I am very serious. And don’t call me Shirley.
“What’s a dazzling urbanite like yourself doing in a rustic setting like this?” from Blazing Saddles. A good ice breaker.
“I’ve never seen a more pasty-faced bunch of deputies in my life.” from Tom Horn. Fun to say when you walk into a room full of tired, angry, or bored people.
“I apologize unreservedly.” from A Fish Called Wanda, a good start when I’ve screwed up big time.
The problem is so many of my quotes are too obscure, but I still get a kick out of them. I’m starting to use stuff from Slap Shot now like, “Morris you make me sick when you speak.”
Whenever anyone uses that FMJ “major malfunction” line on me I always remind them what happened to the DI in that movie and then I let out an evil laugh.
Yeah, but where would we be without such memorable classics as, “I ought to rip off your head and shit down your throat, private!”?
“Ok ramblers, let’s get rambling” - Resevoir Dogs
“Time’s like these, my father used to say to me, 'What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night?! Why don’t you get out of there and give someone else a chance?!” - Young Frankenstein
“I love you honeybunny” - Pulp Fiction
On the bbs my wife frequents, she often uses the phrase “I got two words for you: learn to f@ckin’ type” from Resevoir Dogs, and then gets corrected by people not smart enough to get the joke.
“Make out a sentence from the following list of words: shut, face, your, sodding” - Black Adder
“Look… you are gonna die… sorry… it’s very hard… I’m Frank… I’m a bunny… my eye it’s… shot out” - Christopher Walkin impression from the director’s cut of Donny Darko
“That reminds me, I got to call your momma tonight” - Smoky and the Bandit
My most recent edition is from Kelso on “That 70’s Show” - “I have three things that most women want: I am smart and I am pretty.”
Dont really use movie/tv quotes while in conversation with someone. Rather, Ill just spit out lines randomly. Some of my favorites:
“Not that theres anything wrong with that.” -Seinfeld
“And the doctor said I’d get alot less nosebleeds if I kept my FINGER outta there.” -Ralph Wiggum
“No one of consequence” -Princess Bride
To more complex ones:
“Peter: Hey, whats the deal with the Count anyways? Is he a vampire or something? With the fangs and all. They ever show him doing someone in and then feeding on them?
Brian: Your asking if SESAME STREET… has ever done an episode in which the count kills someone…Then feasts on the their blood for sustainance?
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No. No they havent.” -Family Guy
“We have a piper down, I repeat, the piper is down”
and “It is evil. E-vil. As in, the fru-its of the dev-il.” (So I Married an Axe Murderer)
“Should we just stand here, or should we suck face?” (On Golden Pond)
“That is one TASTY burger!” (Pulp Fiction) Burger here is interchangable with any good food. It’s the “tasty” part that counts.
“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” (Dirty Dancing) Good whenever someone tries to limit me.
“I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i waaaaaaaaaaaaaaant the kniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.” (Pause) “Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease.” (The Golden Child) This one is useful when cooking with Mr. TeaElle – fortunately he has not given me the knife in my gut.
I got a few of mine from the rarely-seen Adventures of Ford Fairlane, starring Andrew Dice Clay:
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When listening to someone bitch for a long period about anything, saying, “Aww…he/she seems niiiice.”
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Whenever someone says either “fuck me” or “fuck you,” “maybe later.”
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“Here’s to you, buddy…sucking my dick”
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Whenever someone expresses disbelief at something I say, “No shit, honey. What do think this is? Real life?” (Note: This is my favorite exchange in the entire movie. A girl asks Clay for his phone number. He says, “555-[4 numbers]” She says “wait a minute…555’s not a real number. They only use that in the movies.” Clay responds with the quote above)
I’ve also discovered that the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie was a treasure trove for quotes, too.
“Of course you realize this means war!”
When someone uses the phrase “you expect me to…”, I respond, “No, Mr. Bond! I expect you to DIE!”
“And stop calling me Shirley.”
“Has anybody got any dimes? Somebody’s got to go back and get a shitload of dimes!” - whenever I’m in need of change for the vending machine.
“Do I look like a beautiful blonde with big tits and an ass that smells like french vanilla ice cream?” “No.” “Okay, then why are you telling me all this bullshit? You wanna fuck me?”
“You <insert activity here> like old people fuck – Slow and Sloppy.” - George Carlin
“Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moon light?”
“For instance, this is filed under H for ‘toy’.”
“Gimme de keys!!”, “He doesn’t even have a license, Lisa!”, “I didn’t think it was a whale’s dick, honey”, and “In your dream, did I get up in the middle of the night and yak in your sink?” - must be spoken the same way they were delivered in Weird Science.
“Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.”, “Shhhh. You smell something?”, and “Cats and dogs living together…Mass Hysteria!”
“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.”
“We’re gonna have so much fucking fun that we’ll be whistling zippidee-doo-dah out our assholes!”
saying “i know” after my girlfriend told me she loved me always got the response “ok han” then it got me dumped!
I’m going to post here last
“I have a bad feeling about this…” - crops up at least once in every Star Wars movie
“…you’re just saying that because it’s never been done!”
“As you wish.”
“Inconceivable!” - The Princess Bride
Hmmm…from the rest of this thread, looks like a lot of people use a lot of the same lines I do…
“(noun)? (noun)!? We don’t need no stinking (noun plural)!” (Treasure of the Sierra Madre)
When my son was four, if anyone asked him what he wanted to eat he’d say, “fava beans and a nice chianti.” (Silence of the Lambs) Yeah, stay at home mom with too much time on her hands, I know.
If anyone loses anything in the house and asks who’s seen it you’ll usually get the response, “I’ve seen it, it’s very nice.” (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
There is a scene in My Favorite Year where Peter O’Toole is hanging from the roof of an apartment building using a fire hose as a rope. He is slightly drunk and wearing a tuxedo. When they pull him up onto the balcony, he is holding a cigarette in his hand. In his very proper but slurred English accent he says, “Do you have a light?” My brother and I use this all the time when we can’t find our lighthers.
The opportunity to comment rchly that “The Great Tyrant enjoys resenting the expense of feeding orchids to slaves” (Barbarella) arises with surprising frequency in academia.
I also employ variants on “‘Sir’?! Don’t call me ‘sir’; I work for a living!” (Good Morning Vietnam and all movies with sargeants in them). It’s only funny because nobody calls me “sir.”
I love that movie!!!
“Alfredo, we shan’t need the car anymore. We’re going to throw up in the park and then walk home.”
“Niblick is my Sherpa guide from the Himalayas.”
Remember I said I was going to post here last?
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I Lied
“Yes I lied to you first, but you didn’t know I lied to you first so You lied to me first.” Midnight Run
I like to open a door, poke my head inside and say to whoever’s in there, “Good luck. We’re all counting on you.” and close the door again. * - Airplane.*
Darth Vader’s “I have you now.” as I’m chasing around my girlfriend’s little boy.
“Now go away or I shall taunt you a second tahm-uh.” gets used all the time between my and my friends.
Riding down the road the other day with g/f and little boy in tow, out of nowhere I slap my leg and shout, “Hot damn we got us a family!” I got a particularly strange look for that one.
Oh, and every time I have mashed potatoes, I sculpt them into a mound and say, “This means something. This is important.”