I am sure I don’t need to say this at all, but please don’t be short with your wife at this time. (Take it out on the train-shovers!!)
I had placenta previa with our last baby and was in hospital on total bedrest from 29 weeks on.
As the dates got closer and the chances of a massive bleed got greater my husband got snippier and snippier. It got to the point that one day after an interview with the doctors, I was to put it bluntly - shit-scared - and I snapped at him. He walked out of the hospital room and didn’t come back for three days because I had been rude to him.
When the whole mess was over and the baby and I were safely home, I got a heartfelt apology from him, and I accepted it, but I really would have rather had his support during that scary time (or even a neutral absence if he couldn’t cope with more.) He said he’d been terrified and unable to deal with it.
I think it worth knowing that in Japan many men will leave their wives when they know that there is a problem with the baby - having been in hospital so long, surrounded by such women, and having kept in contact with some of them since, it is a story I hear too often. (And to be perfectly honest I do wonder where our marriage would have gone if our baby had ended up handicapped. He was fine after a very shaky start. )
Your wife may be worried at an unconscious level that a less than “perfect” baby will see you off. Please reassure her over this even if it seems a ridiculous impossibility for you to do such a thing. She may need actually telling.
Please keep us informed, you have a lot of good vibes heading your way from all over the world.
I’m sorry to hear about what you went through. My wife is from Taiwan, and apparently the same thing happens there. She said that a problem like this with a baby usually means the husband divorces the wife. That of course won’t happen here, and I’ve told her that in so many words, many times. We would like a “perfect” child, but --unlike new cars – you don’t send them back if there is a problem.
We saw the specialist and our regular doctor yesterday. TokyoBaby does have excessive fluid in his little head. There’s more buildup on one side than the other, which is what I thought, looking over the doctor’s shoulder at the ultrasound monitor.
Worse, it looks like there are other problems. The brain isn’t developing wrinkles yet, which is a concern. The most sever problem is the abnormally small cerebellum. If this continues the doctor is concerned if the baby can breathe or swallow right. It’s still too early to tell though.
**TokyoBaby ** moves around too much for an effective MRI, so they’re waiting until Sept. 1st. At that stage we’ll know more what to expect. The doctors say that they don’t know the exact condition now and won’t speculate too much. Unless there are large changes, the baby will have disabilities, but it’s not known what extent.
We’re looking at buying a house here, but we’ve decided to wait to see what are needs are. If we need to have wheelchair access or more then we’ll need to have a special design.
I was down about this yesterday, but I’m feeling much better today. We’ll deal with it as best we can. If for some reason our son isn’t capable of everything most children are, we’ll just work with what he can do. He’ll still be our son and will have all our love.
We’ll continue to see the doctor so I’ll let you know when we find out more. Everyone has been incredible supportive and we would like to thank everyone for your thoughts and prayers.
TokyoPlayer…what a terrible situation to be it! But it sounds like you are trying to be positive, and that’s terrific. My prayers are with you, for your son’s health, and for the strength you and your wife will need do deal with any issues. Good luck with everything.
My heart goes out to you and your family. This will be the most excruciating period of your life. Right now it may feel like everyone is looking at the worst possible scenario **but soon ** it will turn around and the talk will be of wellness and health and all that the future holds. Even a “perfect” newborn can develope problems later, so can a teenager, I have learned. A parent never gets to stop worrying about the health of their children. I am so sorry you are going trough this now. I hope it is the hardest moments of your life and the happiest times are when your baby is born. My prayers and only thoughts of health for you, your wife, and baby.
That of course won’t happen here, and I’ve told her that in so many words, many times. We would like a “perfect” child, but --unlike new cars – you don’t send them back if there is a problem.