The question is pretty obviously intended to elicit information about what is special about each dish that could help the diner make a decision. I see no bad here.
If you feel put upon by customers asking questions about the food you serve, you shouldn’t be a waiter.
I read it as an entirely intended pun, personally. 
Oh, and Una, I know you knew it was unintentional. My main thrust was ensuring that you knew to hit the report button as well as post an in-thread disclaimer.
It would have been much easier to just type “I’m a dick.”
Excuse me, I was only commenting that if someone was going to accuse me of being off topic, it was a bit of the pot calling the kettle black. :rolleyes:
If anyone is coming off as a ‘silly person,’ it’s the one who is posting in all caps and using middle school insults.
I wasn’t accusing you of being off-topic. I was accusing you of replying to a legitimate concern with a bunch of irrelevant examples of customers *actually *being assholes, thus revealing that you have no fucking clue what is and isn’t a legitimate complaint about customer behavior.
Not only are you a moron, but illiterate, too. Tsk, tsk.
Waitaminit… who called you a “gayfer”?
Sigh. Fine, I’ll take this one for the team.
WHAT’S A GAYFER?
Tips.
Like, “Oh honey, those shoes with those pants? Uh uh uh no.”
See, what you don’t seem to get is, this conversation doesn’t piss me off. You, OTOH have lost your shit entirely from the very beginning simply because I won’t see things your way.
I find that amusing, kind of like when I see someone else’s toddler throw a tantrum in a store and think ‘thank goodness that one isn’t mine.’ It doesn’t matter what I say, you’re going to go off on a rant and post a bunch of childish insults because that seems to be all you’re capable of doing when things don’t go your way.
It also makes me seriously doubt that you’re a pleasant customer despite your claims to the contrary.
That’s because your way, i.e., viewing a request from a customer to split a check as a completely unreasonable demand on a server’s time and mental energies, is completely fucking retarded and wrong.
It does matter what you say. What you say just happens to be deeply stupid.
We’re in the Pit, dear. Outside of here, there are any number of people on this forum who find me endlessly helpful and gracious. Do you expect boxers to just start punching random people on the street, too?
I take it you have never seen the end of the documentary, Rocky V.
Well, there were waitstaff and former waitstaff upthread talking about customers who keep them from other tables by saying they’re ready and not being ready, so I thought that asking someone to help you decide between pasta and meat was maybe not a waitperson’s favorite customer trick. Maybe it’s just that I, as a table-mate, was annoyed by her. She would ask things like, “Is the lobster roll really meaty and delicious?” (actual quote) and I always wondered if she expected the person to say, “No, it’s skimpy and rancid.”
So, yeah, it was probably my experience with her as a person and coworker that made that habit of hers so annoying to me.
Blowjobs?
In regards to why some restaurants want to avoid the split check situation, they may be try to avoid either of these two scenarios I saw more than a few times when there was a huge party with separate checks:
Scenario 1: Person asks for extra naan ‘for the table’ indicating themself and a few other people. More people at the table ask for extra naan, sometimes of my coworkers rather than me. I assume it’s a table-wide thing (most of the time it is), and order more naan for the table. When it comes time for the bill, I split the naan order by the number of people who shared it (my system allowed me to divide any item but drinks).
Result: No one wants to pay for the naan, everyone blaming everyone else for ordering the naan. Or, they claim that they thought the naan was free. Either way, they make such a stink that it’s often taken off the bill.
If I try to rectify this by going to the table and asking who exactly ordered the naan when they place orders with my coworkers or only charging the people who actually ordered the naan, there is sometimes outrage that a single individual should pay for something the whole table enjoyed, but by then it’s too late to collect money from all the other people (they never offer it up).
Once I had this asshole guy who kept ordering things ‘for the table’ and no one said that it should be otherwise. He wouldn’t accept the entire bill for the extra items and the other people didn’t want to have the items on their tickets either.
Scenario 2: People deny having certain drinks/appetizers, claiming they never ordered what I charged them for or they weren’t the ones who had that particular item. I always took good notes, very carefully put the order into the kitchen to make sure all the seat numbers were right, and IDed the dish when putting it down (I worked in an Indian restaurant, sometimes they needed to hear the name again). It’s possible that I messed up a few times, but, in some of those cases, I know those people were lying. Cheapskate acquaintances who will try to cheat you into paying for their dinner will often try the same bullshit tactics on us.
Having one bill saves us this confusion. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing, but I’ve noticed in certain ethnic groups, one person always pays the bill. I loved serving parties like that where the leader was also a heavy drinker.
I’m amazed that you saw waiters/waitresses on cell phones in upscale places. We’d be fired that day if we tried something like that in my work place.
These wouldn’t happen to be the ethnic groups that tip, say, $5 on a $200 check, would they? I really didn’t like waiting on those ethnic groups.
Just wanted to read this again. It’s good to remember that there are people out there with GOOD attitudes. I’m part of a big church group (that has evolved into a “Find a New Upscale Restaurant and Screw The Bible Study part” group).
We have run into zero snootiness (mebbe cuz we jes be SOOOO fun!) and have had most waitpeople ask if we’d like a separate check for each couple.
And we tip big. Because we’re Christians. What? Why wouldn’t it always work that way? 
Maybe a frustrated waiter will take their cue from Steve Slater…
Reminds me of this big black guy who I served one day. Nice friendly bloke, talkative. After his meal he left me a tip and then LOUDLY proclaimed for the whole restaurant to hear he was a black guy and yes, he tipped.
I would take a large pay cut to wait tables at a restaurant that had a inflatable slide and still served beer.
Wait, which one is that? Adrian’s Revenge?
Also, I find it hard to believe that Rocky V is the *only *documentary ever made.