I’m watching The Day the Earth Stood Still. Not a movie known for its big laffs.
But one scene:
Doctor 1: How old do you think he (Klatuu) is?
Doctor 2: Maybe 35?
Doctor 1: He told me this morning that he’s 78.
Doctor 2: I don’t believe it…
Doctor 1: Life expectancy of 130.
Doctor 2: How do they explain that?
Doctor 1: (Hands Doctor 2 a cigarette.) Their medicine is just that much more advanced. (Both doctors start puffing away.)
My favourite comes from The Magnificent Seven.
Yul Brynner is looking for some men. He asks Steve McQueen to join his gang.
“How many do you have” asks McQueen.
Yul raises one finger.
McQueen raises two fingers.
Note to Americans - raising two fingers is a rude gesture in England. First time I saw it, I thought he was telling Chris to go fuck himself.
How does McQueen hold them up – together (prong-like), or in a “V” formation?
The scene in Stand By Me where the junkyard owner is mocking Corey Feldman for having a loony for a father is hilarious- intended or not, I’m not sure.
In V formation.
Samuel L. Jackson’s hair in Unbreakable.
In Addams Family Values, which was of course a comedy, there’s a scene where Wednesday, Pugsley, and their friend are sent to the “Happy Hut” at the summer camp. Inside the hut are posters and videos of Annie, The Sound of Music, Muppets, etc… They look at a poster on the wall and start screaming.
I was watching Wall Street not too long ago. In one scene Charlie Sheen is awed by the fact that Michael Douglas has a cordless phone. It’s about the size of a WW2 walkie-talkie, but at the time it was a huge status symbol.
There’s an old sci-fi movie that I can’t remember the name of, but I swear I’ve seen it: the Earthling techies examining an alien space craft determine that it’s not of this world because the gas in the vacuum tubes of the ship’s computer are gases that don’t occur here.
Johnny Mnemonic was full of them, but the biggest one had to be when Keanu–, Ken–, Kenau–, well, however the fuck you spell it, when Johnny delivered his moving soliloquy before the climax of the movie and ended with “I. Want. Room Service!!” Cracked me up.
The hell of it is that I think Johnny Mnemonic is a crap movie, but I still love it. I’ve almost worn out the DVD, and if I stumble on it while flipping through channels, I have to watch it until the end.
Also it matters which way round - palm outwards is just the peace sign.
It was palm inward, the gesture he made is EXACTLY the same as the British ‘fuck you’ gesture.
OMG, that movie is just full of the Best. Lines. Evar. My boy and I have a running joke - whenever we run across some really ridiculous or just bizarre tech configuration (in movies, real life, wherever), we’ll look at one another and burst out “You’ve got to hack your own brain, and loop it through Jones!”
The whole concept of a hacker dolphin being used by the lo-teks is not bad (as proven in the short story), but that line just… wow.
ETA: Henry Rollins running down Apocalypto Jesus (whatever his actual name was) in a big damn armored bus was the shit. Hilarious (the porn star about to be hit by a Buick look on AJ’s face), and also the shit.
In Simon Birch during the Christmas pageant, the teacher/director dresses some kids as turtles with wings. She said they were turtledoves.
In the movie Action Jackson, there is a car chase inside a house. Jackson chases a bad guy up a flight of stairs and down a hall in a Fiero.
In the movie Darkman, the lead character loses his temper kind of hulk style (I don’t remember much more than that). He is at some carnival and the operator of some game won’t give him a prize he feels he deserves: “Give me my elephant,” over and over until he hulks out.
The rest of the Darkman scene went like this: After finally getting his prize Darkman is now pressed for time as baddies have just interrupted his date, he tells her to take the elephant, she balks at his seemingly strange insistence, even more pressed for time Darkman forcefully growls: “Take the Fucking elephant!”
And scene.
The last line is one of my brother and I’s longest running in-jokes, to be used for almost any occasion. 
Francis Ford Coppola’s Kenneth Branagh’s Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein begins at the North Pole with a stranded Aidan Quinn and crew hearing screams through the icy winds, and one of them says “There’s someone out there…”.
For some reason I thought that was hysterical. (Man, put that guy in charge of the voyage and with his keen insight you wouldn’t be stranded in ice.)
I attended a screening of David Lynch;'s version of Dune back during the First Gulf War. It was freaky:
1.) War in the desert
2.) Against a Bad Guy named “Shaddam”
3.) “A Storm is coming — Our Storm!” (“Desert Storm”)
4.) Lotsa Night Vision Scenes
5.) Atomic Weapons of Mass Destruction in the Desert.
Not funny, but still weird.
The ButterCream Gang. Not one part of it, the whole thing. It’s some christian value movie about this lame ass “gang” of kids that do nice stuff and help out in the community. I think the point of it was to spur kids to form their own do-gooder gang. Some of the best moments are:
Seriously, if you get high and watch one movie, make it The ButterCream Gang.
The barn-raising scene in Witness: the joke being that Harrison Ford used to be a carpenter.
I forget which movie (in the 80s?), but OJ Simpson playing a detective opining on how cold a guy you’d have to be to attack/murder your wife.