Thou Ingrown Toenail, You
by Powgwitch the Perpetually Disgruntled
Thou ingrown toenail, you
weave your calcite deposits deeper
and deeper
and deeper
into mine calloused bipedal support mechanisms
with the percolating ferocity of
two libidinous Dungbirds of Vartfrazzle Six
copulating in their own
festering crapulence
Yet I feel not so much sorrow
but rather relief
that despite the incessant agony which you inflict
upon me continuously (or is that
continually, I ask myself through
my
miasma of
vomit-inducing
p-a-i-n)
you do not ooze into my
breakfast cereal
causing it to turn a virulent green colour
which happened to Groggpluk
when he foolishly lanced his
forehead boil
(verily, a
replica of the Corpulent Fire-Geysers
of Praggapropp Seven,
said his mother unkind
-ly)
and it heaved and roared
and perhaps severed the very
fabric of time
before dropping
like mustard
placidly into his daily ration of bran
and Dungbird skin flakes.
Now I sing not to my toenail but to Groggpluk,
devourer of his own bodily fluids,
brother in torment and anguish.