Yep but what if you pitted your MiL and then sent the link to your wife and she forwarded it to your MiL. Different situation, yes?
Again
She didn’t intentionally get this pastor to join as she didn’t actually communicate with him.
Yeah, except this isn’t some esoteric crapnugget to be sampled and savored by quasi-intellectuals, you little punk.
This is a human being with real human problems. Wake up. You’re one of them.
That’s a good idea; sometimes the Pit is just for venting. If that’s all it’s for, though, my estimation of this whole damn message board just went down a few thousand points.
You make a very good point; this board isn’t for the airing of personal disputes that are better handled in person. But I didn’t see any indication that this was what was going on in this case. It would be more like you forwarded the pit thread to your wife, she showed it to your mother-in-law, MiL decided to go online, read the thread, chose to get a guest account, chose to engage in debates with posters in the thread, and then you got not only banned, but banned and scolded for being such an ungrateful son-in-law.
The most an Admin/Mod should have done was close the thread and tell them to take personal stuff to e-mail.
A mistake was made but I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for it to be acknowledged.
I’m one of whom? The little punks? Nothing but insults from you. Shut the fuck up and join the discussion. Or let me tea-bag you. Fucking douchebag.
Sol, another good point. That’s why I would never send the thread to anyone I know in an e-mail instead of telling them in person. Like my turkey rant, I did it here anonymously rather than say it to anyone I know personally. Anything I rant about in the Pit is there precisely because I don’t want to say it to my loved ones.
That’s my view as well (says the Armchair Quarterback), but then I ain’t in charge.
Maybe a short break will do her good. Of course, often a short break would do us all some good.
(Hoping it all works out for Vanilla in the end, one way or another.)
Problems, dear. You’re one of the problems.
And apparently, you’re also illiterate.
Therefore, I regret my harshness.
Care to explain this?
I have seen the membername vanilla now and then but I don’t recall that I ever interacted with that member. I have no idea about the thread/situation that is the subject of the OP either.
Likewise for the other names you mention here: I don’t recall I have ever interacted with one of them.
So where do you come from to make it as if I have anything to do with all of this?
Salaam. A
Ah, I’m one of the problems of that thread, thanks for correcting me. I appreciate it.
Damn, and I do not use that word lightly. Damn.
I can see why vanilla did it. If I thought I’d been unfairly treated by someone and it was keeping me from doing something as important to me as going to my church, I would want to send someone saying “I think you’re being completely unreasonable and mean and here are a bunch of people who agree with me!” It can’t be easy being a liberal in a Fundamentalist church, and I suspect there are times she feels attacked from all sides.
Sending the e-mail to the woman who refused her a lift to church was a foolish and short-sighted move, but we’ve all done foolish things, and it’s not always easy to foresee the consequences of our actions. As an outsider, I can see how the woman who didn’t give her a lift could easily have been outraged by what vanilla did and by the number of people here, including me, who, in effect, called her un-Christian. minor7flat5 made a good point in that thread when he or she said
I’m sorry this happened.
CJ
Howling with the wolves :
I too think that though maybe ** Vanilla ** 's choice to send a link to this thread could have been innapropriate (actually probably simply not well thought), ** Tuba Diva ** reaction was completely over the top. Reading the final post, one would think ** Vanilla ** displayed the most jerkish behavior ever noticed on this board.
I don’t believe she intended to “ambush” anybody. Rather showing her elder that she wasn’t a crazy loonie for disagreeing with his wife’s attitude, probably (“Look! I’m not the only one thinking your wife’s comments were innapropriate. These people over there think the same”). It’s even conceivable she thought she had some moral duty to let him know she had discussed the issue with strangers. And even if she acted out of spite, with the actual intent of having the elder posting here and be stomped on by everybody, it wouldn’t be a jerkish enough behavior to deserve a possibly permanent banning, especially since, AFAIK, it was a one-time mistake.
It seems to me like ** Tuba Diva ** had a very bad day and interpreted ** Vanilla ** actions in the worst possible way.
Finally, what was seriously wrong in this situation, exactly? The elder and pastor got to know that they had been criticized in front of strangers. Hey! I would like to know if someone was badmouthing me on a message board. They got a chance to know what other people thought, they got a chance to give their side of the story and to defend their point of view, had they chosen to. Were they somehow wronged? I don’t think so. Were we (or at least the dopers who posted in this thread?) wronged? I don’t thing so, either. Was the SDMB wronged? I can’t see how, and if it is the case, I would like it to be explained.
If the administrators are worried that this could become commonplace, and that the board could become a battlefield to settle personnal real life disputes, I could understand them stating so, though I doubt it could happen. Most posters vent here precisely because they know whatever they’re venting about won’t be read by the other persons involved. But resorting to an immediate ban looks like an over reaction to me.
Which thread? Earlier I was willing to give you “illiterate”, but now you just sound stupid.
What’s your damage, Drinkie?
What exactly did duffer do to justify this obnoxious behavior on your part? Is there some personal history between the two of you that would explain such rudeness in a thread that is about neither of you?
Treating vanilla like a subject of debate, not a human being. She deserves much more respect.
This is the SDMB – we treat our own mothers, spouses, best friends, and just about everything under the sun as subjects of debate.
CJ
So offense, El Cid, but your beef with **duffer ** sounds way too personal for what went on in this thread.
I agree with Tuba’s actions, but I really hope vanilla will be back after a time. Amongst other things, this will presumably require her to realise that she made an error of judgment.
I’m pretty confident she’ll see her way clear to do that. And that’s why I’m keen to see her back. She has her ups and downs as a poster, but since I’ve been a member the trend has been up. She’s confronted a lot of things on these boards and I admire her for sticking at it.
Most of the posters in this thread are debating whether the banning was justified. How can you determine among them only duffer is objectifying vanilla, especially in light of his response to SolGrundy?
Make that NO offense, if you please.