d urged me to see assailed my sensibilities like whirling wire brushes on bare flesh.)
I urge you to acknowledge someone else’s hypersensitivity, much as you urge me to accommodate movie tastes so far from my own–and that I do, as few would argue with me about, properly invoke the First Amendment by any item I have posted in this thread.
I think that is more fair than a mutual verbal spitting contest…

119

I’m sure it was the screenwriter’s choice, as well as the director’s. (Though Pacino now has the clout to demand changes in the scripts.)

I suppose some young adolescent boys might “get off” on it, but for most people, words are just words. I’ve watched movies on broadcast TV that have had most of the swearing cut out and it just doesn’t sound right, even if I have never seen the movie before. Most people simply don’t talk that way. They don’t substitute “freak” for “fuck,” for example.

[aside]In the SF novel The Flying Sorcerors by David Gerrold and Larry Niven, a scientist is stranded on an alien planet. The story is told from the POV of one of the aliens. The scientist has a translation device and whenever he swears, the translator renders the swear word into the alien equivalent. “Fuck” is rendered into “family-making thing.”[/aside]

120

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by dougie_monty *
**

IOW, you based your opinion on someone else’s opinion instead of facts. No opinion is worth more than the facts it is based on, and an opinion based on no facts at all is worthless.

dougie, deciding what a movie is like from a single clip would be like someone forming an opinion of you by looking at a single photograph of you. Such an opinion could not possibly be accurate, understand? And it would be grossly unfair to you, understand?

You can go to the movies as often or as seldom as you wish. No one is trying to change that.

That’s exactly what we’re saying.

No, we’re saying that it’s unfair of you to condemn that which you have not seen. If all you have seen of a movie is a clip, don’t expect us to agree with your assessment of the ENTIRE movie.

What does the First Amendment have to do with this? Yeah, you have the right to write whatever you wish, but please remember that your ignorance is not equal to someone else’s knowledge.