Unintentionally funniest moments in TV and film.

Cafe Society
41

Poor Geraldo. He’s gummed up so many times, he’s an institution. Mental, that is.

My favorite is an episode of his old syndicated talk show. It was a “where are they now?” of child actors - a boy and a girl from Eight is Enough, Spanky McFarland, and Kitten and Bud from Father Knows Best. Sounds harmless, right? Geraldo thought so. It was a disaster. The most hilarious disaster I’ve ever seen, but a disaster.

Introduce all the guests. First extended interview: Kitten. The show ended and she was convinced she was a big star, so she got strung out on drugs and into a lot of trouble before she found religion and a new direction in life. Kitten’s life is glurge waiting to happen, and the audience is appreciative but sad. Geraldo decides to liven things up a bit. “Hey, Spanky, whatever happened to Alfalfa?”

Spanky describes Alfalfa’s grisly descent into drink and violence, culminating in an argument over chump change with a business partner. “…then Alfalfa pulled a knife, and the other guy pulled a gun and shot him.”

Beat.

Geraldo: "Shot him dead?

Spanky: “Yes.”

You can almost hear Geraldo thinking, “Shit.” This time he throws to the Eight is Enough kids. They yack a bit about their old show, and the boy pimps his Bibleman videos a bit, and at some point Dick van Patton makes a surprise appearance, and things are looking up for Geraldo. Then he moves to Bud.

Bud, like Kitten, thought he was a superstar and got to be a druggie instead. But instead of being born again, he’s pretty down on religion, and is damn aggressive with the audience about it. Kitten is loyal and tries to save him, and Geraldo also tries to salvage Bud, but neither of them can get Bud to shut up, and his snottyness is losing him the crowd. Bibleman says, as gently as he can, that Bud has a slight attitude problem, and Bud dresses him down in short order. Then Spanky informs Bud that his dad would have spanked him hard for this kind of childish ranting. Bud continues to mouth off, finally hopping to his feet to scream, "Let’s hear it for atheism! The audience stares at him.

Bud is now sore pissed, and Kitten is too, because Geraldo couldn’t save him. Geraldo is still jocular and convinced he can hash something fun out of this show. “Hey, (Eight is Enough girl’s name), what’s this I hear about you making movies in Korea?” Whoops. Eight is Enough girl was doped and raped while in Seoul, and a tape of it is being sold as a porno all over Asia. She’d been happy with Geraldo up till now, but picking this scab makes her damn mad. She hisses about the impending mega-lawsuit and clams up. Geraldo makes another abortive save: “Hey, Spanky, what about that guy on 20-20 who said he was Buckwheat but wasn’t?” Now Spanky is furious with him. Buckwheat was a cherished friend, and Spanky does not appreciate his imposter being played for laughs. He, too, informs Geraldo that a lawsuit is pending before lapsing into bitter silence.

At this point, the show ends. I’m assuming Geraldo does something afterward to piss off Bibleman and Dick van Patton. He’s just that kind of guy.

42

15 years ago in the days before it was considered trendy to show news anchors sitting at desks with cameras and props and technical gear all wheeling around them, and in the days before flash computer animated stuff flying all over the screen…

News anchor was sitting static at his desk slightly off centre screen as was the norm, leaving a blank section of wall above his left shoulder for tehe slide/graphic which accompanied the story. Problem was that the graphic was pasted on the wrong side of the screen, completely obliterating the anchor’s head.
Smart thinking camera operator slowly pans so that the anchor’s head is visible and the graphic appears over his right shoulder.
Not quite so quick technical guy realises that he has pasted the graphic in the wrong place and quickly switches it over to the otherside of the screen. Obscuring the anchor’s head for a second time.
Cut to video clip fast.

43

Last week, on As The World Turns, Craig Montgomery was talking to his daughter. She said he was trying to keep her away from her boyfriend. And he replied:

If I wanted to do that, I would have you locked up in a Dutch convict.

Okay…

44

As Art Vandelay points out, ST:TNG is sometimes a riot of oddnesses. I will let a good many improbabilities slide, because I am all about the willing suspension of disbelief and all, but one ep stands out very clearly as a bad goof.

Worf’s young son Alexander was trapped under some debris that had fallen in a fire. Worf and (I think) Riker are struggling to get the boy loose, when Worf suddenly panics, grabs a massive beam, and gives an almighty, struggling heave to lift it. He tosses it aside with some effort, and the beam lands on a rolling office chair - and causes the chair to roll about two inches before bouncing off. Looked an awful lot like a styrofoam beam at that point.

45

A couple of times, I’ve seen this SNL rerun from right after President Clinton was elected the first time. The show started with a Wayne’s World sketch where they did a top ten list on things they liked about him. Part of the sketch went something like this -

Wayne: Number 2 - Hope, Arkansas. Isn’t it great that he’s from Hope, and he’s come to bring the nation hope?
Garth: Hey Wayne, wouldn’t it be cool if he was from Intercourse, Pennsylvania?

Much funnier in retrospect than it would have been if I saw it initially.

46

And then there’s the most unfortunately phrased TNG line ever. Riker, on the holodeck: “I’ll need a jazz trio – piano, bass, drums, and a bone for me.”

47

Eve, you taught me a lesson: don’t read funny threads at 7:30 a.m. when your girlfriend is sleeping in your bed some 24" from the computer.

Actually, I’ve been stifling guffaws during almost every post hear. The Spider-Man thing is amazing.

Also- how many times in your life did you think you’d get to read

48

A scene from “Fraiser” where Roz met the paternal grandparents of her unborn child. They both had really long noses, and kept unintentionally saying really bad lines for the situation. The best was when Eddie came in a Roz asked if they had any dogs. “We had two big schozzers, but they had to be put down.”

David Hyde Pierce just totally lost it. He went into the kitchen and Kelsey Grammar followed him, where he was practically on the floor laughing so hard (something Niles would never do)., and making nose comments to Jane Leeves (Daphne). Kelsey was just standing there, looking half surprised and half angry as hell, probably because he thought the scene was ruined. Finally he said “What are you two, in fifth grade?” Totally unscripted, yet it was kept in the final show.

49

I ALSO NOTICED THAT LMAO…ANYWAY THE FUNNIER THING IS HOW BAD THE MOVIE IS.

50

This happened on the broadcast of a Cleveland Indians game in 1982. A couple of nights earlier Indians’ pitcher Lenny Barker had been arrested for possession of pot. Barker was scheduled to pitch during the next TV broadcast. During the introduction of the game announcer Joe Tait said, “Now we’re not here to comment on what Lenny did or did not do. We’re just here to call the game.” His color man, Bruce Drennan chimed in, much too enthusiastically, “That’s right Joe! And if I know Lenny Barker, he’s going to come out smokin’ tonight!”

I about died laughing, and poor Joe Tait about bit through his lower lip to keep from laughing on camera.

51

Cite for that being unscripted? It was definitely a funny moment, but I’m sure it was scripted. Scenes get messed up all the time – no way would Grammer have been upset over an actor breaking up in such an obviously funny scene. Had it been unscripted, the director would have called cut as soon as Pierce left the room.