Fenris, even just READING this I want to have super mondo sex with you and i’m a straight male!!
Sounds great, I think I’ll try it. Would it be a sin to use KC Masterpiece instead of vinigar sauce? I loves’m some KC Masterpiece.
Yes. It would be a sin.
Once you have had Unca Fenris’s BBQ sauce, you will forget about “KC Masterpiece” which(IMHO) would clash horribly with the dry-rub used for this recipe. (In general it’s OK, but…)
Mike
If you’re dealing with younger kids, you might wanna add a bit more brown sugar to the sauce and cut down on the white vinegar a bit. Many younger kids don’t like really strong flavors (I swear Unca Cecil did a column about that once, but I can’t find it). Also, if it’s a Luau, (I’ve never tried this, but I’d bet it’d be damned good), you might wanna drop the amount of brown sugar by a bit (maybe down to 1/4th cup) and add ooohhh…say…1/3d of a cup of pineapple juice for a Hawaiian flavor.
Unca Fenris
PS: GopherGod72, I shoulda put a 
after my “sin” comment. 
jaw drops and eyes bug out in absolute awe of the porkmaster
That sounds like an AWESOME recipe…problem is that if I printed it verbatim and had it next to me while cooking I’d probably laugh so hard I’d end up burning myself, and then would have to have mega mondo super burnt sex…probably not fun.
It is definitely a long drawn out process to get sex, but hey, how’s that any different from foreplay? yes, just kidding!
I thought about your suggestions Fenris, but rather than dilute the vinegary goodness that is your recipe (and perhaps diminish my chances of much good sex from the gf), I am instead going ahead with our original plan to buy several absolutely delicious smoked and BBQ’d chickens from my local BBQ place for the kids. The pork I shall reserve for the adults and the more adventurous kids.
Here is a recipe for a little appetizer while waiting for the bbq to be done:
Pork Satay (Chicken works just as well, havent tried beef)
6 red shallots, chopped fine
1t fresh turmeric or 1/2 t powdered turmeric
1tsp salt (kosher, obviously;))
2T fish sauce (Nam pla)
1T palm sugar (I use regular sugar and haven’t noticed a overly large difference)
1lb. meat cut into 1-1/2" X 1/2" strips. I usually end up with longer pieces but what you are looking for is a large surface to mass ratio to get lots of char goodness)
Bamboo skewers
In a mortar and pestle or Cusinart pound the shallots, salt, and turmeric until fine. Add to remaining ingredients and marinate overnight. Soak skewers in water for 30 minutes immediatelt before use. thread the meat onto the skewers and grill over medium heat for ~ 5 minutes or till done. Satay is one of the ONLY times I like my meat cooked well so it gets charred on the outside.
Firm tofu can be used as well but you would probably need wider pieces and two skewers per piece.
Serve with peanut dipping sauce and cucumber salad.
You can also make satay sauce which is a combination of chilli paste, ground peanuts, coconut cream, fish sauce and sugar with a little tamarind water but its a pain in the ass to make:)
Thanks, Fenris – I’ll be enjoying this for dinner tonight!
I made a list of ingredients, so thought I’d share:
hickory chips
a couple o’ pork shoulders, BONE IN.
2T ground cumin,
1T paprika,
2 tsp kosher salt,
4 or 5 grinds of pepper,
2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp dried chipotle chili flakes, if you can get 'em
about 2/3 cup brown sugar
Liquid Smoke
2 limes plus 4 oz lime juice, so 3 or 4 limes, I suppose?
3 12-oz bottles of Heintz Chili Sauce
6 oz apple cider vinegar
at least 2 oz white vinegar
1 tsp of bacon fat OR butter (bacon fat’s better, duh),
1 tsp celery salt,
1 tsp red chili flakes (the kind you put on pizza)
1 tsp hot sauce (“Frank’s Hot Sauce” is great, but even Tabasco will do in a pinch)
thinly sliced red onion
romaine lettuce
hamburger buns? Grinder rolls?
Unca Fenris, I tried this recipe over the weekend. I didn’t get any sex, mainly cuz all the women that showed up were either married or less than a year old. I’m sure they thought of balling me though.
After toasting those spices, I breathed in the fumes and about went mental. That was some strong stuff!
I couldn’t find chili sauce anywhere, so I used roasted garlic salsa instead. When I tasted the sauce, yes, it was so vinegary my hair stood on end, but like you said, it gets neutralized when mixed with the smoked pork.
You didn’t say how long to keep the pork in the grill, so I went for 2 hours, tossing in a hickory pack every half hour. The meat may have been a tad overcooked, so I’ll try an hour and a half next time.
But yes, it was some good eatin’ and a big hit.
Oh you rat bastard, I just spit my water out. You’re an EVIL EVIL COOK, THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE !
Having said that, I am printing this thread out, and I will make this food and serve it to people I love, people who love me, people who love good food prepared by a man whose greatest wish is to…one day…dine at the same cracker barrel as…Uncle Fenris
Cartooniverse
" Pork, the other other white meat "
**
Didn’t Unca Fenris say “By the way, don’t snort the cumin fumes!!!” ?
:: Looks ::
Hmmm…
Oops.
My bad.
By the way: Don’t snort the cumin fumes!
Unca Fenris cannot be held responsible for people going mental as a result of improper use of spices in this recipe!!!
**
Usually Chili Sauce can be found near the ketchup and the BBQ sauce, usually on a top shelf, out of sight. Unca Fenris thinks that the Roasted Garlic Salsa would be an interesting substitute, but would’ve upped the sugar content somewhat, since salsa is much less sweet than Chili Sauce. Or added some ketchup to the salsa.
About 1 1/2 hours is about right depending on your grill. If you have a fancy gas one with temp. control, you can smoke the meat longer (since you can control the temperature better)
Unca Fenris
Pardon my asking, but why use white vinegar at all? Did you just run out of cider vinegar the first time you made this, and decide not to mess with perfection? In my experience, white vinegar is to only be used when one can’t get any other variety (cider, red wine, basalmic, etc).
You need a bit of the much MUCH sharper flavor of the white vinegar. Without the white vinegar, it’s too sweet. I’ve tried it with just cider vinegar and it loses it’s bite.
I don’t use white vinegar often, but in small quantities, it does have it’s place.
How can you be happy if you’re both hungry and horny? What, are you high (the fourth “H”)?
Fenris!
I made your BBQ yesterday and I have to say… dayum good. But I am so disappointed. I did not get much sex. In fact, I did not get ANY sex!! The only thing I got were compliments. 
Instead of your bbq sauce recipie however I used my standard KC Masterpiece and added about a cup of apple cider vinigar, pork fat pan drippings and liquid smoke. Beleive it or not 2 hours in oven and 3 on low heat smoke grill… succulent.
…but no sex… or butt sex for that matter…
See?
Only by using MY BBQ sauce recipe can you be assured of MUCH SEX OFTEN!
Unca Fenris
While I’m sure Fenris’ recipe is Very Lots Excellent, I offer my humble recipie for those who are not very ambitious.
Quick Barbecued Beef
Lawry’s Tenderizing Beef Marinade packets (takes 15 minutes)
flank steaks
gallon sized sealable bags
your favorite barbecue sauce
grill
Get your grill ready for cooking. Prepare the marinade packets in the gallon bags according to the directions, add the steaks, squeeze out as much air as possible, throw in the fridge, and remember to turn them over every 5 minutes like it says on the package. After 15 minutes, remove the steaks, slap on some barbecue sauce, and cook on medium heat on the grill for 5-7 minutes per side, depending on how well done you want them.
I have a problem.
As many of you may know, I am a mean cook in my own right. Fenris’ recipe is very similar to the one I use, and it’s FANTASTIC. The problem is this: I am engaged to GingeroftheNorth, I get
MEGA MONDO SUPER SEX!!!
All the time.
What’s in it for me, the man who has everything, huh? HUH?
Well that would be [bunch of frippery] MEGA MONDO SUPER SEX!!![/bunch of frippery]
While you have a belly full of BBQ of the GODS!!
Man, in a few years, Imma try this. This sounds wonderous.
ummm unca fenris can use use ole charcoal on this ? \
If ya answered this already sorry but I didnt see directions for this version
More of it.
Sure! But you still have to use the packets of wood to smoke the meat. Just toss the packets on top of the charcoal.