“What can Brown do for you?,” the commercials ask. “Flush,” I answer. When you proudly give your company a nickname that makes people think of FECES, I just don’t think you’re setting your sites too high.
UPS Ground has always provided me with markedly worse service than USPS, Fedex Ground, and Airborne Express Ground. I’m getting so sick of seeing Pricewatch merchants offer only UPS shipping, or offer, say free UPS shipping, but charge $10 if you want anything else. It’s gotten to the point where I will often go out of my way and pay more money for the same product from different merchants just to avoid Brown.
Last week, however, I didn’t have that luxury. I’m building a computer, and, since it’s for my wife’s friend’s family, I’m really trying to get the most bang for my buck. I want Kingston RAM, but I want it cheap. Same deal with the kickass Enermax PSU, Asus motherboard, etc. So I had to go with UPS on a few of the items. I promised this family that I’d have their computer up and running for them by this weekend, because the lastest estimated delivery date was Thursday from Airborne.
As of today, Friday, I have everything but the motherboard. If I was missing, say, the DVD burner, I could have still assembled the computer, gave it to them for the weekend, making a couple kids very happy, and brought the burner over on Monday. But no. It’s the motherboard. The motherboard that was shipped last Friday. The motherboard that, when I checked on Monday, was still estimated for delivery on Wednesday, despite the fact that it took over three days just to get out of California.
I checked again on Tuesday. Four days after shipping, it was only in Albuquerque and now the estimated delivery date had been rescheduled for Friday. Fucking fuckers! If I had the motherboard on Wednesday, I could have built the computer and installed the OS that day, then tossed in the DVD-burner when I got it from Airborne on Thursday, and given it to them that night. But no, UPS had to go and fuck everything up like they always do.
I checked the status again on Thursday night, hoping UPS had realized how far behind this package was and expedited it accordingly. Nope. As of last night, my package had just arrived at a dock over 300 miles away in Jackson, MS. Now, seeing as how the delivery had already been rescheduled once, you’d think they’d ship it right out of Jackson the same night. It’s only about a six-hour drive from Jackson to here. Nope. Friday afternoon and it’s still sitting in Mississippi. Estimated delivery has again been rescheduled, now for fucking Monday. That’s ten days if you’re counting. And still no guarantee that it will even be here on Monday. Stupid me. I should have known that Brown would shit all over my plans.
I guess if there’s anything good about UPS, it’s that they don’t just leave the packages in front of my apartment door when I’m not home like all the other shippers do. I mean, I live in a little fourplex apartment. My neighbor’s door is just a few feet away from mine. My neighbor is a crackhead. Do the fucking math.
I have a very small barbecue grill right outside my door. One of those cheapo $10 models with a diameter not much larger than that of an LP. One time, FedEx lifted the lid of the grill, placed my package in the grill, and put the lid back on. Clever. Oh, but did I mention that the package was big enough to stick out of the grill on all four sides?! Look, I know crackheads have a reputation for being stupid, but give them some credit! Christ.
USPS, Fedex, and Airborne have all left >$100 computer parts sitting right outside my door for anyone to steal. Apparently, when those companies say “Ground,” they mean it literally. They’ll toss your expensive goods right on the ground for anyone to grab.
At least Brown doesn’t do that. Although, to be fair, sometimes they don’t even get a chance. Once I ordered a $200 digital camera shipped via UPS. Or at least that’s what it was when it left the company. By the time it got to my door, it was a re-taped empty box and my camera was the “bonus” of some unscrupulous UPS employee (probably in New Orleans, where the package sat for five fucking days). It took me four months to get my money back on that one.
Damn, this post has gotten rather long. Sorry about that. I’m just blowing off some steam. Feel free to add your own shipping rant to the fire.