Not at all. If the soda is creating such tension that the kids can’t control themselves, then its removal is the next logical step. Carbonated beverages are not as important as my children. 
Re: Pouring away the inexpensive but highly desirable bottle of pop.
Remember–actions speak louder than words.
My brother owns a Wii, and his little girls love playing with it. He bought Mommy the WiiFit for her birthday.
One of the games involves a ski jump. Apparently you “jump” by extending your knees or something*, not by actually jumping. Actually jumping may damage the WiiFit. I’m inclined to think that anything which can tolerate a 330 pound person stepping on and off routinely should be sturdy enough to tolerate a 40 pound person jumping on it. But I do also think that jumping on it is not a habit which the child should get into as an innocuous 40 pound person. Plus there’s the whole obedience thing–if Daddy says “Thou shalt not jump” and you jump, expect consequences that you will not like.
So, Niece did the activity, and she jumped, and Daddy told her she shouldn’t have, and the machine told her she shouldn’t have, and it canceled her jump. That was a consequence she didn’t like. She’ll be far more careful the next time not to actually jump.
She doesn’t get all the grown-up stuff associated with the Wii, but she still likes winning, and you can’t get the most points for jumping if the WiiFit deprives you of points for jumping.
*I have not yet had an opportunity to try out the WiiFit activities.
I don’t think pouring out the soda is spiteful either. It’s a demonstration of consequences and I would do it myself if I had to. When my kid was 4 I told him I didn’t want the Buzz Lightyear sword from Disney on Ice in my face and when that didn’t deter him I took it out to the garbage can and threw it the hell out. Is that spiteful? Or is it just punishment for disobedience?
I’ve never banned a letter from my kid’s alphabet or vocabulary, but I have told him certain things were against the law. My two biggest successes: “It is against the law to wear a Pull-Up downstairs.” and “It is against the law to buy pacifiers for children who have passed their third birthday.”
A couple of weeks ago, my son refused to put any clothes before getting in the car for daycare. He’s been really whiny lately and I didn’t want to shout at him - I’m not a screamer and raising my voice only makes him ignore me. Ignoring him hasn’t been working very well, either - he’d just cling to my leg and whine while I attempted to go about my business.
So I said, “Oh, so today is naked day! I thought that was Thursday.” I calmly took my own clothes off (except for the underwear & bra), grabbed him, still naked, and put him in the car. As I was preparing to drive away, he said, “Mommy? Mommy? I put my pants on? You put your clothes on?” So we went back in the house, got dressed (no complaints from him) and were out the door in about 7 minutes. It was great - there was no whining, just wide-eyed amazement that I would not only put him in the car naked, but get in in nearly the same condition. I was SO glad he said something, though. Thank God it was chilly enough in the garage. I would never had tried that in the middle of summer - he probably would’ve been perfectly willing to drive to daycare that way had it been warmer.
Obviously it’s up to you, but were the consequences of disobeying you clear before you did this?
When something like this happens at our house, we put the toy into time out. That way, it’s out of reach, no one can play with it for a set time (sometimes a day, sometimes a few minutes). It actually upsets them more than putting them into a time out. Plus it gives us the satisfaction of taking away a toy without the permanence of throwing it away. Sometimes we all forget about the toy completely. We’ve found all sorts of things in the time out box we’d forgotten about. 
I bet the consequences were clear afterward.
Sometimes kids need a clear demonstration that there ARE consequences. Obviously short of beatings or denying something actually needed, and demonstration is fair game.
A couple of things I used: Whining and begging continuously in a store guaranteed you not only wouldn’t get what you were whining about, you wouldn’t get it next time, either, and there was zero chance I’d change my mind. Whereas if you asked once, nicely, there was always a possibility I’d think it over and amend my decision.
Bad acts must always, consistently, no exceptions, have a consequence. Examples: Once my very young daughter left library books outside. They were rained on, ruined, and we had to pay for them. Obviously the child could not pay for them, she was not old enough to even have that concept clear. I didn’t want to take away books; books are important. So I took away something she wanted but didn’t need – dessert. No dessert for a day for each ruined book (three). Big impact, no harm.
A little older, and one of them was rude and sassy. Later, asks for something – a ride to a friend’s house or some such thing. Nope. Why? I don’t feel like it. My feelings were hurt by your rudeness, and I don’t feel like doing a favor for somebody who is rude to me. Oh.
I don’t remember if I told him I would throw this particular toy away or not, but at the time he had a big problem with long, pointy objects, people’s faces and our displeasure and, as MLS said, he understood the consequences afterwards.
I don’t think you have to practically go into contract with kids when it comes to behavior and consequences all the time.
When I was little my parents told us that they couldn’t understand us if we whined. If we did, they insisted that we talk in a “grown-up voice” so that they could understand us. It worked well and I once had occasion to try it on a sprog in my care (who was certainly old enough to know better than to whine). He came running up in full whine, and I said “I can’t understand you when you talk like that. Can you say it in a grown-up voice so that I can understand you?” He scowled and looked puzzled for a minute, then repeated his complaint in a DEEP BASS voice, as if he was impersonating James Earl Jones …
Remember tho, that this technique can backfire. I still agree with my teenage self that, as long as there is no food to create a biohazard, there is no good reason for a person to keep their own room clean if they don’t want to.
Parents using this technique need to remember that they will sometimes lose the argument.
That’s very cute. My husband tried that on my nephew once who just kept yelling louder and louder in an effort to make him understand.
The kids used to pester me about what we were having for dinner, and then they’d moan if they didn’t like the answer. So now the answer is always “Poop.” (May also involve elements of the actual truth, for instance “pooploaf” if we’re having meatloaf).
Whenever they are struggling to open something and want to hand it off to someone else (for instance, a jar of olives), I say, “Pretend you’re in the desert. Your plane has crashed and you have crawled out of the wreckage, the sole survivor. Suddenly you find a jar of olives! Without these olives, you will surely die. What will you doooo?” Somehow, they often find a little more inside themselves and get that jar open. Other times, they say, “I’d break the jar and eat olives out of the broken glass!” or whatever. (And of course, if they really need help, I help them).
What about…?
B) you need to be able to find your books for school etc.
C) if friends come over your room will be presentable
D) if family comes over and we need to use your room, it’s presentable
E) we want to instill this as a habit…5 minutes a day saves grief later
F) everybody in this family works—school=your work, but we all pitch in at home
G) having a clean dorm room will matter when you discover girls
Given your name, this is highly appropriate.
::furiously taking notes::
I can’t wait to try out some of these! I currently have a 4-year-old whiner (favorite phrase: “It’s not faaaaaiiiiiir!”) and a 2-year-old screamer. I too have used the “I can’t hear whining!” technique.
SP2263, you are my new role model.
When my daughter was younger, if she asked me where I was, I always told her “hiding from you” or if she asked what was for dinner “glass of water and a toothpick”
My mom’s answer to “I’m hungry!” or “I’m thirsty!” was always “hi, I’m Cathy, pleased to meet you.”
I love my Mom to death, but it would have been really cool to be raised by some of you!!
I wish, I wish, I WISH more people used the “I can’t hear whining” technique, or some other variant that teaches that whining isn’t acceptable! We often see my husband’s younger cousins, and they are ALL whiners, with the sole exception of the mostly mute one! And by younger, I mean that there are some that are 5 years old, so whining is almost understandable, if not acceptable, but one of the worst, is 12. We never see them without their parents around, so we can’t really discipline them, and their parents are so laid back that it doesn’t bother them. But then an 11 or 13 year old boy comes up to you, whining louder than their 5 and 7 year old sisters, you gotta wonder if it isn’t time to put an abrupt end to that habit! Especially the one that sounds like he’s perpetually on the edge of tears…“buh.t…s…she [/sob] got…a…[/sob] w…w…whole extra [/sob] three MINUTES on the computer! [/sob]” He is sooo gonna get his whiny ass kicked in high school 
One of the best things I ever taught my kids was that tantrums or any other loud noises can’t be heard through standard hollow core interior doors. Since it’s no fun to get all snotty and sorethroaty from screaming and freaking out if you’re the only one impacted, they threw one tantrum each and then abandoned it as a tactic.
Asking for something at the store was the one sure way to make absolutely sure said item would never make it into the basket. Kids got really good at the “Mom, I think this is a very good product that should be part of any balanced meal” tactic as well as the meaningful looks…
My biggest challenge with my two stemmed from the fact that they’re only fifteen months apart in age, and my daughter is the older, bossier one. When they got into those preteen years and little bro would no longer mind his sister when she bossed him, they’d get into knockdown dragout fights, usually with lots of hitting and tattling. I got really sick of having to listen to all this crapola, so I set them down one day and explained that I’m taking the practical approach–since hitting isn’t allowed in our house, and neither is tattling the rules would be simple going forth and each hit and each tattle regarding hitting would be met with one hour of the grossest chores I could devise.
Ergo, sis hits bro, bro hits back, sis tattles. That’s two hours of gross chores for sis, one for bro. I then told them I was expecting that henceforth I wouldn’t have to do any work around the house since they were so fond of hitting each other they’d be doing chores all day long. Well, they were shocked shitless. My daughter was all “But that’s not right, you can’t do that!” I just said that trying to reason with them wasn’t working and since I was totally tired of the hitting and the fighting and the tattling if I have to listen to it then an hour of chores makes it up to me, so have at it–work out! Beat the shit out of each other, make sure you remember how many times each of you hit and then BOTH come tattle about it so I can make sure to give you both as many hours as you deserve!
They tried me out a few times, and I had lots of dog poop shovelling and garage cleaning ready to go and after a couple of weeks if they ever fought or hit each other I never knew about it. Nowadays they’re in their thirties and they’re best friends–I know of few siblings who’re as bonded as they are. If they fight, I STILL don’t know about it!
So they’ll know it’s futile to yell for help when they are trapped in their room? :eek: