Visiting Dead Folks in the Bronx Tomorrow

Saturday’s going to be such a lovely day in New York City that I’ve decided to take the IRT all the way up to the Bronx and spend the day at the boneyard.

Yes, it’ll be my first excursion to beautiful Woodlawn Cemetery since the famous Straight Dope constitutional of Fall 2003, during which we visited many, many famous stiffs, including Irving Berlin, Duke Ellington, Fiorello LaGuardia, Herman Melville, Isador Straus, George M. Cohan, and George McManus, creator of “Bringing Up Father.” But, since Woodlawn is roughly half the size of Central Park, we missed quite a few, too. Here’s a list of luminaries I hope to unearth tomorrow:

Harry Carey – superstar Western actor of the silent era; also appeared in *Red River * and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Ricardo Cortez – film actor who played Sam Spade in the original *Maltese Falcon * (1931)
Diana Barrymore – John’s wayward “actress” daughter; first of a great line of drunken, doping “Barrymore Brats”
Vernon Castle – dancing instructor and WWI pilot; with wife Irene introduced the Turkey Trot to Parisians. Nifty naked statue on grave supposed to be based on Irene.
Coleman Hawkins – first great tenor saxophonist of jazz
Lionel Hampton – first great vibraphonist of jazz
Jackie McLean – hard-bop era jazz alto saxophonist
**Illinois Jacquet ** – another excellent tenorman
Ruth Snyder – murderess; one of the first women to die in the electric chair; inspiration for the great Expressionist play *Machinal * by Sophie Treadwell
Thomas Nast – father of American political cartooning; nemesis of Boss Tweed
Bud Fisher – cartoonist; creator of “Mutt and Jeff”
Frank Belknap Long – dark fantasy writer; author of “The Hounds of Tindalos;” buddy of H.P. Lovecraft
Clarence Day – author of Life with Father
John William Sterling – gave pots of money to Yale University, much of which went into the Sterling Memorial Library where I spent loads of pleasurable time during my college days

Anybody want me to lay a posy on someone, in their name? Or take a leak on the plot?

Well, hell. If you’d mentioned it, we could have brought the dopefest over. Bit late now, innit?

Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney - Founder of the Whitney Museum of American Art.
Joseph Pulitzer - Posthumous founder of the Pulitzer Prize.

Yes, but which one gets the posey and which one the pissy?

Ike, I’m almost certain we visited Vernon Castle’s grave. It was one of the ones Eve most wanted to see.

When you’re right, Cap’n, you’re right.

I wasn’t sure about it yesterday…the photo of the grave on the above-linked page makes it look like it’s buried in jungle foliage.

Welp, it’s off to the subway station for me.

I hope you are speaking figuratively here. Otherwise you might run into some trouble with the authorities.

Try to look innocent when you tell them you always carry a shovel for good luck.

…Should we start passing the hat for bail money now?

I used to live in an apartment on E 211th overlooking Woodlawn. I could see Bat Masterston’s grave from my window.

Others not mentioned:

George M. Cohan: The Yankee Doodle Dandy.
James Montgomery Flagg: Uncle Sam Wants You!
Nellie Bly: Globetrotting journalist.
Admiral David Farragut: Hero of Mobile Bay.
William C. Durant: Founded a little company called General Motors.
Madame C.J. Walker: America’s first black millionaire.
Harry Helmsley: Husband of Leona.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton : Women’s rights crusader.
Frankie Frisch: The Fordham Flash.
Jay Gould: The Robber Baron.
Serge Rubinstein: Shady financier whose murder was never solved.
Fritz Kriesler: Virtuoso musical forger.
Finley Peter Dunne: Dispenser of Mr. Dooley’s wisdom.