In another thread, a doper was taken to task for using the word “Ma’am” to address a fellow doper. And in other situations, I’ve heard women balk at the word “hysterical” (because of its roots, it’s considered offensive even today) and “female” because it otherizes women…or something. I don’t know, makes them out to be a different species. I think it’s using female as a noun that bothers people–so female doctor or female lawyer is fine. But saying, “I saw two females” is considered by some to be offensive.
I’m a female doper and none of these things bother me, and I can’t think of any words that do. Do any of you feel offended by them and if so, why?
It’s all in context. Any of the above can be insulting, depending on the tone and topic. In general, I love the term “Ma’am” and use it whenever possible.
One of my personal quirks is that I tend to avoid the word man/men. It has way too many implications, many of which I disagree with. I almost always use “male”, “guy”, “boy” (regardless of age*) or, if I’m feeling retro, “fella.” Pretty much any other term that indicates that this person is male.
I like people-who-happen-to-have-penises, but I really hate the concept of “manliness” as it’s expressed in our culture.
*unless the person is African-American, in which case I try to only use it if they’re under about 13, for obvious reasons.
I don’t care for the word “gal” used as a handle for a low-ranking clerical person. I haven’t heard it for awhile, but a familar phrase might have been “Have the gal run down and get me a cup of coffee”, or “Let’s hire a part-time gal to answer the phones”. This despite the fact that the woman in question might have been of an age to get hot flashes.
A woman attorney would never have been called a “gal” if someone spoke of her in connection with her job.
As a general rule, if you’re female and we are not on a first name basis, I’m prolly gonna refer to you as ma’am. I was in court earlier today. The judge is female. If you were to review the transcript, you’ll likely find multiple instances of both lawyers saying something like “Yes, ma’am, Your Honor”.
I think it all depends on context. “Ma’am” and “Lady” for example can be used in a way that is a bit precious, or as a way to diminish who is being spoken/referred to. THAT can grate on my nerves. Same with “female” … in and of itself, no, I don’t give it a second thought. If used as a noun, rather than “woman” or “women” it does seem a little distancing – they’re not people of the female gender, they’re “females.” (But then I’d think the same thing if someone used “male” instead of “man.”) If female or lady or even woman used as an adjective in a context that doesn’t require gender qualification – “female doctor” instead of just “doctor” – then my antennae do wiggle a bit.
This is similar to why I object to “bitch” – it’s saying that not only is that person a bad person, but they’re bad AND female, which is somehow especially offensive. Or, even worse, that they are a bad person BECAUSE they are female.
And I won’t even discuss the horribleness of the c-word. (And no, before anyone pipes up, I don’t call men penis-related epithets, I find those just as offensive.)
Nah, they don’t bother me. Not even the derogatory terms.
The only time I’m ever ruffled by being called “Ma’am” is when the speaker is close to my age or older. Ma’am=old to me somehow, and I don’t quite enjoy the reminder, tyvm.
Yep. I try to avoid gender-based insults. It’s surprisingly difficult. However, there are plenty of fine names that one can call people without being sexist or slut-shaming. (Asshole, idiot, dumbass, silly goose, moron, fucking fuckface, and numbskull, to list but a few, are all applicable to anyone regardless of whether they’re an innie or an outie.)
“Female”-as-a-noun bothers me. I don’t find it offensive, exactly, but it tells me something about the person who is using it that way and that person’s attitudes toward women, and that something is not positive. “Female” as an adjective can also take on some weird overtones.
“Lady,” depending on how it’s being said, can rub me the wrong way.
What really pisses me off is when guys use the word “chick” to describe some random woman outside a bar/party context. Ex: “The chick from the dealership called and said my car is ready”, “Is she the chick you took a class with last spring?”, and so on.
Bitch I don’t mind if the person really was being a bitch. Lady/Ma’am/Miss can be said with a tone but I wouldn’t necessarily assume it’s a sexist thing, they are all correct forms of address. Chick just bothers me because it’s so often used to describe an adult woman who was just going about her day.
Hate female as a noun. Very National Geographic. ‘The females approach the watering hole…’ Also odd and occasionally offensive when people use it when it isn’t needed (e.g. Lady Doctor, and in the same vein, Male Nurse, Male Nanny or Male Secretary).
Then again, it was also odd when people spoke of the possibility of Clinton being the ‘First Woman President’ (as opposed to ‘man presidents’?).
Like so many words in the English language, context can mean everything. ‘Lady’ can be polite or a slur. So can ‘Ma’am,’ ‘Miss,’ ‘Ms,’ even ‘woman.’ You can bet any time someone on the SDMB spells ‘women’ as ‘wimmin’ or some variant thereof they’re about to rail against the evils of feminism, gynocracies, liberal arts educations, OBGYNs, etc.
I don’t find “hysterical” offensive because of its origin, but I have all too often seen the term used as a dismissive description of women’s concerns. The term doesn’t seem to be applied to men’s concerns nearly so often. It doesn’t bother me when used in some gender-neutral context like “right-wing hysteria” or “PC hysteria” or “that comedy was hysterical”, but the word is frequently used in a context that suggests the speaker believes that women’s problems are due to their overemotional or irrational nature. I’m sure that some choose to use “hysterical” in that particular context because of its origins.
Using “female” as a noun bothers me only in that it sounds stupid. Well, now that I think of it I can’t remember ever hearing someone say “I saw two males” in an ordinary conversation. If this construction really is more commonly used to describe women then there may be something to the idea that it “otherizes” women. But mostly it just sounds stupid.
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I’m not sure if this was what amarinth meant, but sometimes people unnecessarily point out that they’re talking about a female lawyer, doctor, professor, etc. This can suggest either that there’s something strange about a woman in these professions or that the fact that the professional is a woman is a problem for the speaker. It’s kind of like when someone unnecessarily specifies the race of the person they’re complaining about. If someone says for example “I don’t like that female lawyer” then they might just be trying to distinguish the particular lawyer they dislike from her male peers, but one might understandably infer that the lawyer’s sex is part of the reason the speaker dislikes her.
There’s nothing special about “female” in this context, though. “I don’t like that woman lawyer” or “I don’t like that lawyer…you know, the woman” would be just as bad.
About the only time Lady bothers me is when it’s used to designate sex where it doesn’t need to be. As in lady doctor, lady lawyer, etc. I don’t hear those much anymore, though. Not nearly as much as in sports teams. Those drive me right up the wall. Lady Vols, Lady Rockets, and for the love of Pete, Ladycats instead of Bobcats. Why are the girls’ teams not allowed to use the same name as the boys’ teams? Ticks me off every time.
On the other hand, ma’am doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t see why it would, if sir doesn’t.
None of the words discussed bother me. I don’t mind being a woman or other people noticing that I am a woman. The only reason I bristle at ‘‘ma’am’’ is because I am 26 and it means I’m getting old.
I think ‘‘cunt’’ and ‘‘bitch’’ are fantastic insults as are ‘‘bastard’’ and ‘‘dick.’’ I am an equal opportunity insult appreciator, as long as they are applied to the appropriate gender. I don’t like when men refer to one another as cunts because it’s obviously meant to be degrading. I suppose I wouldn’t like it if women referred to one another as dicks, but I have never in my life seen that happen.
The only thing that really offends me is when women are universally referred to as bitches or hoes or whatever. I have honest-to-god known men (in college, always in college) who refer to all women exclusively as ‘‘bitches’’ without discretion. As in, ‘‘How do you like the new teacher?’’ ‘‘Professor XX? That bitch is a hard grader.’’ It’s hard not to find that offensive.
Ma’am, but only because I’m far, far too young to be called “ma’am!” (I’m only 31, dammit!)
The word “pussy” turns me off, for some reason, especially when guys talk about “getting some pussy”, or “I’ve eaten more pussy than you’ll ever see in your lifetime”, etc. (And yes, if a lesbian spoke like this, I would be equally offended. I HATE being referred to as “pussy”)
Other than that, I can’t really think of any. Want to call me a bitch? Go right ahead. (In fact, I used to have a keychain in high school that said, “I am not A bitch, I am THE bitch!”)
Not being a southerner, the only time I hear the term “ma’am” is right before someone talks down to me/insults my intelligence/humours me in a condescending way - it sets my teeth on edge like nothing else. I can’t reproduce the tone that is used in a written media, but it is always the same - someone is calling me a bitch without using the word, instead of dealing with me as an adult with valid concerns.