Valley of the Little Shits

The BBQ Pit
1

At around 3:30 in the afternoon during the work week, the Metro train system in Washington, D.C. is completely overrun by school-age children.

There are days when this isn’t a problem. Sure, the kids will talk loudly, congregate in groups, and generally be a little disruptive. But it’s not a real problem; they’re kids, and most people don’t pay them much attention.

But O verily, lead me not to the Valley of the Little Shits, by which name it hath becometh known. The behavior level of the kids has been bad far more often than good. In short, the kids treat the train as if it were their own personal school bus.

So here’s my opinion on the problem:

Kids should be banned from the public train system unless accompanied by an adult.

Now, wait, before you jump my case, let me try to justify this somewhat.

When on the train, these kids - and believe you me, it’s not just 2 or 3, it’s hundreds - exhibit such poor behavior that one is led to question their parents’ relation… to the human race. They throw things at each other, including themselves. They get in fights. They yell from one end of a car clear to the other end. They push, they shove, and generally are obnoxious little shits.

It’s very difficult for any adult to ride the train with these jerks on the same car.

Now, I know what you may be thinking. Hey, dantheman, I pay my taxes. My kids have a right to ride the train.

Yes, they do. And so do I, of course. But neither of us has the right to flout train rules, as well as the laws of the District itself.

For example, earlier this week a motley group of festering sores ate an entire Burger King meal on the train.

Ha, ha, you people from outside the D.C. area say. So what? I take my Big Mac on there all the time. Burp.

On Metro trains, eating is forbidden. In fact, it’s a jailable offense. Wasn’t too long ago that they were enforcing this rigidly, to the point where a kid eating a candy bar was tossed in the clink.

But nothing, no enforcement by authorities at any point. In fact, I haven’t heard anything in the news about Metro’s policies in a long time (people were upset that kids were being jailed, despite numerous warnings and ubiquitous signs). My guess is that because of the outrage, Metro decided not to push the issues. As a result, we have dirty trains and obnoxious little shits.

Okay, you say. So the kids are creeps. So what? Be more tolerant, you prick.

Here’s the thing, though. If this took place on a Metro bus, the driver would be well within his rights to kick the offending person - be they adult or little shit - right off the bus. They don’t tolerate bad behavior there, do they? I’d think not. And if this took place on an actual school bus, you can bet your ass the driver would yell at the offending little shit - and report him to the principal, who would then punish said little shit.

So why can’t we punish these particular little shits?

Keeping kids off the trains would make the trains

[ul]
[li]quieter[/li][li]more comfortable[/li][li]and cleaner[/li][/ul]

It would even make them safer, to a degree - some of these little shits ain’t so little once they hit puberty, if ya know what I mean.

And keeping them off the trains would even make it easier for adults to get on the trains. I’m tired of seeing these assholes run out of the train and then run back in another door, preventing five or six people from getting in before doors close. The little shits swarm over the platform as one waits for the next train, pushing each other, making it tough for people to even walk by to get to the other end. It’s a wonder little shits don’t wind up on the tracks.

There are, of course, some very compelling arguments to NOT ban the little shits from the trains, not the least of which is one of practicality - how are the little shits going to get to school?

I bet most of them could walk. Uphill, both ways. No, seriously. Don’t give me that look! If the school’s close enough, why not? Hell, aren’t more kids obese now than ever? Make the little shits walk a little - what’s a few blocks, if that’s what it is?

For those for whom walking is a problem (either it’s too far or they’re incapacitated in some way), maybe busing would be okay. I would assume this number would be light, though.

My “demand” is not a practical one. I really just wanted to rant about how rotten these kids are. And as I stated, it’s NOT one kid or even one group of kids. It’s a whole friggin colony of the little shits. They’re like spores, or something; every time I turn around, there’s 15 more.

(Hell, maybe Metro could offer a new farecard for kids only, and these cards would be distributed only by the schools or Metro itself to deserving kids.)

Yesterday’s trip home was pretty bad. I spent much of the time with some fat little shit sitting next to me, crowding me, apologizing once and then continuing to take up 87% of my seat while talking to 12 of his nearest and dearest friends all over the train car. Oh, and he passed gas at least once. Oh, and pushed and shoved at least a few people while sitting there (they were walking down the aisle).

2

My heart just bleeds for you, you dick.

Sounds like you need to grow up more than the kids.

Hey, why don’t ya just stuff em in pillowcases & throw em in the Potomic?

Or, simpler still, why don’t you just get stuffed!

<pinkfloyd>HEY! ASSHOLE! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE! All in all, your just another brick in the Wall.</pinkfloyd> :wally

3

“You have to climb Mount Turd to reach the Valley of the Little Shits.” —Jacquelyn Susann

4

Because why?

Sheesh, all I want is for them them behave like human beings. You wanna push them into the river, you go right ahead.

Maybe you should read the post before acting like a dipshit, Bosda.

5

I’m with dantheman, although I think that the ratio of norman kids to little shits I encounter is better. Still, there is no way to remove the little shits (and other, older obnoxious morons) whose presence can make the train/bus trip seem like eternity in Mufreesboro, TN (minus internet access).

6

Internet access??!?

Oh, wait. I bet you’re talking about a commuter-rail train, right? In the Northeast Corridor, Amtrak’s Acela (and maybe a few others) have net access. But not the Metro trains that millions of us use every day…

7

You know, I hate it when people talk about kicking kids off of something just because some of them act up. See, I was always the quiet kid sitting in a seat reading her Animorphs/Baby Sitter’s Club/medical reference/whatever books, pretty much ignoring the world until I had to get off. Sometimes, other people would act up–the other kids–and then we’d all lose privileges.

That made me SO mad! What had I done? I was just reading, alone in my seat. But now, we’re kicked off, or we have assigned seats and I have to share MY seat with some dickwad who’s just going to whisper snide comments at me and distract me from reading.

Why don’t the Metro people just enforce the rules? That way, kids who don’t break the rules can be allowed to ride, while those who do are punished. Or maybe they could allot one car of the train to kids at peak school times?

Kicking them ALL off, though, is just shitty.

8

While this sounds like a great idea, it’s most likely impractical. An uzi on the platform would create a big mess, but it would feel oh so good.

A couple of years ago, I was on a very crowded train. Normally polite adults were pushing and shoving. But half of the train was filled with obnoxious little shits, around the age of 15. Very loud. Very pushy.

It seems that these girls had never had coffee before, but that day was the day they decided to try it. Dunkin Donuts mega slurps. Without covers.

Every time the train lurched, one girl got pretty upset that she spilled some coffee, because there was that much less that she could drink. She seemed unconcerned about the four people she’d just spilled on.

When some riders gave her a dirty look, the little shit’s friend came to their rescue. Little shit #2 dressed her down in public (loudly, of course), waving her arms in frenetic gesticulations. Unconcerned, apparently, that she too was holding an uncovered coffee cup.

Bosda, and anyone else who says “Fuck you for hating these beautiful creatures, remember that the children are our feeeewwwcheeerrr”, I’ll describe the looks on the faces of the decent train riders. It was clear that the only good future was the painful disembowlment of those obnoxious little shits.

9

We’ve got the same problem here in New York, only with us it’s the Jews and Negroes. Sometimes you can barely step onto a train, what with all the break-dancing, watermelon-eating, waving-the-hands-around-while-speaking, and usury. And don’t even get me started on the fuckin’ Irish.

Why can’t they act like human beings? Eat more mayonnaise and shit like that.

10

There are definitely some kids who are being perfect little angels, and sadly they’re lost in the confusion and chaos. I don’t mean to punish them at all. If there was some way for kids to earn their way onto the train by way of good behavior, then you’d see these kids and not the little shits. As I said, that’s probably a tad impractical, but sounds nice.

I’m not sure why Metro’s stopped enforcing things, but it might be a manpower issue, unfortunately. The best way to police it might be to have an officer on at least every other car, but officers don’t grow on trees.

Allotting one car to the kids might not be feasible, either - at the rush hours, most of the train cars are packed; shuttling all of the kids to one car could run into logistic problems - and what happens if they don’t get on the right car? I wouldn’t mind seeing it, but it’s not likely to happen…

11

Um… Huh?

There is a world of difference between race and extraordinarily obnoxious behavior.

Your post wins the award for non-sequitor of the month.

And 2 extra points for Godwinizing so early on.

Ass-bomb.

12

If these are kids from Woodrow Wilson High, that wouldn’t be possible. Students from all over the city go to Wilson, as part of a “racial balance” plan inaugurated in 1966.

13

Don’t worry, tdn, Ike’s just funnin’ us. :slight_smile:

14

I know of what dantheman speaks. I used to live on a subway line that went right by a school. When I would leave work early on Friday the train would fill with hundreds of these hell-spawn. Sure, some of them were polite, but many of them were incredibly loud - not yelling occasionally, loud all the time. They would hold entire conversations yelling at the top of their lungs, including really disgusting obscenities. They would run up and down crowded train cars, jump on seats, and behave like monkeys. There were at least thirty little assfaces in each car. These were not isolated incidents. Eventually, I began sitting around on Fridays playing Tetris four an hour and a half because putting up with rush-hour trains was preferable. At least the smelly guy I was squished up against kept his fucking mouth shut.

15

Absolutely. And they are a pleasure to ride with. I wouldn’t kick them off for the world.

Not to say that all kids are rude pricks, and not to say that all rude pricks are kids, but…

Kids that are rude pricks and ride on trains are the absolute worst. They need to be shot, drawn and quartered, and the pieces burned. They need to die now.

And this coming from a bleeding heart liberal!

16

If the rules of your rail system are not enforced by the employees, then the rules will be broken. By adults & kids alike.
I’m sure you can find plenty of people of all ages who break these rules.

So quit dumping on the kids! Their childhoods will end all too soon, so let them live em.

I swear, there seems to be a cult in America that says: “if we can’t be happy, the children should be miserable too!”

Talking becomes “talking too loud”; fun becomes “troublemaking”; perfectly good music becomes “damn noise”; video games become “corruptors of our youth”.

dantheman, D_Odds— you are both going to wind up crazy old men standing out on your front porches & screaming “You rotten kids all oughtta be in JAAAAIILLL!!” every time some 5 year old totters by on his tricycle.

Get fucked.

17

oomKay. Withdrawn.

18

Good point, genius.

MY point was that saying “All young people behave badly! Throw 'em all off the subway!” is not a whole helluva lot different than saying “All {ethnic group} do {behavior}! Throw 'em all off the subway!”

Anything else you need explained, I’m here for you.

19

OooomKay; withdrawn, too.

20

I’ve seen this kind of thing once or twice, although I usually ride Metro during the more traditional rush hour commute times, when students are not likely to be riding in great numbers.

But I’m the kind of pushy jerk that feels eaters and drinkers are an affront to everyone. So if I see someone eating or drinking on the train, I’ll approach and say, “I’m sorry - but there’s no eating or drinking in the system. Please put it away.”

I do it in a no-nonsense tone, as though it’s my job… which, in a sense, it is. I don’t believe that we can, as a society, wait for “them” to enforce the rules. There aren’t enough of “them.” There are more than enough of “us,” however.

(Admittedly, this philosophy doesn’t extend to stopping armed robberies or major riots - in cases more serious than coffee and burgers, calling the cops is the right thing to do).

Once per year, law enforcement officers from all over the country descend on DC for the ceremony in which fallen officers’ names are added to the national law enforcment memorial here in DC. Last time this happened, the Metro system was filled wiht police in dress uniforms and white gloves, obviously part of the ceremonies. You want to know how solid I am on doing this? A Missouri officer was on the platform drinking a cup of coffee, in full dress uniform. I suspect he simplt didn’t know about the rules.

Did I? You bet. But politely.

And he sheepishly tossed the coffee in the trash.

Every little bit helps.

  • Rick