Your first job is to ensure the safety and well being of your children.
If you had a dog that was a loving and decent dog, who suddenly one day bit one of your kids for no reason, would you trust that dog again with any other child and would you keep that dog?
That mom is deluded and is exposing her six children to not only the gossip about town that her husband/their father is soon-to-be child molester, but is giving her children permission to stick with someone who is an abuser of any kind in their future relationships.
Frankly speaking, the damage and lies that the Stepfather has told is going to take a lifetime to undue in their young minds. Once trust is broken, it takes a lifetime to heal.
Most custodial mothers are not married to convicted child molesters.
As I’m sure Greg’s lawyer will tell him, the family court judge’s view of the case will be very different now that Stepfather has been convicted as opposed to when he was merely accused. I don’t know enough about the facts of the case to say it will be definitive, but the point is that while you and Greg weren’t happy with the outcome of the previous custody proceeding, that was then. Now things are different.
The kids may very well be unhappy with changing homes or being forced to confront the truth about their stepfather. That’s unfortunate, but it’s the way it is. They’re kids. We don’t let kids make those kinds of decisions on their own, just like we don’t let 14-year-olds make decisions about having sex with adults, even if they think they want to. And Greg’s kids are not in a position to make a rational decision about their safety or the quality of the upbringing they will get from Susan and her husband. It is Greg’s responsibility as the children’s father to get them in a better situation, even if they don’t want to go. Of course, they should also be in therapy.
So far nobody had mention that you’re not only talking about taking the children away from their mother to a basically unknown father, but you would be tearing up sibling bonds as well. And, trust me, the bonds between siblings can be just awfully strong.
Plus, think about the three children that will be left behind. Shouldn’t they be protected from this child molester as well? How guilty will your children feel down the line if they learn that one or more of the left-behind siblings gets molested?
Is there someway the threat to take away the three oldest children could be used to force the mother to separate from the stepfather? That would at least keep mother and all six children together, probably less hurtful to them all.
A thousand times yes. A stable, sane single dad has got to be a better parent than a mother who is willing to let her children live with a child molestor. Even if Stepfather never lays a hand on the kids, what kind of message do her actions send about how men should treat women and children?
Greg should get a good lawyer, damn the expense, and get his kids out of that house tout suite.
Wait - if stepdad is about to be convicted and serve jail time (in spite of ex-wife’s account that there will be no jail time), the kids may not be in immediate danger - after all, he will be in jail. That might cut the ground out from under an argument for a change in custody.
It seems to me that it is completely obvious that Greg should do his utmost to get custody of his kids. I cannot think that any other course is remotely acceptable.
I wonder if the custody hearing can be moved for continuance on the grounds that the sentencing hearing (the next day), is HIGHLY material to the custody decision. Stepfather not in jail = “kids need to be moved NOW”. Stepfather IN jail = far less urgency on the part of the judge deciding the custody arrangement, and less ammunition on Greg’s part to get the judge to order a change.
It’s hard to imagine stepfather pleading no contest, unless a) this is part of a plea-bargain to keep him out of jail, and it’ll make the hullabaloo die down sooner, and/or b) he knows they have sufficient evidence to convict him of something should it go to trial and his penalties are less if he plea-bargains. In fact, I suspect stepfather knows what sentencing will be recommended already - a case of which I have some distant personal knowledge, the man in question knew he’d get xx years of jail time, vs. xx+yy if it went to trial and he was found guilty. Though the formal sentencing hearing wasn’t until a month or two later, it was pretty much known what the results would be.
The mother - by allowing the stepfather around the stepkids at least - is failing to protect her kids. Essentially she’s putting her second marriage at a higher priority than her kids from the first marriage. I know, right now he’s ordered to keep away - but I’m assuming she wants him kept out of jail, and to move back in and restore the family unit. I can’t imagine a custody judge finding this acceptable.
Here’s a thought: If stepfather does do jail time, could the mother move East with all the kids? This has a number of advantages in my mind:
Clear physical removal from the stepfather’s arena
Keeps all the siblings together
Allows greater visitation with Greg, while leaving the physical custody intact
Stepmother would have to find a job to support the kids anyway, and the DC area is somewhat less hard-hit than some other parts of the country.
Forgot to ask, didn’t see it here, perhaps it’s made clear in the earlier threads: what are the genders of Greg’s children? If the 13 year old is female, I’d sure hope a judge would think “Hmmm… pled no contest to messing with a 13 year old girl, wonder if he has access to any other 13 year old girls… hellOOOOOOOO!”.
If Stepdad will be remaining in the home Greg has a compelling reason for wanting his children to live with him instead.
If Stepdad ends up serving time the lifestyle of all six children will change dramatically anyway. Since they have already experienced upheaval my own opinion is that the better place for Greg’s kids to land in a whole new set of circumstances is in Greg’s home.
Before you start getting yourself ready to go to war I think you really need a lot more details about the context of the offense in order to make a rational determination of whether he is an actual imminent threat to the girls. He may be a cheater and an SOB, but whether he is an actual danger as a predatory pedophile may be a more involved judgement.
Based on your links and reading between the lines it sounds like may have had oral or digital (ie fingers) non-intercourse sexual contact with a 14 year old. While it is irrelevant legally, it’s fairly important re assessing risk to the other kids to know if:
1: He understood she was 14 - some 14 year old girls look considerably older than their age
2: What is the context - were he and she drunk-drugged or not etc.
3: Were these people (mother and daughter) he had any prior contact with and could reasonably be expected to know the 14 year olds age and history.
None of the above matters WRT the legal judgement that he had sexual relations with a minor, but could be important is assessing his probable risk as a sexual predator of young children.
I suspect that ‘poverty’ is a less compelling argument in court for changing custody than ‘the kids are exposed to living in the same home as a convicted child molester’. After all, presumably non-custodial dad is paying child support for his children.
The difficulty here is that, as I understand it, the kids have been living with mom for a while. I can’t speak to this specific jurisdiction, but in most courts there is a strong presumption that, absent parental misconduct of some sort, that is where they should stay.
Now if stepdad was convicted of a serious offense involving children and was going to be living with them, that may well be enough to rebut that presumption - depending I would assume on the details of the offense. But therein lies the rub: the more serious the offense the greater the chance he’ll be in jail, and so not a threat for some years at least.
I doubt very much that being merely the partner of a convicted child molester is in and of itself enough to rebut the presumption, if she was not a party to his crime.
No, it really doesn’t. I don’t know the timeline on the sentencing or anything else here, but this is not a situation where the kids’ father should be waiting around. If he’s concerned about their safety, he needs to do what he can to get them out of there.
According to the OP, sentencing is in a month. Step-dad is currently out on bail, again according to the OP.
Thus the window of danger is the next month. It may be difficult to get a custody hearing on such notice - that varies a lot by jurisdiction, but typically courts are overworked and getting a hearing expedited is possible but with a high onus to demonstrate the urgency.