As happens every year around this time, the ants showed up my the kitchen this evening. I did the standard drill where I try and trace their path, break out the ant spray, and give a good dousing around their entry point. I try and kill as many as possible (as well as simply wound a couple of them, just so they can spray their little “Hey guys! This place is bad!” chemical messages around.
One of the other key things is to track where the ants are going, find that food source, and get it out of their reach. This time, however, I got a wonderful surprise when I realized where the little bastards were congregating: the crumb tray of the toaster oven.
I generally make it a point to try and respect all living things, and never go out of my way to make any creature suffer needlessly. But sorry, this was way too good to pass up. Burn, ya little bastards.
What kind are they? In New England we’d get the average-sized black ones, but around here I usually only see the tiny red 'uns. Those are even more annoying to my mind, because they’re not as easily spottable. They do vacuum up a bit more easily, though.
Speaking of vengeance, do you have a good revenge story for your coworker who immortalized sheep for you? Did you ever get him back really good and I’ve just missed the story thread all these years?
Two weekends ago, I drew the card to flush and flow test the fire hydrants in my district for the department work day.
I rolled up to one, pulled off one of the small side caps, and was greeted by a ball of fire ants on the inside. I dropped the cap in horror, 'cuz the sting from those little bastards hurt.
I stood there, trying to figure out what to do. Then, it struck me. I turned on the water, and shot the entire colony 50 feet to the right and cleaned out the hydrant in the process.
I can only think of one other way to deal with them that would have been more satisfying, but my department does not issue flame throwers to firemen.
The best solution I’ve found is also the cheapest. It’s called Terro, and I think it’s just boric acid in a sweet solution that they like. But, I mean, they REALLY like it! Not only do they come for it, but once they find it they devote all their forces to collecting it and bringing it back to the hill. They walk over their dead comrades to get more. They drown in it. It’s really unbelievable.
I admit that at first I took great joy in watching them race to eat their fill of doom. But as the colony began to die off, and they ran out of forces, I saw a line of young ants, with their carapaces still white and soft being led (in what could only be a last-ditch attempt to collect food) by a single adult ant. . . yeah, I felt like Goehring. (Don’t blame me, R0Osh started it!)
Yep…the only reason I went back to my “standard drill” was because it was late, and I wasn’t running out to buy traps. But after trying all the different products, last year I discovered the Terro outdoor baits. Once those went in, we didn’t see another ant for all of last season. I’ll be heading to the store on my lunch break today.
I’m resisting the temptation to make a “final solution” crack.
