Neither. I’m talking about the terms that I feel comfortable using with my peers. It’s really not the business of anyone outside those relationships what terms we use.
I’m trying not to react to this as a hostile comment, so I’ll only refer you to Post No. 49.
I’m coming in late here, so my opinions briefly: “female” as a noun is eyebrow-raising; “woman” is always acceptable as a neutral (That woman took the last watermelon.); don’t call me a girl even if you’re my peer (one exception: girls night out).
Now, about “ladies”. To me, the word lady has a couple of troublesome connotations. A) It seems to imply a women who behaves in a ladylike fashion. In general, I’m not a huge fan of gender-based etiquette, so I don’t often feel comfortable with “lady.” B) It carries some social class implications, as well. That is, rich women are ladies, poor women are not. I don’t like that, either.
However, I will freely admit to calling groups of little girls “ladies,” generally in order to make them giggle. I will also catch myself referring to “that lady over there” when talking to kids. It seems to be ingrained.
I think there are class differences involved in level of comfort with the use of “female.” Americans of working-class background are most likely to use “female” in place of “woman.” In that context, maybe it is more neutral? Or are we still considering the possible attitudes that may lie behind seemingly neutral word usage?
I know that my own gut reaction is to find it jarring to hear a woman referred to as a female, in a nonclinical setting. It seems dehumanizing and distancing. It’s not unlike how the Coneheads always referred to “people” as “humans.” So when I hear someone talk about a “female,” I do start wondering military? law enforcement? working class? misogynist? creep?
To me, “lady” has been divorced from its condenscending “ladylike” connotations and it’s not old-fashioned at all since it’s used all the time, non-ironically, by young and old.
“Who took the last watermelon?”
“The lady over there.”
If I were the “lady” being referenced in this exchange, my ears would register this the same way I would if I were man being called a “guy”. It’s not as though I’d have a problem being referred to as a “woman”, but “lady” has a made a casual connotation that “woman” does not.
I wasn’t aware that we were speaking only of casual relationships. I still wouldn’t see anything wrong with using “ladies,” but depending on the intimacy of the relationships there might be a bit of ironic sense of (over)formality. In the same way I might greet a group of male friends as “gentlemen,” even those I’d just as easily (and affectionately) address as “hey, asshole!”