Virtual Bonfire

Admit it you’re cold. Everybody is cold. I think what every one needs is a bonfire. And not just any bonfire, the biggest, baddest, hottest bonfire ever seen.

I’ve got 10 acres out of town with a huge burning pit already started. There are trees, brush, and old couch already in it. Oooops it looks like I may have put just a little too much gasoline on it, do you think a 55 gallon barrel is too much. Nah.

>Strikes a match…

::two redneck farmers standing in their pasture 10 miles down the road::

Bob: Holy jeezus Erl! Di’chu see that’n?

Erl: I reckon I did Bob. That thar was damn near the biggest ball o’ fire I ever done seen.

Bob: Shuuueey! I’d hate to be the one who lit that’n up.

If not for the fact that one suspects a sad ending, wouldn’t The Mermaid and the Bonfire make a great book title?

>eying suspiciously the cooks that are showing up with lemons and tartar sauce.


feels the heat from the next town over and sees the flash of light Whoa… wonder what happened? Did a bomb go off?

<feeling the heat and noticing the snow melt…>


Hey, you don’t mind if I bring a cooler filled with ice, do you? Maybe build a big’ol snow hill with all the stuff you cleared from the bon fire site and go skiing?

No? Great, thanks.

Sure bring the ice, you can be in charge of cold beverages.

This burning stuff of hot and thirsty work.

Throws huge stack of unpaid bills on the fire.
Yessssss, I feel better.

Throws a few bitter grudges and hurt feelings on just for good measure.

Yep, feeling better all the time.

Ahhh beverages… I hear that “Boone’s Farm” goes great with a bonfire out in the stix! All we need is a little guitar pickin’ and a couple of bales of hay!

Hi Everyone. Saw the glow in the night sky from back home in Pa. and I just couldn’t resist a good fire. I brought a piano and a bottle of Jaegermeister. No, I think we’ll burn the piano and drink the liquor. Taking a snort and passing the bottle OK, somebody help me with this piano.


>drags a catapult out of the barn

I think this might be just the thing we need to get that piano on there.

:sound of much grunting, grumbling, and whining:

Cool that looks good

Now uberdave–you get to cut the rope to launch it.

Hey let’s look around and see what else we can launch…

Hold on there a minute, I resemble that remark!!

Just because I live outside the city limits on a 10 acre farm and I have a barn and…

HEY WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING WITH MY OUTHOUSE? I’ll have you know it’s a 2 seater, hand made by my dear departed father-in-law.

Yes I’m sure it would burn good. No that doesn’t mean you can throw it on the fire. Now put that back I mean it.

Yeah it doesn’t make me a redneck,

Alright! Everybody step back, I’m gonna let this sucker go! Mermaid, you’re so at the top of my list. This catapult is the coolest thing. placing a small very sharp knife to the taunt rope

Mermaid -Last spring I burned down my outhouse. NO, it was on purpose.
Shaaashunngggggg Hmmmmm. pianos fly pretty good.

My neighbor “accidentally” left his trailer out with 27 of these big-ass rolls of hay, so I hitched it up and drove it out here. Screw the cows. Let 'em forage.

I say we launch the rolls from the catapult and see if we can’t land these things in the fire. Maybe toss the trailer on, too, after it’s unloaded.

What do you think would happen if we set the bales on fire then launched them? …

hi, I’m Saint Zero, Closet Pyromaniac.

drags old mobile home along

Any ideas? :smiley:

:beavis voice: burn it fire fire fire fire

>notices that a whole herd of cows are walking up the lane obviously following the trailer of hay

>eyes the cows

>eyes the catapult

>eyes the cows again

>evil grin spreading across face

Any ideas indeed!

Cool! I’ve seen cows fly before!!!

Wait… that was that night by the bonfire with the Boone’s Farm… Oh hell, let’s do it!

Say… I happen to have this 55gallon drum of BBQ sauce… You don’t think we could…

Yeah, why not!

::Robin shows up with a bunch of spuds and ears of corn wrapped in foil::