Mr. Ipsum and I recently bought a new house, so we have been cutting back on frivolous expenses, including restaurants. However, our realtor who helped us sell the old house bought us a $100 gift card to a high-end restaurant, so last night we decided to use it.
The menu had entries for soup, salads, sides (mashed potatoes and other vegetable dishes) and main courses. I ordered a filet mignon, and after asking me how I wanted it done, the waitress asked, “Would you like soup or salad with that?”
Now I wish I had access to a microphone and server to upload a sound file to, because this is the sticking point. The inflection she used was that of an either/or question - the same inflection you’d use if you asked someone, “Should we turn right or left?” So based on the way she asked the question, I assumed this was included, and she was simply asking which one I wanted. I chose a salad.
DH ordered his meal, and got the same question, and he also ordered salad. Then, because the waitress hadn’t brought it up, I mentioned that we’d like to order some sides (from the vegetable dishes listed under “sides” on the menu). I asked for creamed spinach, but the waitress told me that my filet already came with wilted spinach, so I passed. But the two of us decided to share a side of mashed potatoes.
When the bill arrived, it was higher than expected, even counting the gift card (which we knew wouldn’t cover everything). Looking at the list, I saw that we had been charged $8 a piece for the salads. I asked the waitress, “I thought salads were included. Why were we charged for them?” She said, “No, I never said salads or soup were included. I was very clear that sides are extra.” I said, “Okay, you didn’t specifically say they were included, but the way you asked the question implied it.” She again said, “I was only asking if you wanted to order them. I was very clear that sides were extra.”
So I was a bit annoyed that she wasn’t even apologetic for the misunderstanding. The way she kept saying that she told us sides were extra - she never said anything about sides one way or the other, until we brought up the fact that we wanted to order them. (And “salads” were listed separately on the menu from “sides.”) And the fact that my meal came with its own vegetable shows that not all sides are extra.
DH wondered if we should talk to the manager, but I wasn’t sure. What could we say, that we wanted to complain about a waitress’ inflection? They would think we were being ridiculous.
And maybe it is ridiculous, and like something out of Seinfeld, but it’s bugging me. The way I see it, there are two ways to ask a question, as a yes/no question, or an either/or question. And it comes down to the inflection of the asker. Compare the two sets of questions and acceptable answers:
Either/Or
Q: “Would you like soup or salad with that?”
A: “Soup”
A: “Salad”
Yes/No
Q: “Would you like soup or salad with that?”
A: “No thank you.”
A: “Yes, I’ll have soup.”
A: “Yes, I’ll have salad.”
The way she asked it was definitely in the either/or sense. But yes, according to the letter of the law, she never said the words “Soup and salad are included.” And yes, we are at fault for making an incorrect assumption. However, do you think the waitress is at least partly at fault for the way she asked the question?
I’m not trying to play the blame game - well, maybe I am. But like I said, I acknowledge that it’s at least partly our fault. I’m just wondering what other people think of this situation.