I had a nice long fleshed out post that explained this, but when I went to submit it erased it all (damn computer), so here is the Cliff’s notes.
My gf has a RM who has a cat. This cat used to be freerange within the house, and has managed to pursuade my GF and I to fall in love with her supreme furriness. The RM has a BF for the last 6 months who she is spending more and more time with, which means she ignores the cat. She used to like to lock the cat away in her room, we finally convinced her otherwise.
Recently she has taken to locking this poor cat away all day, and all night. The Rm is home an average of one hour a day, with an occasional entire night spent here. Thsi means that if the cat is locked up, she is alone a lot. She cries, and it makes my GF and I very sad.
Is there anything we should do (beyond letting the cat out possibly against an ambiguous note( locked away when RM is gone, or only when we are all gone)). We did let her out tonight, as my GF and I are in firm agreement that the locking away constitutes abuse.
Is it possible that RM thinks that it’s unfair on your girlfriend to have to look after her cat so she’s locking her up so as not to be a nuisance?
In which case something simple such as, “you know, I really like the cat, I’m happy to care for the little critter when you’re away. She’s so cute, and I get so distressed hearing her cry because she wants to come out to play, I hope you don’t mind that I let her out”, might work.
I second blackhobyah. And wonder…that must be a pretty strained/nonexistent relationship if GF and RM haven’t communicated on the logistics of locking the poor kitty up all day.
I see a possessiveness issue here, which IMO would explain a lot: “MY cat.” It’s “MY cat and I can lock her up if I want to. I used to lock her up, but GF and her SO prevailed upon me to let her out, but now I wanna re-establish my control over the situation and resume locking the cat up.”
It may be that it annoys RM that you and GF make a big to-do out of “HER” cat, when you come over to visit, petting it and whatnot. It can be mighty irritating, to have other people glom onto something that you consider a personal possession (cat, baby, motorcycle), and Ooooh and aaaah over it, over and beyond the simple “Oh, what a nice cat/baby/Harley” upon first introduction. If you and GF are always playing with the cat, maybe RM just wishes you would quit, and has taken to locking “HER” cat back up.
So if it is a possessiveness issue, then you and GF subversively releasing the cat, even if you do persuade yourselves that it’s “abuse” (which BTW I don’t think the Humane Society or any other animal rights officialdom would agree with you, as long as she’s fed and has access to water and a clean litterbox) is going to be counter-productive, and may result in the RM getting rid of the cat, if she psychologically needs absolute control over it, and you and GF won’t let her have that.
If she’s paying half the rent, and she’s locking the cat up in her room, that she’s paying for, then I’m sorry but I don’t see that you and GF have any kind of ethical ground to stand on to tell her how to care for her cat, espcially if, as I said, it doesn’t seem to involve actual abuse. She’s got food and water and a nice big room; lots of cats out there don’t even have that much. It annoys her not to be able to roam around the house all day, but she’ll get over it.
If the kitty’s cries are disturbing/upsetting Like Fry and his GF then I think it is their business.
Perhaps that would be the best tack: rather than “we wuv wittle fwuffy tummy and want to pway wiv him”, get your gf to say “look, RM, I pay the rent here too, and the cat crying is disturbing me. Please therefore let it out.” This makes it a human rights issue, not a cat kidnapping one.
When she is out we dont necessarilly play with her all the time, just when she wants to, such is the whim of cats. A lot of the times we are busy too, but still feel the cat should at least have freedom and be able to have the choice to be around someone. I still feel that the RM seeing the cat for 20-30 minutes in the morning and the same in the afternoon and then leaving her by herself all of the rest of the day and night is sad.
The room is not large, though maybe for a cat. There is a sliding glass door, but it doesnt look out on anything.
One definate thing we noticed when they first stated living together and the cat was locked up was that it started behaving better when left out, i.e. she would be a pest when she only got out for the few minutes a day, but if she was out for a few days, she would be very well behaved.
My GF has mentioned how it is not a big deal for the cat to be freerange in the house.
There are no other roommates.
I have to admit I feel my GF’s frustration in trying to talk to the RM. She is literally never there, and is always too busy(mainly being with her BF and taking care of the BF’s dog) to make time to talk.
The RM also refers to her cat as the only child she will ever have, which maybe I think is a good thing, as a small child locked in a room all day would be a serious human rights issue and abuse.
I think it is the right of any living breathing creature to have the choice of companionship. When out the cat will go snooze somewhere, or play with her toys, or just watch traffic. It really isnt a constant “we are playing with the cat full time” issue. I just know the cat has no choice in having companionship when she is locked up.