I’d like to know what percentage of people choose not to have children without reasons like infertility, genetic disease, health of the mother, or other obvious forced choices not to reproduce. For most of my life I didn’t want to have kids for fear of passing on my (self-adjudged) terrible genes, only to change my mind too late. I suppose I still qualify as voluntarily declining to reproduce, how big a demographic am I part of?
Thanks for any and all answers and flames,
AllFree
I know of two such people. Since there are two of them, my anecdote = data.
At age 16 I decided I didn’t want children and 48 years later, have no regrets but in my case genes did not play a major role in my decision. My reasons involved simply observing my home life and upbringing in a dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic disciplinarian who spent his leisure time playing golf, gambling and womanizing. My mother did her best in maintaining a family unit but despite her efforts, was not really successful. When it came to me having children, I simply didn’t see any point in it.
Over the years I’ve conducted a totally unscientific survey by asking mothers 30 or older, “If you had the opportunity to relive your life, would you have children again?” Usually, the majority wold reply with, "Well, I do love my kids . . . but . . . ", and then go on to say they probably would not. Again, totally unscientific and I have no idea how it applies to the general population.
Might make a good poll question.
What do you consider “a forced cause”? If that stat which gets tossed about re. 1/3 of people never marrying (as a sort of historic average figure) is true, that would be about 1/3 of people not reproducing, but do you count people who never find a mate although they’d like one? Do you count going into religious celibacy?
Need clear definitions, before we can start even considering the question.
Not breeding is the modus operandi of these crazy mofos.
I think we should take care of the children we have already instead of creating more useless assholes. We’re losing 0.90 IQ points a generation!
I believe that AllFree is asking what percentage of the adult population who have an option to have children intend not to do so.
This includes people who could have children but who choose a life of religious celibacy. It does not include people who haven’t found a willing partner. This is a lack of opportunity (or a winning smile), not an intention to remain childless.
I don’t have any official stats to offer, and I’m not sure any such stats are even compiled.
If personal and anecdotal data is welcome, I’d suggest the percentage is very, very small. I’ve always been perfectly happy with my clear intention never to have children, but in 48 years I think I’ve only met two other people who felt the same way (one male, one female). Everyone else I meet who has the option seems to want to exercise it at some point. Of course, as previously noted, this intention may often be frustrated by the fact that Mr or Miss Perfect Wonder Partner didn’t return their call / is dating a ‘total waste of space’ / has just decided to move to a remote jungle colony / tragically fails to share their interest in Star Wars collectibles etc.
Having a child was never a huge priority for me. Nor was it a problem. I figured I’d have a good life either way.
I happened to marry a man who is sterile. I, however, am fertile (at least for a couple more years). We discussed whether or not we wished to get me pregnant via other means, but we decided that children weren’t a huge deal for us, we had nieces and nephews to spoil, and decided not to bother. So I guess I elected not to reproduce though I could have.
If we had not had siblings who procreated I think we would have felt differently, but it’s not like the world is experiencing a people shortage.
I don’t have stats, but I have heard that more than half of child-bearing age women are either choosing to remain childless or delay childbirth significantly. I don’t think the social world has caught quite up to that though.
44, male, never wanted children, don’t have any, won’t have any.
I like children, depending on the particular child in question. I love my nieces and nephews. Just never felt the desire to reproduce.
The OP may be interested in the Childless by Choice Project, describing research on this issue.
I don’t know if they actually have any stats on what percentage of non-parents chose that option deliberately, though.
And I imagine that for most people there probably isn’t a bright line between voluntary and involuntary non-parenthood. As in Broomstick’s description, for many couples it’s not so much a clear yes-or-no choice as a question of “how important is it to us to try to overcome this barrier to parenthood?” The barrier in question could be physical fertility problems, or other health/genetic issues, or a job situation that would make it difficult for one or both members of the couple to devote a lot of time to parenting, or whatever. Where do you draw the line between “choice” and “forced” in such situations? I suspect that in most cases the line is pretty fuzzy.
I would also be interested in actual stats, because this is one area where there is a clear dichotomy between what I read about on message boards like this one and what I see in real life.
On message boards I hear of plenty of people who don’t want kids.
But in real life I don’t know of any couples who can have children, but have chosen not to. Not a single one.
Both my husband and I knew from a young age that we did not want to be parents. There are enough people in the world; there is no need for people who do not have an affinity for it to be parents. I would never take the chance that I’d “fall in love” with my child as soon as it was born.
As far as I know, we were both fertile, until my husband had a vasectomy.
At work, there is at least one other woman a few years younger than I who has chosen with her husband to have dogs instead, but I don’t know if they wanted and couldn’t have children.
I strongly suspect that if my mother had been born 15 or even 10 years later than she had been, she would not have had children. But she came of age in the late 50s instead of the late 60s, and I think she felt that she “ought” to have a family.
I’m childless by choice. Never wanted my own children, not because of any reason in my family genetically or behaviorally, but just because I recognize that I, personally, do not have what it takes to parent a child or children.
All of my romantic partners have not wanted children, including the current one.
You probably won’t meet a lot unless you really start to pry. Its not like I have a Childfree banner at my desk to advertise it.
If you ask me if I have kids, the answer is no.
If you ask me if I am planning to have kids, the answer is no.
If you start going into why I don’t plan to have any, then you are probably digging a little too deep unless we are good friends.
And frankly, there aren’t a lot of people who make that conscious decision, no matter what the Childfree people tell you. The ones that do make that decision are often really loud about it. I personally don’t know anyone other than my wife and I that have sworn off the idea of children. I do know people that supposedly swore it off and then due to an “oops” decided to go through with it instead of having an abortion.
I should say that I don’t know any married couples (with at least a few years of marriage) who have sworn off the idea of kids. I hang out with a fair number of single and “divorced no-kids” types that would probably decide to have them if they got married again.
Really? I know that I’m in a minority, but I know several couples that don’t have children. One couple is in their 50s, another couple is in their late 30s, SpouseO and I are in our mid-30s as are a few couples that we’re friends with that don’t (yet) have children. We also have some gay friends of both sexes that don’t have children (and have chosen not to have them) ranging in age from mid-30s to 50s and older. My brother and his wife are childless, but regrettably for them that’s due to fertility issues and not their choice. My single sister-in-law is in her mid-30s, and I’m not certain she’ll choose to have children even when she does get in a long-term relationship.
I don’t know how many of the above people have chosen not to have kids (except for SpouseO and I, my close friend and her husband, and my old boss and his wife) versus “we’ll have them someday but now isn’t the right time” younger couples or those struggling with infertility. But now that I think about it, I do know a surprising amount of people who don’t have children.
I guess it depends on the crowd you hang around with. I know several married or long term coupled that have decided to not have kids.
This is a good point; my husband and I are childfree by choice, and we don’t tell anybody unless they ask - we never volunteer the information. We’re active in the childfree community here, so we know a couple dozen couples like us. The non-reproducing adult stats are higher than you suspect, I think - my husband participated in a local article about being childfree by choice, and the stats in that article had it as high as 40% of people don’t have children. I’m not sure it is actually that high, but it’s higher than people realize.