Our house was partially destroyed in 2004 and we had to live in a Residents Inn for 3 months while it was being fixed. Circumstances dictated that got almost no exercise during that time. A few days after we got back, it was hard labor time to fill in the rest of the work and take down a barn. I felt something odd happening and went to the bathroom. That dump was well above the water line which others have described. That was cool but it didn’t prepare me for what was to come. Every couple of hours, there was a similar one. The total ended up being six that day with three being above the water line. I can’t explain it except for the obvious joke.
The other was one that I experienced as a teenager that I named the cannonball. I was doing fine in the dump when I hit a trouble spot. I strained and strained. Suddenly, the fuse lit and this turd hit the water so hard that it created a tidal wave that hit my entire bottom, my clothes, and the floor. The sheer energy of that thing was amazing. I will always remember that one.
I have no dog in this fight (sorry) but am struck by the number of current threads in this forum that by title alone seem related to this one, and which would make for an interesting sequential threads display.
I worked as a camp counselor back in the day. Kids weren’t allowed to go into the cabins during activities. Apparently this one little fat kid by the name of “Adrian” (it’s seared into my memory) had to go to the bathroom. Rather than break the rule about going into cabins he ran behind one.
Seeing the kid run behind a cabin I walked over to see what was going on. That kid had pinched out a meatloaf the size of my arm! It was just truly unbeleivabley large both in length and girth. As thick as my arm, no kidding (and I have guns.)
Never in my life had I ever even heard of anything like that.
That said, I have noticed something interesting. I have two daughters, one 4 and one 9. Sometimes they forget to flush. Their poops are huge compared to mine. In fact, poop diameter seems to peek at about 2-3 years of age and drop steadily.
Most of my poops do not come out intact, diameter-wise. They get extruded at a fixed diameter. Anything wider seems to get cut off and deposited during the finale, so to speak.
So, all my poops these days are at an unimpressive but perfectly uniform diameter.
I guess things just don’t stretch like they used to.
Most of the toilets in China don’t have much standing water in them, so you really get to see the results of your work. Additionally, my diet of Chinese street food can lead to pretty wicked diarrhea.
One day I felt a little crampy and went for a poop. What came out resembled whipped cream and pretty much filled the toilet. I’m not too big of a girl and it’s hard to imagine all that substance in my body. Completely amazing.
On a slightly different note, I woke up one time in the middle of the night with the most intense pressure down below that I have ever felt in my entire life. I only had to walk about ten steps to the toilet, and I barely made it. I sat down and released a stream of pure liquid. It felt and sounded like I was peeing from my rectum. I was so shocked I eased up on the pressure and stopped for a second, unsure of what to do next. My body made that decision for me, and I proceeded to expel so much liquid that I can’t believe the toilet didn’t overflow. Then came the gas. Dear Og, the gas. Volume-wise, it had to be at least double the amount of liquid. I eventually managed to stagger back to bed, about ten pounds lighter, and get back to sleep, only to wake up an hour later and repeat the whole performance. I don’t know what was wrong with that prime rib I’d had for dinner.
I’m now in a research lab working on cholera. I’m not sure if there’s a connection there.
Did you have a Caesar salad with your prime rib, by any chance? For some reason, whenever we go out and I have a steak or prime rib with a Caesar salad, there’s rectal horror later in the evening.
This past April, I spent a week not having a lot of fun. I’d had constipation and bloating that culminated in sour stomach the night of a formal dinner that I couldn’t miss. My appetite was gone; I managed to eat maybe half of an otherwise excellent lamb dinner, followed by a few bites of the Hotel Hershey’s can’t-miss chocolate pie.
The following morning, I had what you’ve just described, plus I threw up. Throwing up red meat sucks on many, many levels. But once I expelled whatever it was that was making me sick, I was fine.
Back in university I went through a period where I was addicted to Bran Buds. I was insanely regular but for one reason or another I missed a few days. Around this time I was also eating REALLY healthy while still powerlifting which means I was eating INSANE amounts of healthy food.
One winter morning I woke up around 9 and could feel that my drought was about to end. This didn’t come out as a log, rather a large pile. The pile was a solid 3 inches above the water. When I was finished I looked down and was scared to flush because I couldn’t think of any conceivable way it’d flush. Somehow it did?
I was once punished when I was about 10 years old for shitting in the litter box. Only I never shit in the litter box. My cat framed me because my parent’s couldn’t believe that a twelve pound cat could possibly lay out that big of a shit.
I’ve told this one before (and oh how I wish I could write like some of you people can), but one night after dinner when I was about fourteen, my brother and I were doing the dishes when I felt the urge. I ran to the bathroom and created a masterpiece. I was dying to show it off, but who would ever come look? I looked down at our tiny new kitten and suddenly had an inspiration.
When I returned to the kitchen I told my brother that the litterbox in the bathroom needed cleaning and I didn’t feel like doing it, so I’d finish the dishes if he’d take care of it. A few moments later, the family heard him scream, and I knew he’d unearthed my prize.
I took a few moments to compose myself and by the time I got to the bathroom, Mom was just hollering at the poor boy to confess that he’d done it because otherwise she needed to get that cat to the vet. He was cracking up so I guess he wasn’t too upset.
I had a similar experience only I was at work and the liquid was filled with little pieces of poop about the size of BBs. It happened three times, filling up the bowl twice each time.
I’ve had a few bowl bursters in my time; close to 3" in diameter and around 20" long, and I regularly drop the man sized bricks anyway. But my contribution is not a particularly solid one. As mentioned I usually crap bigger than most small dogs, but at one point in my life I had some difficulty going at all. After about a week or so I couldn’t take it any more and started swallowing stool softeners. A couple days later I switched to Ex-Lax. Finally the dam burst and relief was soon to come.
The poops were about the consistancy of heavy pudding or sour cream (maybe just a little thicker than both but certainly not chunky) and displaced all of the water in the bowl by about 3 inches. My estimate was about 5 - 6 liters of crap (somewhere between 2 1/2 and 3 two liter bottles worth). I felt pretty good after that.
My smallest boy is prone to blockage. After an extended bout, he finally managed to clear a load that was frightening. A solid 7.5" x 2" monster. He was only 2 years old. Since his mother was at the store when he finally delivered this beast-turd, I documented it CSI-style: I stetched a tape measure beside the diaper and photographed it.
I was going to post the pic on my blog, but the wife forbade it in the interest of the common good (taste, that is). The Micro Geek was justifiably proud of his work and spent a couple days telling anyone who would listen about his “giant poop.”
This must be one of the shittiest threads on here.
I actually couldn’t finish reading this whole thread before I had to run to the bathroom to take a poop. Coincidentally, this shit wasn’t a light weight. I had this piercing pain at work so I ran to my car and drove to my house to use the clean toilet. I live a mile from work so I have to luxury of doing that. Anyway, I made it just in time. It started off nice, thick and steady. I survived the first assault and flushed the toilet. Immediately after the flush, it starts coming out again. Except this time it sounds like tiny firecrackers followed by a steady stream of liquid that manages to splash EVERYWHERE. Along with the liquid poo comes this horrible stench. First I notice it, then it makes me cough. I think i have the smell under control but the next burst of liquid poo made me gag. I immediately reached back and flushed the toilet for the second time. Finally, the ordeal was over. I wiped, came back to work and all is good with the world. For now…
That wasn’t the story I had intended on telling though. A few years ago, I went camping for the first time ever. It was during the Memorial Day long weekend. Anyway, I found it a little awkward and disgusting to use the campsite facilities for number twos. I managed to hold it in from the Thursday evening I got to Mammoth until Monday Evening when I got back. Holy shit! I was literally feeling sick from keeping it inside of me for that long. I can’t describe it too well but I’m fairly convinced I spent half an hour in the bathroom shitting.