The worst thing about holiday shopping is not the crowds in the stores but the idiots in the parking areas.
A Parking lot or garage is not a superspeedway!!..slow the fuck down and be careful coming around those blind turns.
If there is angled parking that should be your first clue there is one way to go down this parking lane. CLue #2 should be the big areas painted on the paverment!
If you are walking through a pariking area, you don’t have to run, but you really should…STAY OUT OF THE MIDDLE of the driving areas!
It is the holiday season, and you are well aware that there is going to be someone hawking your spot, feel free to take a reasonable amount of time…put your packages away, get your toddler securely belted in and yourself comfortable…but I think a courtesy is that you don’t really spend more time than you need. Maybe not so much a rant as a suggestion.
Just a suggestion, but if you really have to park diagonally across three spaces to save the paint job on your Honda Civic, please do it at the faaaaar end of the lot, not at the end nearest the store.
And parking at the yellow curb in front of the store while you run in “just for a minute” (45 of them) is more than just frowned upon. I think it’s illegal. Find a spot and walk, asswipe.
Oh, and while we’re at it, you’re supposed to park between the pretty painted lines. Try to center your vehicle right between them. Not on them.
‘ware the tiny Corolla that only takes up 60% of the width of even a small parking spot. This coincedence is NOT license for you to put yer feckin’ Yukon diagonally into one spot and well into mine double parking me with your rear end:
…_
…/
…||
…
…\ _\
I WILL tear off your quarter panel upon my departure. It may take a few tries and involve some of your suspension–exposed like the genetalia you’re making up for–but I’ll get the job done!
The corollary to this: 1) If you are waiting for someone to pull out of their spot, it is a nice courtesy to allow them enough room to back out of the space. If you are blocking their egress it is entirely possible that there will be a delay before you can take the space, depending on how long it takes before this concept dawns on you. 2) It is OK to pull up near a person getting into their car so that you have first crack at the space when they leave. It is not OK to stop in the middle of the lane so that no one can get around you. 3) It is also not OK to stalk people carrying packages the instant they enter the lot, by following a couple of feet behind them, a glazed and demented look of incipient possession on your face. When this happens, the stalkee might just decide to lead you on for a bit and then make a sudden turn between parked cars into the next lane where they are parked, leaving you helpless until the next stalkee enters the lot.
I do believe you’ve helped me find my calling-Fire Lane Santa.
Fire Lane Santa: Ho, ho, ho. You know, this is a fire lane-you’re going to have to move.
Asshat: I’ll only be a minute-I’m waiting for someone.
FLS: Ho, ho. I’ve been watching, and you haven’t moved in 15 minutes.
Asshat: Hey Santa, don’t you have something else to do?
FLS: Ho, ho. You’re right. I have to ring this heavy bell, it has a sharp edge that could really beat the daylights out of your car if you were parked too close to me. Ding, ding, DING, DING
Asshat: You bastard!
FLS: Ho, ho-I warned you. You know I keep track of who’s naughty, and who’s nice, and nice people park where they should, out in the lot.
Asshat: I’m gonna kick yer ass, Santa!
Mommy! Why is Santa Claus stuffing that man into the truck of a car? :eek:
I’ll turn around and go back to the store. AFTER lingering near a strange car as if it were mine, if they follow too close and are too impatient and oblivious. I don’t mind at ALL people using this technique to find a spot. It’s common practice at the University where I work, in fact “stalkees” will point the car in the general direction of their car to help.
But the lingering 2 feet off of a walker’s heels thing. You’re just asking to get messed with.
Likewise, don’t go all postal if the walker is merely putting packages in his car before returning for more shopping.
Lastly, what in the BLUE BLAZES are you silly dopers doing shopping on the busiest shopping day of the year?
That was my thought. I went to the grocery store and the library today. Even had I been considering shopping (which I’ll start on Sunday), the traffic on the streets would have been enough to persuade me not to.
“No Stopping” does not mean, “No Stopping, Unless You Turn Your Trouble Lights On, In Which Case It’s Totally Cool To Park Here For An Hour.”
Fucking moron. Last night I was out for dinner and saw two near-accidents involving buses, as well as a pedestrian nearly getting smoked, all because of this fuckwit whose “emergency” was apparently that he wanted to hang out at his buddy’s apartment and didn’t want to park around the corner. You’re not allowed to park there because it’s an extremely high-traffic area and a large object in just that spot dangerously impairs visibility. Adding flashing fucking lights to the mix doesn’t help things much, asshole. “Hey, what’s up with that Durang…” BRAKE!
People like this should have their vehicles pushed sideways to the impound lot with a bulldozer.
You wanted the monster sized SUV. You bought it, you paid for it with your own money. You know exactly how big it is, and presumably that is one of the reasons you chose that particular car, 'cause it is big.
That’s right. BIG.
And there are plenty of parking spaces where your car will slide right in. The three that you took up that are all labeled “Compact” were not among them. You bought a big car, go park in the big car parking.
How about the genius who follows as you walk in the lot, and actually asks how much farther away you’re parked, so he can run ahead and get there before anyone else sees you?
The gene pool needs more clorine!
Kroger here in TX has “Maternity Parking” spaces. The spots even have pink signposts with a baby-laden stork on them.
Unfortunately, these spots are right where you expect the handicapped spaces to be. (I think some of them were HC spaces.) This causes no end of annoyance and confusion when the HC spaces are taken. After all, some people need the actual HC spaces, not some made-up restricted space. My dad, who has an HC tag, won’t park in the spaces but he grumbles about them.
Can I park there? Will anyone challenge my state of impending mommydom? (or lack thereof) Only the Shadow knows. But I’m about to find out!
Just because the lot is full doesn’t mean any open handicap spots are somehow available to you, you bastard. Some of us need them. I won’t argue with you parking there even if you ARE fine and are using your grandma’s tag, but for Og’s sake have a damn tag.
Otherwise…well, I haven’t keyed a car. Yet. But it’s tempting!
It is not cool to hold up an entire line of cars for ten minutes while you wait for someone to pull out of a spot. If I am behind you when you do that, I’m going to lean on my horn and scream obscentities at you until you move. People have lives to leave. Fuck you move on, you’ll have to wait for a different spot.
Also, turning on your blinker does not give you legal ownership of the spot that you want. If I am coming the other way and I have the better angle, I’m going to shark that space right out from under you. I love doing that. It’s one of life’s small joys.
Oh…and put the goddamn carts back in the goddamn corrals, you fucking animals. Are your legs fucking broken?
Whiterabbit: I didn’t mean I was going to steal the handicapped space. I meant I was tempted to grab the Maternity spot, which I see as totally arbitrary and therefore open to my vehicle.
As for keying a car: I prefer to block the offender in with loose shopping carts, which are always is such abundant supply as so many morons think the handicapped spaces are actually cart corrals. :mad: :wally
Yeah, I kinda lost sympathy for Diogenes when he mentioned Park-sharking (band name! )
Gangster Octopus, you could be describing my school’s parking garage(s). Exact same stuff goes on- people tearassing around at 35 mph around blind turns, stopping where they shouldn’t, and ASSHOLES WHO DRIVE GRAY JETTAS THAT PARK CROOKEDLY IN THE SAME DAMN SPOT EVERY FREAKIN’ DAY ROBBING EVERYONE ELSE OF THE ADJACENT SPOT, RENDERED UN-FUCKING NAVIGABLE. :mad:
I really hate the people who ‘camp’ for parking spots. They’ll just park their car somewhere arbitrary (i.e. not legal to stop) waiting for someone to leave. Some of them are even sleeping in their car! :eek:
Ah, if there only were big parking spots in some lots. I don’t drive an SUV, but I do drive either a half ton or a one-ton dually truck. You try parking that bad boy in most of the lots nowadays. I’m usually in the smaller truck, and I can get it in most spots, but the big truck is sometimes impossible. But I see small cars parked all over the line every bit as often as the bigger vehicles, and getting out when they’ve blocked you in is a real treat.
Fortunately, we’re perfectly capable of walking from the far end of the lot, and will do so to avoid the hassle.
On point 1, rent the movie, “Fried Green Tomatoes”. At the end Kathie Bates is circulating in a lot and stops to wait for a car backing out of a space toward her. Then a VW Beetle pulls into the space from the other direction. She tells the young girl driver that she was waiting for the space. In true Diogenic the Sinnick fashion, the young driver says to Kathy, “I’m younger and faster!”, and walks toward the store. Kathy then proceeds to ram her big car into the VW several times, inflicting beaucoup damage. The other driver sees it and says something like, “What are you doing?” Kathy says, “I’m older and have more insurance!” Right on.
On point 2, I agree, but I also suggest that when you go from the car to the store, you take in at least one of the carts, especially one(s) that are in parking spaces or driving lanes.
)