Using windshield wipers correlates with small genital size?

The BBQ Pit
1

You would think so based on the number of male drivers who resist turning on their wipers when it’s raining, even in the fabulous modern age of the intermittent wiper. And not just in a light drizzle, but a good solid shower as well.

“I am a Manly Man, venturing forth in my Mazda Protege to hunt down meat to drag back to my cave. I am keen of eye and care not that my windshield is streaming water like Niagara. I shall resist turning on my wipers until several pedestrians have caromed off my hood.”

Jesus H. Christ. Turn on the damn wipers!

2

Yeah, and if you (or whatever passenger happens to be in the car) once again puts your hand anywhere near my steering wheel, said hand is going to get dragged back to my cave and it won’t be attached to anything.

I grew up driving in the fucking Pacific Northwest, I know how to drive in rain! Four pissant raindrops on the windshield are not going to kiss us you idgit! I personally find it easier to see through raindrops than through smears, which, if the windshield is not wet enough is what I’ll get. I’m driving, I’ve not killed anybody yet. If you don’t trust me to get you there alive then you damn well shouldn’t have parked your ass in my fucking passenger seat.

And if I see one goddam more “phantom brake” out of you because the car 500 feet in front of us has begun to slow and yet I haven’t deigned to hit the breaks, I’m going to put that foot in the pile with all the unattached hands!

3

Why don’t you go fuck yourself?! I’ll drive any god damn way I want to! Next you’re going to start telling me to use turn signals and go the speed limit, right? You pansy fuckers can take your windshield wipers and shove them straight up your asses!

Real men drive naked, with no windshield, in the rain, drinking a 40 of OE, their only protection being a thin coat of Rain-X on their eyeballs.

4

kiss should, of course, be kill.
And what Demo said, with appropriate accompanying grunts.

5

Man, I am seriously considering making that my new sig. You mind?

Oh, and Jackmannii? You want to use your windshield wipers? Fine. But shut the fuck up if I happen to know how to drive without turning them on. I hate things flashing across my field of vision every couple of seconds, so unless there’s a real Wrath-of-God type downpour, my wipers stay safely secured at the bottom of my Rain-X treated windshield. Thank you, and fuck off.

6

I would be honored.

7

You know, I really hate any statement that smacks of “men are one way, women are another–it’s just human nature.” But this is one I can actually get behind.

Mazda Protege! Bwahahah! Needless to say, I agree with the OP.

8

It’s funny, because this thread made me think of a man I dated very briefly who exhibited the exact opposite behavior. In a very light rain shower, he had the wipers on HIGH. Drove me batshit. He stopped and got out for a minute to go inside someplace, and I reached over and turned the wipers down to Low…and the fucker turned them right back to High when he got back in. AARRGGHHHHH! That squeaking every time the blade goes across the windshield should tell you something, Champ. He had numerous other problems that made him unsuitable, that was just one of the more maddening ones.

9

This thread suddenly brought to mind something that happened back in my high school daze.

My date and I were both too young to drive, and he had invited me to the Homecoming Game. His dad was going to drive us there, then pick us up afterwards. It wasn’t very far at all.

It was raining like a BITCH that night. I don’t mean a slight drizzle, or a soothing sprinkle. I saw animals pairing up that night, with umbrellas and lightning rods. It was fucking pouring to beat the band’s ass.

My date and his dad picked me up at the appointed time. Had he not had his umbrella with him, I would have been soaked to the skin going the six feet to the car with him.

His dad drove an elderly (well, at that time it wasn’t all that old, now that I think about it) Buick Wildcat. It was enormous. Anyway, it had those new-fangled timed windshield wipers on it, and under any other circumstances, I would have thought them the epitome of cool.

However.

He had them set at ten-second intervals. You could not see out the windshield the instant they passed over…and then there was what felt like five years until they passed over again. I was sweating lead. I don’t think I have ever been that terrified in a car in my life. I timidly asked him to please speed them up. He insisted he could see just fine. Even my date was getting nervous.

I lived about four miles from the stadium, and it seemed like it took us about three hours to get there. When I got out, I told him if it was still raining when the game was over, I was calling my grandmother. He just laughed and said, “Oh, all girls get scared in the rain. I could see just fine.”

I took out my anger on my date that night, I’m sorry to say. And luckily it did stop raining, but his mom came to get us anyway.

Yeah, it won’t hurt to turn on the damn wipers, people. There is such a thing as pride going before a fall, y’know.

10

essentially off-topic, since I get pissed off at people who are too good to be safe… but I was recently driving across country with some friends and we hit a horrendous rainstorm in chicago… even with the wipers on full blast I could hardly see 10 feet in front of me… I’m driving as carefully as I possibly can, but my bitchy friend who’s sitting in the passenger seat will not fucking stop giving me crap. “Jesus could you go any fucking faster?” “Brake ights, keith, brake lights… you know what that means?”…and so on and so forth… fucking most annoying shit… and when I tell him to shut the hell up he just goes “its my fucking life on the line too!”

what a fucker…be nervous all you want…but bitching at me sure as hell isn’t gonna make it any safer.

11

Man, talk about your Freudian slips!

12

Oh boy Jack mate, did you hit a nerve or what! Dick size correlation may be one thing but aggro correlation seems right on the button.

So let’s see. That’s refusing to ask directions when lost, not washing hands after using the toilet, not putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket, oh, it’s just SO HARD being a man!

Down here in Australia we have this switch on the windscreen wiper called “intermittent”. It’s just fine for when there’s a few drops before the big wet hits in. Maybe cars in Northern America will get this feature one day. But then Real Men won’t use it I suppose.

13

“So let’s see. That’s refusing to ask directions when lost, not washing hands after using the toilet, not putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket, oh, it’s just SO HARD being a man!”
Yea…especially when warding off that homicidal tendancy to shove a fist in your flagellant cakehole! If you dont like the driver, get the hell out and walk! And I dont want to use my seat belt, I wont, If I dont want to use my wipers 24/7 I wont. Where does it say in the owners manual to “ask the opinionated bitching passenger with you for further intructions on how to use your wipers in inclimate weather”? I bought the car, its mine, and I say you can go lay by your dish!! And as far as the “Its so hard to be a man” shit, that is no doubt the direction men decided to take since no matter what the fuck we do or how we do it petty piss ant voice of hate and discontent crybabies like yourself will do nothing but BITCH! Get a life!! Bra burning has stopped years ago, and if you are still burning bras then you might have tree huggers after you for leaving those “underwire” fragments lying around and the chipumks might get hurt! LOL…

14

My wife always wants me to turn on the windshield wipers when there are just a few drops on the windshield. Now, I’m a very careful driver when there is any kind of precipitation and will be the first to turn on my wipers when my vision is being obscured, but I see no point in turning them on when there are probably only a couple of dozen drops on the windshield, total. The wipers will just smear them around for the first few sweeps and then make annoying sounds.

15

At 19 I was touring the West on a motorcycle when, going through a mountain pass, it started to rain and sleet like hell. So I pull over at a wide spot, cover my bike and run up into the trees for cover. Shitty cover, trees are. Soon a car pulls over near me and I ask the driver if I can sit in his car with him until the rain stops. Turns out his windshield wipers didn’t work on this piece of shit and he pulled over to try and juryrig something.

He’s got a 5 foot piece of string and an electric clock radio in the car, so he cuts the cord off the radio, ties it to the wiper end and runs the cord back thru the driver side window. Huh? He then ties the string to the same place on the wiper and runs it thru the passenger side window. Huh huh?

Last time I saw the retarded contortionist he’s driving off in a rain and sleet storms steering a K Car wannabe with his knees and alternately pulling and these two cords like a freakin’ puppeteer.

Needless to say, when I started out again I looked for him to be augered in to the bottom of the gorge every time I cruised through a sharp curve.

16

Wow, you’re an idiot.

Redboss, do gay aussies burn bras? :smiley:

17

Redboss is a guy, you twit. Issues much?

18

When I was driving back from Ontario a few months back, I hit a massive rainstorm in Montreal. This thing was practically a monsoon. I had my wipers on high, could barely see the hood of my car. Traffic was going about 25 mph, tops. And that still felt too fast. The car behind me honked, so I moved to the next lane over so they could pass, and the guy flys by me, with no wipers at all on! 20 minutes later, I saw him in the median.

19

When I was driving back from Ontario a few months back, I hit a massive rainstorm in Montreal. This thing was practically a monsoon. I had my wipers on high, could barely see the hood of my car. Traffic was going about 25 mph, tops. And that still felt too fast. The car behind me honked, so I moved to the next lane over so they could pass, and the guy flys by me, with no wipers at all on! 20 minutes later, I saw him in the median.

20

if you see someone drivin’ around in the pouring rain in an English car (mg, triumph, austin or other) with no wipers, he’s not trying to be cool. no, that is the curse of Lucas Electrics! they undoubtable do not work! (also, the reason he’s driving so fast is because he needs to get home before dark)

i swear by rain-x! you can forget those pesky wipers with a good coat of this magic elixer! it really works about as good as they say it does on the TV commercials. try it!