And in travel news: DTW airport (Detroit Metro) is expected to continue sucking and being the worst airport in the nation for at least the forseeable future. I’ll have a live update for you later in the evening, if I’m not a ball of thunderous rage over the fact that that airport sucks ass.
Back to you, Bob.
…and continuing coverage of my attempts to purchase several pairs of Converse Chuck Taylor All-Star canvas top sneakers, size 13, made in the USA, at a REASONABLE price.
So far, no new developments.
Back to you in the studio.
We interrupt this broadcast for this important bulletin - Bob appears to be missing. Legions of reporters don’t know who to go back to. Police are puzzled. Details as they become available. We now resume our regularly scheduled programming.
And Now for Something Completely Different…
Hi Opal
“…let’s go live to the crime scene, as viewed from Channel Two’s Jet Ranger One. Chuck?”
“Thank you, Dan. We are circling the house 950 feet above the crime scene. As you can see, there are lots of police cars outside the house. Most of the police are inside the house, because that’s where the crime took place. We don’t have any footage of the house’s interior, nor do we have any interviews on the ground with any of the police officers. We just like to circle above breaking news stories and broadcast aeriel views in order to show off how cool our choppers are. Dan?”
“Thank you, Chuck. And now for coverage of the latest developments of the resolutions passed by City Hall, let’s to Amanda, currently flying in Jet Ranger Two.”
“Thank, you Dan. This is a live aerial shot of City Hall, where resolutions were passed this afternoon regarding the fees assessed by county garbage collectors. Unforutately, because the station’s budget has been squeezed by the rising cost of helicopter fuel, we do not have the funding for extra reporters to conduct interviews with city officials on the ground. So we will simply circle City Hall from the air and make profound statements about their resolutions, while the viewers hopefully will get sucked in by the “golly gee whiz” factor of seeing the city from the air for no apparent newsworthy reason.”
“Thank you Amanda. And now for sports, let’s go to a live aerial shot of…”
“…more rain in Brevard County that has not cancelled this afternoon’s high school matchup. More on the game when we can actually see what’s happening on the field, perhaps when the rain clears up. Back to our main desk.”
Now for your local weather…
It’s hot. Really hot.
It’s hotter than a whore on nickle night.
Now that’s hot.
Back to you…
The Hudson’s Bay Land Development Corporation today announced that the search for its Board of Directors that mysteriously disappeared on Monday was being called off. In related news, new interim CEO eunoia announced the immediate cancellation of the “Sleep Where Chthulu Sleeps” promotional campaign, and the launch of the “Go Global Warming, Go!” strategy. Back to you, Bob.
This just released,
I have stitches in my navel and a few metal clips inside my abdomen. Hospital sources claim this may render me sterile.
Back to you, Bob.
a public sevice announcement!
when you leave bread on the top of the refridgerator for three years it turns grey and tastes bad! so put it in the car of someone you don’t like!
[sub] this public service announcement was brought to you by:
FuzzyBread: it’s rich with iron!
The SDMB News Team.
Outstanding in their field!
well… out standing in SOMEBODY’S field
Scientists at the Bunsen and Beaker Laboratories have just announced their newest findings. The Duck and Cover method doesn’t seem to work. The test subject Beaker was never found so the test study has been ruled inconclusive by the heads of the Pentagon. The Pentagon had this to say. “We will continue to use the Duck and Cover method until someone finds the test subject and proves he’s still not just covered.”
And on the “Lighter Side” - my left shoelace is untied.
Back to you, Bob.
This Just In!
Scientists from Harris Hospital have discovered, via a $40 million reasearch grant, that drinking Arsnic will kill you dead. Dead!
…
and now, in our “people about town” section, Dr Mort Titan from Harris Hospital recently purchased this lovely designer showcase $40 million dollar home!
and now,
Here’s Peggy with our sob story of the night:
Moscow in flames,
Missles headed toward New York.
Film at 11.
And in SDMB gossip…
I’m still Stinky Paws’ little ferret, but now I’m his well behaved, mild mannered ferret. 
Updates to sig line coming soon
This just in!
Alternator replaced. Now all radio stations must be reset.
… and here in the Big Apple, millions (ok, one, me) heaved a sigh of relief today when it was confirmed that I made it through another day without beating the crap out of anyone on the subway, even though the concept of “personal space” appears to be a foreign one to most of my fellow passengers.
In other news, scientists discover that sitting around in one’s underwear while surfing and watching TV is so a good way to spend an evening.
Stay tuned for updates on what I plan to have for dinner.
This just in, a wall to wall search of my apartment has been launched in search for the body of Mr. Left Flip-Flop. Mrs. Right Flip-Flop was found buried under an avalanche of dirty clothes eariler this evening. Rescue workers pulled her free but many minutes of diligent searching failed to discover her partner of three years. We will bring you live updates as they become available.
In the stocks today Razors Inc. was cutting its way up through the market. Leaving the competition’s investors seeing red. While Toilets limited took a terrible plunge. The makers of Sunfish Crackers saw their stocks crumble, only to have their assets swept up by Cleaning Maids Service for almost nothing.