VERY Important News Flash

I like cheese.

in other news, i have dreams about marrying britney spears.

I’m doing my social psychology homework.

Fortunately, it does not involve 15 essays.

…and several butchers’ aprons.

In news for parrots: No parrots were harmed when…

I’m not wearing any underwear.

Film at 11.

… and from the weather desk - it rained here last night…

Recapping the news:

BadNewsBaboon claims Cheese Adoration;Dwo Jones up 267 points…

Millions morn teen Idol Marriage:
Amati marries Britney Spears…

iampunha caught in home work scam; found paying a memeber of the straight dope community…
Fortunately, it did not involve 15 essays, so the sentence will be light…

screech-owl implicated in the disappearance of several butchers’ aprons, however, No parrots were harmed.

the Underware crisis continues: 367 days…
Chrome Spot still not wearing any underwear…

FairyChatMom did not have to water the yard, it rained there last night…

chocolate milk or strawberry?
Difficult decisions for the badnewsbaboon…

In today’s Money and sense dept:

badnewsbaboon decides to save up for a dictionary.
Apparently it is needed…!

In Sports,

People ran and played with balls.

Back to you, Baboon.

In Consumer News, Lord & Taylor’s just got my favorite flat walking shoes in, in new colors! I bought a pair in burgundy and a pair in slate gray.

Back to you, Baboon!

And, on the lighter side, the sun came up today.

Later, our in-depth report on a disturbing new trend in the suburbs: Whale watching – do you know what your kids are up to now?

tomorrow on Good Morning Straight Dope,

Jarbaby talks about her haircut…good, bad, and what celebrity does she most resemble.

back to you, Chuck

This just in, I’ve replaced Chuck and will be making twice his salary because I have wavy hair.

In local news, not much was happening so we drove around until our news van hit a pedestrian.

We now go to Suzie Wilkins live at the scene.

In economic news, on a test last evening I inverted the ratio used to calculate Price Elasticity of Demand, thus completely screwing that question.

We interrupt obfusciatrist’s report for this news:
It’s raining in Brevard County.

[sub](Local news interrupted the PGA tour with this bit of news. No hurricane, no thunderstorm, just that it was raining in Brevard County.)[/sub]

Back to you, whoever you are.

I’d step over my dying mother to get to Drew Barrymore.

This is Jester Jones, reporting live at the scene of…hey, wait a second…

Where the Hell are we? There was supposed to be a fire. Hey! Driver! Turn the Hell around!


Why, yes, sir, here’s the money. Please, don’t kill me!

<ahem> This is Jester Jones, reporting live from the scene of an armed robbery in progress right now!

Help me. Back to you, Bob.

This just in (sorry to interrupt you, Bob)

FairyChatMom amazes one and all with her multi-tasking abilities! She researches, she downloads, she reads, she posts. Sorry, boys, she’s married.

OK, now back to you, Bob.

This just in, SDMB poster Amp has nothing relevant to add. He just wants to pad his post count. Back to you.

In related news, Alice-in-Wonderland does the same.