Underpants Tales

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’ve realized that in my arsenal I have three good underpants stories. I would like to share the underpants stories, and I think everyone else should share theirs. It’s just that simple. Tell me a story that directly involves Underpants (the funniest word in the world)

Jarbaby’s Underpants Story #1 - The Doctor

As a twelve/thirteen year old girl, I was at the stage of life where going to the male doctor and getting undressed was nothing short of mortifying. My mother, in her infinite wisdom informed me without an ounce of doubt that Doctors Don’t Care about seeing you naked, and in fact They Don’t Even Pay Attention.

And so we went for my physical, and, like the dedicated fan that I am, I wore my Garfield underpants that said “I hate Mondays” (clever? you bet. That Garfield!)

Anyway, as I lay on the table receiving the standard “pushing on your stomach in various places” test, my doctor exclaimed:

“Garfield underpants! Those are fantastic!”

Well, naturally. I died. Yes. I died right on the table and was revived only by the promise of McDonalds. He was a very kind, well loved, cuddly, sympathetic doctor, who probably honestly loved Garfield. His comment was completely innocent, but floored me.

The mortification of the situation passed and I went unscarred for a year, until I had a flu or something and had to return to the doctor. The same doctor. As my mother and I rode in the car I realized I was wearing the same damn underpants! (I really loved them)

“Never in a million years,” my mother said. “Will your doctor remember those underpants. Don’t give it another thought.”

Sure enough, as I lay on the table being examined. My doctor grinned a kindly grin at me and said,

“I see you’re wearing my favorite underpants again!”

And I never believed my mother again.

jarbaby

2

No story here, but I just had to compliment you on a great thread title.

3

These underpants. Not made by Buck Weimer by any chance?

4

I lost my underpants last night. I’m not sure where. They were really nice DKNY black boxers too.

There’s more to the story, but this is a family something. oh… it’s not? well I just don’t feel like sharing then.

5

Oh! Oh!

I have sort of an underpants story.

Recently I went and bought new cute undies. Upon showing them off to my sister, she wanted some. After picking out some cute stuff for her we proceeded to have a reasonably loud convo about the Calvin Klien undies.

“I don’t get it, I don’t know him personally, I don’t want his name on my underwear”
“I’d at least like to be paid if some guy is going to advertise on my crotch.”

The lady ahead of us in line gave us a glare. I think in her mind underpants buying is not a festive event.

I can’t say I’m all that sorry. I see no reason not to be over joyed about red plaid cotton undies. They rock.

6

I once worked in the Deli department of a grocery store. One day while I was rushing to get to work, I grabbed my work clothes out of the dryer, slipped them on, and drove to work. When I got out of the car, I felt something riding up my leg, but I just shook my leg a little and kept on walking to punch my time card. As I approached the bakery area of the store, a fellow employee asked me, “What is that?” and pointed down at my leg. I was dragging a pair of briefs from the leg of my pants!!! I replied, “That’s underwear, haven’t you ever seen it before?” I almost died on the spot, and quickly stuffed them into a grocery bag behind the deli counter.

7

Was that when you were crossing the platypus off your list?

8

Well, not so much an underwear tale, more an odd moment with the doctor. I was 21 and I’d never seen this doc before. His examination arrived at the ol’ prostate exam. As I leaned over and prepared for the moment, he laughed and said, “This won’t make you queer, will it?”

I found other medical resources.

9

I was six or seven, and for some reason or another, thought the Archie “Pureheart” comics were the coolest. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. I wanted Sgt. Rock, but my mom wouldn’t let me have any.

Anyways, a couple of the comics had installments of “Little Pureheart,” just like Archie would have “Little Archie.” So I thought it would be the funkiest thing to go out as Little Pureheart for Hallowe’en. Of course, I was superbly confident that everyone would know who Pureheart was.

Not only that, but I also happened to have a pair of bright red jockeys that matched the colours in the comics. We got to wear our costumes to school the next day.

Of course, no one had ever heard of Pureheart.

And everyone noticed the “Y” front to the jockies, even though I was quite sure that the “P” in a heart on my chest would detract all attention from my crotch.

For the rest of the year, everyone loved to remind me of the day I forgot to put my drawers on underneath my pants.

This never woulda happened if my mom had let me read Sgt. Rock.

10

LOL

fuckin a. funny dude.

no, this was after the platypus. those spikes are hard to get by damnit.

chat knows the story.

11

My condolences to oldie for losing a nice pair of underwear. I’d be in tears myself. I mean, we’re not talking something out of a three-pack here. For next time, I recommend following the same procedures as when returning a rental car: check around for all personal belongings, make sure everything is in the same condition you found it in, and pay extra if exceeded the alloted mileage.
Or something like that.

12

And here I thought this would be an update on the Underwear Bear.

So what’s happened to that silly thing anyway? Shirley?

13

Sort of an underwear story.

I was a sophomore in college and had something of a straight arrow for a roommate. So it was unusual for him to not be back in the room by midnight at the latest. Well, midnight came and went and the next morning came and went. I was a little worried. Finally, around 1 p.m. as I walked to class, I saw him on a bench in front of the student union wearing the same clothes he had left in early the day before, and he clearly had not been near a shower or razor in that time either.

I went up to him and asked, "Rob, how are you doing? Everybody’s been a little worried. How are you?

He looked up at me. Noticing me for the first time and then responded, still clearly very drunk. “I’m drunk. I don’t have any underwear on, and I don’t have any idea where they are.”

He never discovered where his underwear went, and he lived the next three years deathly afraid that at his wedding reception, someone would pull out polaroids of just where his underwear went.

TV

14

I once flushed my underwear down the toilets at West Edmonton Mall (biggest mall in the world). I don’t know why.

It turns out they had my name written on the elastic. Again, I don’t know why.

Security phoned me and told me the janitors had worked furiously to unclog the drains, telling me that the culprit had been my underwear. They wanted to know why.

I told them they had been stolen and hung up. I never heard anything about it again.

15

Bwahahahahahahaha! Dear God, beatle, I literally fell out of my chair when I scrolled down to that last picture. Now you have to come to Dopertoberfest in L.A. Just don’t look for any action from me.

16

Ok, I was in … some club, a small club, like 5 people, I forget which in High School, I was about 16 or so. Anyway we were going to do a camping trip over the weekend to Molokai. Now I’d been a boy scout for about 5 years and one thing I noticed was that during each and every camping trip I would forget at least one important thing. And so lo and behold I forgot … wait for it … my clothes. That’s right. For all 4 days of the trip all I had were the clothes on my back and a towel. Most annoyingly I had worn pants on the flight, which were very hot and not the thing you want to wear on that island. And the only underwear I had were a pair of boxers. Not the new kind but a real 1990 pair of loose hanging boxers. Which I then wore for the next few days whenever I wanted to be comfortable, which was most of the time. To keep Mr. Friendly from poking out his little hole I had to twist them all the way to the left. Or wear my towel as a skirt. I even played cards with my boxers in mixed company, I had no shame.

Now I wear boxer-briefs and walk around freely in them without any prison break worries.

17

I was maybe 12: this was during my single season as an age-group swimmer. I had just arrived at the Tuesday evening practice. It was fall in the Northern CA suburbs, and the night was warm and the sun had set. And I drop my sweats on the deck and walk over towards the kick boards, and… what? What is wrong with this picture? I couldn’t quite figure out why I felt so strange. It wasn’t until I passed the lap clock and its floodlight that it finally dawned on me.

Oops! The bathing suit is at home! I’m still in my underwear!

Given that the suit I should have been wearing consisted of less material than my Jockeys, I don’t know why this was embarrassing. But I knew it was, and the crowd’s reaction told me I was right. I died a thousand deaths. Isn’t adolescence fun?

18

A few weeks back I came to a realization that most of my underwere is holiday themed.

How did I get this way?

Well for one I am a cheep bastard when it comes to me at least and I don’t like spending a lot of money on clothes unless it is really necessary. So since nobody but me and Mrs. Z see them I only buy my undies on sale,(boxers btw) and I usually get them from Old Navy. Consequently I end up buying clearence holiday boxers.

So I have Halloween, Christmas, and 4th of July boxers and just a few plain. One of the 4th of July pairs is just dark blue with white stars on it and when my wife saw it she commented that they looked liked Wonder Woman pants. However I always wanted to get into her pants and now I have.

[sub]
You know, nothing says ‘I love America’ like wrapping the likness of the flag around your crotch and ass.

19

Great stories! A lot ‘underpants loss’ tales here. But people…please. Let us refer to them as UnderPANTS! It’s so much funnier. Say it out loud. Underpants. Underwear is just…too civilized.

Here is jarbaby Underpants Story TWO: The Sister.

My mother buys my sister and I a bra and panty set from Victoria’s Secret every Christmas. Same style, different color. It’s a tradition. Anyway, my husband and I ventured back to Rochester for Christmas the year after we were married and Al and I got our underpants and all was jolly.

When we returned to Chicago, I realized a few weeks later that not only had I packed MY new panties, but also Al’s! So I had a nice pair of royal blue bikinis.

A year goes by. We return to Rochester for Christmas, and my sister comes to talk to me in the guest bedroom. I’m wearing a t-shirt and…the blue panties.

My sister, lord love her, is a “child of rage”. She’s got a temper like you’ve never encountered, makes me look like a bland angel. So she sees the panties and says.

“THOSE ARE MINE. FROM LAST YEAR!” Fear struck me like a thousand volts from a socket. She was going to kick my ass.

“You don’t want them now, do you? I’ve been wearing them for a year!” I said, curling into a fetal position.

“Take them off. Take them off now!” She said. I didn’t immediately comply, so my sister pinned me to the bed and literally RIPPED the panties off of me, running down the hall to her room.

I of course, thundered after her, now half naked, beat her door open, went into her top drawer and took her favorite bra.

“This is mine then.” I said.

And then my mom tried to intervene. Sweet li’l 5’2" mom. She pushed us a part and my sister, flustered and unable to come up with a suitable insult, said to her:

“You shut your mouth you…you…yellow toothed, rat faced chewer.”

None of us even understood remotely what that could mean and so we collapsed to the floor in laughter and all was well.

I still have the bra.

jarbaby

20

Not my underwear story, but one well worth sharing.

Back in my pre-Georgetown, workin’ at Mickey D’s in NH days, I hung out with a fellow I worked with on a fairly regular basis. Manager-crewmember fraternization, very against the rules but who the hell cared?

Anyway, one day I’m at work, and in comes the big boss, humongous smile on his face, with said manager in tow, looking very disgruntled but trying hard not to laugh. Apparently he was late to work and Big Boss went looking for him. Startled from sleep, my buddy answered the door…

…in the Flavor of the Night’s hot pink underpants. He was so disoriented (not to mention hung over) that he just grabbed the first article of clothing he touched and threw them on to go answer the door.

He thought it was hilarious; we never got any mileage out of it because he’d always top our jokes about it.