Waitress' inflection with asking yes/no or either/or questions

In My Humble Opinion
1

Mr. Ipsum and I recently bought a new house, so we have been cutting back on frivolous expenses, including restaurants. However, our realtor who helped us sell the old house bought us a $100 gift card to a high-end restaurant, so last night we decided to use it.

The menu had entries for soup, salads, sides (mashed potatoes and other vegetable dishes) and main courses. I ordered a filet mignon, and after asking me how I wanted it done, the waitress asked, “Would you like soup or salad with that?”

Now I wish I had access to a microphone and server to upload a sound file to, because this is the sticking point. The inflection she used was that of an either/or question - the same inflection you’d use if you asked someone, “Should we turn right or left?” So based on the way she asked the question, I assumed this was included, and she was simply asking which one I wanted. I chose a salad.

DH ordered his meal, and got the same question, and he also ordered salad. Then, because the waitress hadn’t brought it up, I mentioned that we’d like to order some sides (from the vegetable dishes listed under “sides” on the menu). I asked for creamed spinach, but the waitress told me that my filet already came with wilted spinach, so I passed. But the two of us decided to share a side of mashed potatoes.

When the bill arrived, it was higher than expected, even counting the gift card (which we knew wouldn’t cover everything). Looking at the list, I saw that we had been charged $8 a piece for the salads. I asked the waitress, “I thought salads were included. Why were we charged for them?” She said, “No, I never said salads or soup were included. I was very clear that sides are extra.” I said, “Okay, you didn’t specifically say they were included, but the way you asked the question implied it.” She again said, “I was only asking if you wanted to order them. I was very clear that sides were extra.”

So I was a bit annoyed that she wasn’t even apologetic for the misunderstanding. The way she kept saying that she told us sides were extra - she never said anything about sides one way or the other, until we brought up the fact that we wanted to order them. (And “salads” were listed separately on the menu from “sides.”) And the fact that my meal came with its own vegetable shows that not all sides are extra.

DH wondered if we should talk to the manager, but I wasn’t sure. What could we say, that we wanted to complain about a waitress’ inflection? They would think we were being ridiculous.

And maybe it is ridiculous, and like something out of Seinfeld, but it’s bugging me. The way I see it, there are two ways to ask a question, as a yes/no question, or an either/or question. And it comes down to the inflection of the asker. Compare the two sets of questions and acceptable answers:

Either/Or
Q: “Would you like soup or salad with that?”
A: “Soup”
A: “Salad”

Yes/No
Q: “Would you like soup or salad with that?”
A: “No thank you.”
A: “Yes, I’ll have soup.”
A: “Yes, I’ll have salad.”

The way she asked it was definitely in the either/or sense. But yes, according to the letter of the law, she never said the words “Soup and salad are included.” And yes, we are at fault for making an incorrect assumption. However, do you think the waitress is at least partly at fault for the way she asked the question?

I’m not trying to play the blame game - well, maybe I am. But like I said, I acknowledge that it’s at least partly our fault. I’m just wondering what other people think of this situation.

2

I understand what you mean and I’ve gotten that same inflection before (most likely from waitresses but it might have been at other retail establishments.) I tend to check what’s included in the meal on the menu before I order. If the waitress says that in the either/or sort of inflection and it’s not explicitly listed as included on the menu, I ask whether it’s included in the meal even if her tone implies that it is.

But I can see how one might make that assumption if it is an entree.

3

I can understand how this misunderstanding happened, but I think it’s really on you and not the restaurant’s fault. I don’t think she was purposefully trying to be sneaky, and I don’t think you deserved to be comped. But I wouldn’t have thought bad of you if you had explained your situation to the manager, and he probably would have given them to you.

I would always assume salad is extra, especially at places where you can spend upwards of $100 on two people.

4

I honestly don’t know how she could have made that clear just through the tone of her voice. I’ve been sitting here at work mumbling the question to myself with various inflections, which means it’s a really, really good thing I have my own office :smiley:

Ideally, she should have said “would you like soup or salad? Just so you know, they aren’t included with the dinner.” Obviously she’s not going to do that since it’s in her best interest to inflate the check by $16 to make money for the restaurant, hoping that most people (like you and your husband) won’t make enough of a stink for it to be taken off the bill.

IMHO it’s a case of caveat emptor. Unless it’s specifically stated that “steak platters include one side and choice of soup or salad” it’s safest to assume that they’re going to charge you for everything else, including breathing.

5

I’ve been saying it in my head, and the difference is, “Do you want SOUP or salad?” with the inflection rising to a peak at the word “soup” and falling off after that. That implies that you have a choice, soup or salad. The other way is, “Do you want soup or salad?” with the inflection dropping slightly to the word soup, and then rising after that. The implication is that you can have a soup or salad, or nothing.

I don’t think it was an accident. I think it’s subtle enough that the waiter figured she could get away with it every once in a while and people would be too embarassed to complain.

6

I assume you deducted the unexpected additional bill amount from her tip

( blue touch paper now sufficiently lit, steps slowly back and out of the door)

Okay, joking aside am guessing at 100 plus bucks for two this isn’t a chain resto. In which case then I would expect also that they would charge for everything, however, I would also have expected her to offer a range of salads and alternative soups which to my mind would have suggested that they were individually priced.

hope the house sale completes smoothly

7

I’m seeing this more too. They ask which side do you want and it’s not included in the meal. I do not remember this as much in the past and it seems to be at more upscale places where you don’t want to appear “cheap” by asking how much something is.

I am voting it’s a sneaky bullshit way of inflating the bill. I’m sure it’s management’s way of “upselling”. I doubt the waitress came up with it by herself.

8

The waitstaff in restaurants are extremely busy. In addition to everything else they do, they are there to take your order, which it sounds like she did. But you expect her to be a mind reader as well as a document interpreter for you. The menu is right there. Read it next time. You are expecting to much from your server. Lower your expectations next time, or don’t go to such nice restaurants that outside of your sphere of regular dining.

9

I agree with steronz: if her voice fell towards the end, it implies either/or, but if her voice rose, I would hear it as yes/no. Tricky, though, because she can just as easily deny it, since the words are exactly the same.

ETA: Omar, I totally see what you did there… :wink:

10

I agree that that question implies that a soup or salad would have been included. I believe that many customers that do not frequent high-end restaurants would think the same.

What the waitress should have asked was, “Is there anything else you would like? Possibly a soup or salad?” or something along those lines.

I would have complained to the manager. The worst thing that would have happened was nothing. It’s likely the manager would have taken the salads of your bill and told the waitress to be more clear in the future.

I was a waitress for many years. That waitress knew exactly what she was doing. If it had truly been a misunderstanding, she would have apologized. The fact that she did not apologize, and had response ready leads me to believe that it was a trick she had pulled before. The more customers spend, the bigger her tip.

It’s probably not to late to call the restaurant and let them know what happened. That would possibly keep other customers from falling into that waitresses trap, and you might get more gift cards out of it.

11

I agree that I would hear downward inflection as either/or, upward inflection as yes/no, but with the propensity for people to uptalk, I wouldn’t be 100% sure. I would say the honest way of asking about soup or salad that is extra is to say “Would you like to add soup or salad to that?” Then it’s clear it’s an additional charge. On the other hand, when it’s included in the meal, I seem to recall the server pointing that out, as in “That comes with your choice of soup or salad.”

In the end, safest to just ask “does it come with the meal?” or something like that, but I agree that it should be the restaurant and server making it clear, and it smacks of a tableside upsell, rather than innocent misinterpretation.

12

Hopefully, if the customers felt they were ripped off, they would not tip on the extra charges, if not decreasing the overall tip, too. I’ve never stiffed a server (that I recall), but if I felt I was deliberately lied to, I wouldn’t feel any shame in leaving a big fat zero in the TIP line on the receipt. Just a couple customers like that and the server would learn that her upsell is costing her money rather than making it.

13

I always say, “Would you like to add a salad or cup of soup?” if the particular item doesn’t include the choice.

Otherwise, I say, “You have your choice of salad or soup with that. Which would you like?”

14

I would not leave the extra tip, but most people are non-confrontational. I would bet that her trick works for her most of the time. In a restaurant like that, the times that her trick works, probably more than make up for the times that it does not.

15

If your OP was a word-for-word actual account, then no, I don’t think she made it clear at all. I share your annoyance. Sometimes people have to use more words to be clear, but most people don’t work with words all day (like I do), so the assumption is what’s clear to me is also clear to you. In this case, she didn’t use the words at all (sides, salads, and soup are not included with entrees), so you were supposed to infer this knowledge from her tone of voice? I don’t care where the inflection was, if she didn’t use words, she didn’t make herself clear.

That said, I would think the onus of responsibility here is on you. Surely, the sides, soups, and salads were priced separately on the menu. That would be one big clue. Another clue might be that somewhere around the list of entrees, the menu states what the entree comes with (choice of soup or salad or a side). If the menu doesn’t state it, my assumption is that soups, salads and sides are a la carte, which tends to be the case in upscale restaurants. Or, you could have asked her before ordering. “Are those included with the entree or priced separately?”

What this appears to be, to me, is a case of Nobody Used Enough Words.

16

Is it a pretty house?

17

I think you’ve described the tonal difference, but would it always be clear when the person is speaking quickly or robotically?

Would a waitress really use this “trick”, hoping to increase her tip from $22 to $25 or such, while running the risk of angering you?

Although I realize you were “stuck” with a gift certificate, it is for this sort of reason that I avoid indulgences beyond my normal budget. I’ve a nightmare about ending up in an expensive restaurant and saying “Uhhh … I’m not too hungry, I’ll just have the changement de garniture.”

18
  • I don’t think she made it clear
  • you probably still should have asked
  • she could have apologized
19

It’s possible the waitress was following the instructions of management to push for every meal to include side dishes. I’ve only seen this in the high end restaurants chains which are pushing for a minimum take per customer. If they’re called on it, they’ll claim some ‘policy’ requires it. Make enough noise and they’ll cut the excess items from the bill, treat you like dirt, and hope you never return. Expect treatment like this at Morton’s, Ruth’s Chris, and the like. Their business model is a little different from the lower end of the restaurant spectrum. They need to maintain a daily gross income based on a higher margin per meal, but they also have to cover a higher overhead. It may not be the case described in the OP, which may just be nothing but an ambiguous speech pattern.

20

I’m far from a classy person. I’ve never been to a steakhouse that didn’t include soup or salad in the entree price. I would be thoroughly shocked to find out it was a separate charge. If she didn’t offer to get the manager or remove the offending side dishes from the bill herself, she wouldn’t be getting a tip from me. And this is coming from someone who has a serious moral problem with stiffing waitresses. I’ve never done it before. But, there was sufficient ambiguity in her phrasing to cast aspersions on her honesty, and dishonesty (even if only by omission) is WAY worse than incompetence.