I would post this as a poll, but I don’t seem to have the option to do so. The weather’s nice, isn’t it? It is… oh, let’s get on with it.
(clears throat)
(straightens tie)
I HAVE A BATH
with no shower, which means that I have to have a bath when I wake up in the morning. Yeah, it’s odd, but on the other hand there is something about lowering your bottom into a nice hot bath on a cold day. It’s like going back into the womb - bottom-first. And when I say “lowering your bottom” I mean, of course, my bottom. This one, right here. (points) Yeah, take a good look.
Now, here’s the thing. I’m a normal man, living in Britain, and I am part of normal everyday society. Which of the following things are acceptable for a normal person to do when having a bath, in normal everyday Western society, in order:
- Washing
- Shampooing hair
- Shaving
- Brushing teeth
- Washing clothes (after doing the first four - in the same bathwater)
I’m fairly certain that most people would not be disgusted by the first two things; but that shaving is a bit odd, and the last two are basically Steptoe & Son, e.g. primitive even for the 1960s.
So, assuming you also have a bath, what’s your definition of normal on this scale? Hmm? I imagine that the vast majority of people here are frequent shower-ers, but when I was growing up we only had baths, and I’ve always thought of showers as the other. They’re practical, I’ll give you that. But I never feel that my feet get as clean.
Also, washing the face. Normal way, or do you just roll over face-down? And then roll back again? The world needs to know.
Also, see what I did there, with “I HAVE A BATH (no punctuation) (line break) continue with the sentence”? I was trying to evoke - in writing - the habit that people have of blurting out the beginning of a sentence awkwardly, and then toning things down after realising that they are blurting. Blurt, that’s a great word. Sounds like the thing it describes. Blurt Ward, ehehe. Blurt Russell. William Blurt. ? and the Mysterians, ehehehe. Cloth. Tyres. The freezing of foods. And a lot of bands.