I need some advice...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

… and I don’t know who to ask. I know there are a lot of smart, thoughtful people here and maybe somebody can tell me what they would do were they in my shoes.

My wife is pregnant. We just did the test yesterday after her period was about a week late. We had been trying for three or four months. This would be our second child. We currently have a wonderful two-year old boy.

Little MrSquishy was approximately 6 weeks premature, and delivered via emergency c-section. My wife’s water broke in the middle of the night and too much fluid had leaked out by the time she got to the hospital for them to consider keeping him in there much longer. They did a c-section because he was in a breech position (I’m not sure what type).

During the operation, the obstetrician discovered my wife has a “unicornuate” uterus, which basically means it has a funny shape and is smaller than usual. The doctor didn’t seem to think it was a really big deal in terms of future pregnancies, other than the fact that any future children would probably also be fairly significantly premature, because there just isn’t room in there to hold a fully-grown baby. She said next time we could probably get some kind of steriod shots to make sure the lungs develop more quickly, but other than that, it sounded like it wasn’t too big of a deal and we didn’t really think about it too much when we decided we were going to start trying to have another baby. I suggested maybe we should go and see the doctor before we started trying, but my wife didn’t think it was necessary.

I should also mention that MrSquishy Jr. was technically her second pregnancy. The first ended in a miscarriage somewhere around 6 weeks or so.

Now that she’s pregnant, I started looking up some more information on the internet. Some of what I found has got me worried. I have found indications that her condition significantly increases the risk of miscarriage (maybe as high as 50% or more). It also appears that the condition is quite rare, and I ran across some message boards where some women were claiming that their doctors hadn’t heard of the condition before seeing them, and others that said their doctors were unaware of how much risk there could be of miscarriage or spontaneous abortion (I’m not sure what the difference is).

I know that looking for medical information on the internet can be a bad idea, generally for just this reason; that you always find a bunch of stuff that gets you all worried and fearing the worst. So that’s my problem. Now I’m worried that my wife’s obstetrician is unaware or has just understated the risk of miscarriage. My wife’s first appointment with the obstetrician should be in early November.

My dillemma is: should I tell my wife about the information I’ve been reading? She’s a real worrier, and I don’t want to scare her with a bunch of stories I found on the internet, from who-knows how reliable sources. I’m (obviously) not a doctor, and maybe a lot of the stuff I’ve been reading is worst-case, or doesn’t apply to her particular situation. On the other hand, if there is a pretty significant chance she is going to have a miscarriage, I feel like maybe the blow could be softened somewhat if she is prepared ahead of time for the possibility. I’m sure it’s in the back of her mind, since she had a miscarriage before, and she knows about her condition, but I doubt she thinks there is very much risk.

What would you do?

2

I think you should print out the information and tell your wife that you had some questions to ask the doctor, and you both can go talk to the doctor together.

See what the doctor has to say, and let both the doctor AND your wife know your concerns.

3

Definitely go with her to the next doctor’s appointment. Talk about your fears and concerns. However, IMHO, there is such a thing as too much information. Think about how any of this info could make a difference in the handling of the pregnancy. Othere than being prepared for a possible miscarriage, and more careful monitoring, what more could be done in light of the new info you have from the web? It also, of course, depends on the source of that information. As I’m sure you know, just because it’s on the internet doesn’t mean it’s true.

4

Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it. I was planning to go with her to her doctor’s appointment. I guess I was afraid that something might happen even before that. It turns out that she was able to get an appointment in early October, which is sooner than I thought, so that’s good.

I haven’t really decided for certain, and I certainly do appreciate further input, but I don’t think I’m going to tell her anything before the doctor’s appointment. While it’s true that something bad could happen between now and then, I’m not sure that knowing the likelihood in advance would really “soften the blow” all that much. Especially since when I talk about “knowing the likelihood in advance”, my facts could quite possibly be wrong, or I could be misunderstanding something in what I’ve read. Also, I’m afraid that the amount of worrying my wife would do if I told her might actually be counter-productive. I’m sure a whole bunch of stressing over it isn’t going to help matters any.

Hopefully we’ll get some solid answers about her condition from the obstetrician in October, and if she doesn’t have any, I’ll find out if there is somebody else we can talk to about it.

Thanks again.

5

I would normally say tell her, and let her work it out herself, but in this case, she might worry herself into a miscarriage (I am a strong believer that what goes on in our heads affects our bodies). I would probably keep the information to myself in this situation.

6

You might say you were looking around and have a good basis for questions for the doctor or something. She’ll let you know if she wants to know more. I’d be careful, though. Once you’ve had a miscarriage, it’s always in the back of your mind with subsequent pregnancies -heck even other people’s pregnancies!- and unless you have some real hard evidence, I wouldn’t add to her worry quotient. Best of luck to you both!

7

Well, there’s a risk that something bad could happen with her pregnancy.

There’s also a risk that she could get hit by a bus. Honestly, if her OBGYN said it wasn’t a big deal, I think you should treat it as not a big deal. She’s not going to gain anything from knowing a bunch of scary information that you found on the internet.

Sometimes more information is better - in this case I think it’s just more information. Obviously bring up your concerns at her appointment, but I wouldn’t start talking about misscarriages and what not before then. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen - there’s nothing you can do about it. Secondly, you guys have had a baby - that is really good sign that you’re able to have a baby (heh) - for that reason I would put this in the “Need to know” file and at this point, I don’t think at this point your wife needs to know.

8

Shorter OP’s. You lost me at “2 year old” something.

Sorry. I drink.

9

Well, at least he put paragraph breaks in.

Don’t worry about what Gatopescado says - I hear he drinks.

10

Normally I am very much in favor of openly discussing medical information so people can make fully informed decisions, but in this particular sitaution, I don’t think you should say anything. She can’t change the risk, and knowing about the risk is not much consolation if it does happen, so it would only end up making her upset over something that may not happen.
If she really wanted to know about the miscarriage risk, she could do a web search herself and find it out.

By the way, “spontaneous abortion” is just the medical term for a miscarriage. In the medical world, the term “abortion” is used to refer to any pregnancy that ends before about 20 weeks regardless of whether the mother intended to end the pregnancy or not.

Anyway, I wish you and your wife the best and hope the pregnancy goes well. :slight_smile: Statistics are only half the story. You never know when something might happen that totally defies what you’d expect statistically.

11

Like others have said, don’t tell your wife. IMHO.

Now, what are you (MrSquishy) going to do with your fears and worries? You can’t share them with the one you usually share them with…how about a friend, relative or co-worker to confide in?

12

It’s obvious that you’re very worried and I think waiting another month to talk the doctor isn’t going to do you any good. I think you should give the doctor a call and talk to her about it. I don’t think this is something you should talk to friends/family about yet until after you talk with the doctor. They can’t offer you any more information or allay your fears.

I agree that you shouldn’t talk to your wife about it yet, but she’ll undoubtedly pick up on your tension which would make her worry about something anyway. So talk to the doctor as soon as you can.

Best wishes to you & your family.

(How can you mention a toddler & not present a picture!) :slight_smile:

13

I think this is a good idea. Don’t mention it to your wife yet, but give the doctor a call and talk to her about the information you found and your concerns. Besides getting this off your chest, it also gives the doctor time to do her own reserach (if she hasn’t already) before your wife’s appointment so she can talk to you about it in more detail then.

14

Um, well, I’m a little deficient in the confidante department. I guess that’s a big part of the reason for this post. And probably also why the OP was so long-winded (sorry Gatopescado). All the background info may have been unnecessary, but I think it was good to get the whole story off my chest. Thanks to those who stuck with it.

This is a very good idea. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that I might have access to the doctor pre-appointment, and without my wife present. I’m a little hesitant, just because I’m pretty sure that to a doctor any sentence that starts with “I read on the internet that…” results in a big :rolleyes:. But I can live with that.

I am afraid of this. She always knows when I’m worried about something.

Heh, I was kind of hoping somebody might ask! This one is almost 6 months old now, but I don’t have anything newer that’s available on the web right now. He still looks about the same, maybe a little taller and a little less chubby. I know it looks like he’s making a rude gesture, but I think that’s what makes it one of my favourites.