I am the executor on my mother’s estate. A sibling and I are warring over aspects of the way the estate is being handled. As a result, the sibling insists that that I no longer have sole private access to the estate bank account.
Since this feud is likely to settle down in the future and there is practically no activity on the account, I am happy to molify said sibling without doing anything inappropriate or ultimately stupid, like closing the account, or putting it in the sibling’s name – two proposals that the hot-headed sibling tossed out.
I’m seeking ideas that I can suggest when I see my sibling in a couple of hours.
I, myself, dreamed up a couple of proposals, but I have no idea if they are feasible. Can the account be “frozen” for a period of time such that NO ONE, including me, the executor, can get at it?
Or can the bank be asked to notify my sibling if any activity takes place in the account?
I need suggestions ASAP or this family feud might escalate into a hot war. THANKS!
IANAL but in general you have been given the legal responsibility by a probate court for handling the assets of this Estate. You run the risk of being sued personally by any other heirs, beneficiaries, debtors, etc., if you muck things up. Leave the account alone and work out the differences. If the sibling thinks you’re being unfair or making bad decisions, their recourse is to go back to the probate court and state their case. As long as you are following the instructions that were provided in the will, you’re on safe ground.
I think it is always better to do money things legally.
If you are the executor, then you take action. That’s why you were appointed.
As for your rude sibling, I think that inheritance can bring out the worst in people.
My father was appointed executor of my great-aunt’s estate. She had almost no possessions (say £500 / $1,000), and my parents were practically the only ones who ever visited her, but the bitterness over cheap jewellery and coffee tables was incredible.
I wouldn’t give the sibling signatory rights on the account.
Reasonable periodic statements of activity are certainly something you could send out to all beneficiaries.
I’d second Muffin’s recommendation to consult with an estate lawyer to clarify some things with you.
Two of my three brothers were named as co-executors of my mother’s will. The third brother - who has made a career out of offending and alienating the entire rest of the family - was on the warpath from day one. Made threats of legal action pretty much twice a day for the first 2 months and twice a week thereafter. (where’s the :: putz :: smiley when ya need it) Including attempting to make my other two brothers sign a document saying they would make no disbursements over a couple hundred dollars without written permission from all beneficiaries. I think he knew he had no legal grounds (he’s a lawyer) which was probably why it never went any further. Nonetheless, the executors did consult with an attorney of their own a couple of times just to protect themselves.
Don’t let your sibling hold the estate-setting process hostage (this is what Asshole Brother was attempting to do).
Banks do that all the time, particulary when you don’t want them to.
If you freeze the account, then how will you pay the estate’s liabilities, including legal fees should the matter not settle forthwith?
In any event, usually this sort of agreed upon “freezing” is usually not done at the bank. Instead, the funds are held in a lawer’s trust account, with any restrictions on use being agreed upon by the parties before the funds are handed over to the lawyer in trust that he/she will follow the agreement.
At this point, you need to see a lawyer who specializes in probate. Most likely this means an estates lawyer, but check to make sure that he or she is very familiar with the probate process in your jurisdiction.
Adding your sibling as a signatory to the account is a horrible idea. As the executor or the administrator, you have a fiduciary duty to manage the estate. You don’t want to give him access to the account.
If your sibling is being difficult, tell him that you will see an attorney who specializes in probate. I don’t know your jurisdiction, but the cost of an attorney to assist you with these things can be paid out of the estate, so it won’t come out of your pocket. That being said, all these are issues that you should discuss with your attorney.
I almost know how this goes. I was the executor for my mother’s estate as well, and it was not fun. I can tell you that here in Maryland you can’t do anything funny with the estate money as they want reasons as to why you spent it in the first place. I would say not to put it in the sibling’s name since you’re the one who is the executor and anything they do you have to account for. You might be able to talk to the probate people, I was able to do that when I had questions.
I feel for you, I had so many screwy problems it wasn’t even funny. I didn’t even have any problems from the other kids. Death sure does some crazy things to people.
DO NOT FREEZE THE ACCOUNT OR GIVE YOUR SIBLING ACCESS. PERIOD.
At least not unless you have enough cash of your own to comfortably handle estate debts until you can be reimbursed. Your sibling can’t do much more than bitch without being executor.
Seconded on the “hire a probate lawyer” if there’s money. In addition to the fact probate’s a major pain in the ass (especially for my mom’s estate- she died intestate) it’s a good CYA move in case sibling wants to come back in 5 years and say “I really don’t think I got my fair share”. Document the hell out of everything and see that everybody has copies.
I’ve seen families fall apart over estates. My mother was executrix of her father’s estate and didn’t speak to her brother for the last 20 years of their lives due to arguments over how the estate (worth about $10,000 in cash and $20,000 in next to impossible to liquidate property) was distributed. (Their relationship was so bad that when he died she drank a toast to the brain cancer that killed him- true story- and one reason was because she failed to keep exact receipts for every penny she spent [the ultimate matter of contention was less than $1000 and that was mainly in filing fees and travel money she spent out of pocket and reimbursed herself for thinking nobody would think she was skimming such a puny amount for something that took up weeks of her time.)
I second what Sampiro says and urge you to keep documentation on everything. DO not freeze the account. It would be worth it for you to go see a probate attorney. It might be misconduct for you to give your siblings access to the estate account, assuming that the bank is crazy enough to let you. It is worth it to see an attorney because probate laws vary a greatly from one state to the other
Keep all bank statements in a separate folder and keep receipts for every dime that you spend as executor. If you have to reimburse yourself, keep receipts for the original expenses and be prepared to show that they were reasonable.
Your sibling isn’t the executor, you are. It is your ass on the line, so don’t knuckle under unless they have good reason.
I realize that going to an estates lawyer might seem to be aggravating the matter, but in all honesty, I have found that usually a good estates lawyer will settle things down. If the lawyer can’t calm the waters, then the matter probably would have ended up in litigation anyway, in which case the earlier on the estates lawyer is retained, the better. Often I have seen matters that have got out of hand simply because an estates lawyer was not retained early enough – an honest dispute that could be negotiated ends up snowballing until WWIII breaks out between family members. Without assistance from an estates lawyer, things can get in an awful, sometimes hateful, muddle.
BTW, about a third of my practice is estate litigation.
