I’d need a couple of thousand dollars in airfares to get to a mall that had those type of shops. Can you describe the behaviour instead? Is it an all the time thing, or just something they do when they are out shoipping and stressed?
I ask because I know lots of parents of various ages, and none of them seem to have any personality defects aside from the ones they were born with.
Ah, so maybe this is just an American thing.
More likely just a perception thing.
I don’t actually know any parents who have “give[n] themselves up entirely” to their kids. I know a few parents who are not sufficiently capable of saying “No” and rather more parents who seem to demand more of their kids than the kids are likely to be able to give, but I suspect that the few parents who really have surrendered to their children have made a disproportionate impression on the people who would really prefer to not have to deal with kids.
38 years old, no children. I’ve never even seriously considered having them, nor have I ever regretted the lack. I also have moral problems with bringing children into a world this bad, as a species as flawed as humans.
I’m 26, and my husband I and decided before we got married that we weren’t going to have kids. We could afford it and don’t have any physical reason not to, but we both just don’t really like kids.
Additionally, every time I have a dream about children/being pregnant it’s a nightmare. I get these dreams 3-4 times a year. It’s always a similar scenario: I suddenly find out I’m 9 months pregnant and having the kid NOW. When the kid comes out, I always hate it and there is always something wrong with it. In one dream I had a baby girl and she was completely covered with fur. Everyone kept telling me how beautiful she was, but I was sobbing and screaming that she was not, she was hideous. These dreams do not seem like a good omen to me. Like the OP, maybe I’ll take in a foreign exchange student one day or something.
I’m 37, no kids.
I remember when I was in my 20’s sorta wanting kids, but I think now that that was the default desire, fostered by society.
As I hit 30 I moved 1000 miles back to my hometown and am now close to all my nieces and nephews. The difference they have made in my life is astounding and such a gift. Coming back home was the best decision I could have ever made, in part because they are an active part of my life.
But I don’t want kids of my own at all ever.
And, I hope this doesn’t make me sound too arrogant, but I think that my not having kids is a gift to my nieces and nephews, too. I do think that I provide an extra in their lives that their parents can’t. I’m never too tired and exhausted when I see them, so everytime they walk in the door I can honestly greet them with enthusiasm and affection. I’m not responsible for the day to day stuff so I have the energy to do little cool things with them. I’m not distracted by as much life as their parents are so I always have the time to look them in the eye and talk to them. I hope I’m explaining myself here…
It’s because I don’t have kids of my own that I can be a very very good aunt to them and be a unique presence in their lives. And they are exactly what I need, too. I get my kid fix, I get to play and laugh with them, I get to hold and hug them, and then I get my independence and my solitude, too.
I really look forward to the day when I am an old lady and they come to show me their children, and I will tear up with joy.
And I absolutely have no regrets.
Never decided to not make kids. Never crossed my mind to make one either. I don’t think anyone can decide a negative. Making a kid is something you decide, not making one is just going with the status quo.
Unless the status quo for one’s life is to never engage in heterosexual activity, “making a kid” is rather simple to do without making any explicit choices, at all.
44, female, married 15 years, childless. When we got married, we were both ambivilant about having children. Each of us would have been okay with it if the other had really, really wanted them, but neither if us did. No real regrets, and nearly every time we go out to a nice restaurant or a movie, we get lots of reinforcement in our belief that it was absolutely the right thing to do. I don’t recall having more than an occasional twinge hormone-induced deisre to have a baby. Certainly not enough to act upon.
Well, there are parents, and then there are people who hang out at Gymboree. The latter are a tiny subset of the former. Having kids *does * change everything, but it doesn’t mean you move to Stepford.
I’m not exactly the person the OP is addressing, since I have one kid. But for what it’s worth, despite loving her to death and not wanting anything different, I’ve always known I didn’t want any more. Parenting is hard work, and just one stretches the limits of my emotional resources. It isn’t for everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Middle-aged, single, male. I love being an uncle. I desperately wanted to have children. But it’s too late now, and I’m resigned to it. I’m scared of the father I’d be, though.
45 year-old female here. No kids and certainly no regrets as I have never wanted them.
Me too! Except I only have these dreams once or twice a decade. I remember one where the baby had a big, lightbulb-shaped head and his father was some guy I thought was creepy at school. shudder
I don’t know if I count, because I’ve never had a partner who wanted to have kids with me. I don’t feel good about the idea of voluntarily having a kid on my own (even if my religion did allow it) (not that I couldn’t do it if I needed to). But I will say that during one of my worst time (panic and anxiety attacks), I decided not to have kids because I couldn’t be responsible for creating someone who would almost certainly have the same issues I and my family do. And that is what comforts me when I do think about how I have never gotten to have kids.
Who we are: Both 57, she, 2 college degrees, me, some college. Married 27 years, and we never intended to have children. I got a vasectomy.
Why not: She had taught 3rd grade children for 3 years, and decided that 24 hours with one of those would drive her insane. I had a toxic, nasty father dedicated to making his children feel like failures. I did not want to pass that curse on to another generation.
Regrets: Just one little one. Although I get along fine with children, I never learned to communicate very well with them.
I have nightmares about having children too! I remember in one I was pregnant and I was going to get an abortion but my coworker really wanted to adopt it so I said okay, I will have the kid for you. Then at 8 months he decided he and his wife didn’t want a baby after all. I sat in my cube bawling and whispering “Im so scared”. Then in another dream I opened the door, my aunt handed me a set of twins and walked away. She never came back and I couldn’t convince anyone to raise the babies or even believe that they weren’t mine!
We have one adopted after infertility and a surprise bio kid. So its a little different than what you are talking about, but there is little difference in being OUR CHILDREN (except all my own bad qualities that show up in my daughter drive me more nuts because I know I’m to blame for them). We adopted because we chose not to remain childless - the being parents part of having children turned out to be more important to us than the breeding part.
(And I think remaining childless by choice is a fine choice. One I can respect a lot more than having children because someone else thinks you should, or you think you might want kids and time is running out. Having kids and then changing your mind about having them sucks for everyone.)
But, adoption gets to be limited in availability as you “reach a certain age” which doesn’t last long past the fertility cycle. There are waiting kids, you can always try open adoption and hope to get picked by a birthmother - though younger parents seem to be preferred, and some countries allow you to adopt late (China and India used to be good choices for older parents - but our adoption was eight years ago - not sure what is good now), but your adoption options start drying up the same time your fertility options do. Just so you are forwarned.
Not good enough. Kill yourself at once. This world is too evil for you to live in it another second.
C’mon. Did you forget the smiley? Or forget to hit BACK instead of SUBMIT?
I understand your point, but I am not sure it was worth a potential hijack.
My partner and I are child-free by choice. I don’t have any maternal instincts whatsoever, neither of us like kids and have never really wanted them. I guess perhaps we’re just selfish in that we don’t want to give up our comfortable lives and busy social diaries for the sake of some strange little wailing object that will take over our lives for the next 18 years.
I’ve never been that keen on other people’s children either, colleagues bring their babies into the office to show them off and it does nothing for me at all. I think that’s probably telling me that I don’t want kids.