Wake the freak up and grab a broom

The BBQ Pit
1

To my ex sister-in-law:

You’ve got a problem. A big one.

Stop defining yourself as the long suffering “sane” one. Yes, your ex-hubby had an alcohol problem. Yes, your two children have learning disabilities.

You’ve spent a fortune of other people’s money on ADD drugs and therapists. You drag your poor kids to meeting after meeting with school officials to get them special treatment for learning disabilities. Your kids don’t want the special headsets and computers, it makes them look like dorks. Heck, there is only one thing wrong with them. THAT IS YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH

You have an extensive hoarding disorder of the type usually found in little old cat ladies. Your kids probably have nothing wrong with their concentration that can’t be solved with a clean house, but spending their developmental years living in a junkyard with a few paths plowed through it has given them severe organizational problems. And it’s really just sad that your daughter tunes it all out and spends all her spare time at her grandma’s house designing her dream bedroom on the computer. Of course, you don’t have a working computer because you can’t keep one running, every disk and piece of paper and auxillary cord is immediately swallowed in the mess and of course you are too disorganized to pay an internet service bill in a timely manner.

No wonder my brother drank, he stopped after he moved out of the trashpile.

And you just lucked out and don’t even know it, people have been telling you for a few years that you are going to lose the little bit of TV service that you have on Feb 17th and you are so out of it that you don’t even know it is going to go away but you have until June, too bad, I was looking forward to you ranting about how “no one told you”.

And you lost all employment back when the economy was still good, face it, not being able to get to work on time is not a DISABILITY and good luck convincing a prospective employer that it is.

Still, you are convinced that everyone but YOU has a problem. You remained convinced of that even after CPS told you they were taking the kids unless you made bigger paths…CPS was concerned that your piles of junk and old catalogs might actually fall over on your kids and crush them, DON’T YOU GET THAT !!!

So, your insurance company finally got tipped off…probably from CPS…and cancelled your homeowners insurance because of the mess. Guess what, bitch…this means you’re going to get foreclosed on even if you’re making the payments because the fools dumb enough to give you a home equity loan need the place to be insurable.

This may mean another visit from CPS and this time they may take kids. The city might condemn the property, too.

ARE YOU CONVINCED THAT YOU NEED TO CLEAN YET ??? WHAT MORE WILL IT TAKE !!!

2

Oi vey. I feel for you. A good friend of mine grew up in a similar household, and I cringe at the fact that, now that they’re an adult, they’re showing signs of the exact same tendancies. Not even sure how to advise… Just empathizing.

3

Well, that sucks for everyone involved. Yes, hoarding is a psychological problem, but hoarding behaviour is the reason her life is the way it is, not the excuse. People with psychological problems work on them and make a life for themselves regardless every day. Here’s hoping she can give up being a victim long enough to actually get the help she needs and climb out of the hole she’s living in. It’s so easy to see from the outside what she needs to do, but no one can make anyone else help themselves.

4

I am a messy person by nature but I clean because I am afraid of becoming a hoarder. If I ever have to make a path through a room I will know it has gone too far and things must be cleaned immediately. The fact that she can’t pull it together to keep her home and her kids says a lot about her mental state. This sucks for you, accidentalyuppie, and I hope you don’t have to deal with too much of the backlash of this situation. Hopefully this will be the kick in the ass she needs to start cleaning.

5

I have someone come in to clean every two weeks, just to keep things from going totally to hell. It’s a very worthwhile investment for two messy people.

6

I’m no neat freak, but if I don’t clean at least one room every couple of weeks I start to feel like a hoarder.

7

OP, is it possible that your brother, now that he has stopped drinking, can take care of his kids and get them out of that hoarder’s nest?

Also, here is a resource for your brother. It’s http://www.squalorsurvivors.com/ a website for people who have overcome hoarding, and the people who used to live in squalor when they were growing up. There are a couple threads on hoarding and squalor here on SD, too.

8

Using the word squalor gives a sort of romantic air to it.

9

My ex-wife was like this.

It got better (though still cluttered and tacky) when we moved out of our apartment, pitched about 50% of her belongings, and moved in with my mother in law.

It’s been six months since we split, and I’ve realized I’m now a reflexive minimalist, which dovetails nicely with my inherent laziness. It’s a helluva lot easier to run the vacuum once a week when you don’t have tons of crap laying around.

10

That’s some sense of romance! :smiley:

11

At one point a few years ago, my sister-in-law was discussing my nephew (16 at the time) and his new girlfriend and the fact that they sometimes went to the house when no one else was there. I told her flat out that she shouldn’t worry because by the time they cleared out anough space to get horizontal that they would be too exhausted to do anything.

The best outcome is for my brother to get custody – of course no one actually has custody because that would mean that my brother and sister-in-law actaully DEALT with something properly…currently she has them an average of 4-5 days a week with my brother getting the rest but their MO is just to fight it out…constantly.

And my brother …who’s no prize either…is unemployed too and lives with my 82 year old mother whose only income is her part time job and social security. I am separated from this by distance and my biggest frustration is money since I see no choice but to help out my Mom. While I would love to see the kids come stay with her and my brother and it would be the best outcome, it would be costly for me as I already am helping out with support and this will mean even more, probably.

Anyway, thanks for listening to the rant, ranting is really all I can do as ALL ADVICE THAT I GIVE IS IGNORED, I just come in with the bailouts when everything explodes.

12

Filth. Sordor. Ordure.

Any of these crinkling your nose, Heathcliff? Or is it all still jodhpurs and monocles?

13

Man, I’m glad I don’t have this problem. I have zero attachment to objects, and neither does my wife. We make a yearly event out of going through everything we own and getting rid of shit we haven’t used in a long time. It feels great, and keeps our home clean and functional.

My brother, however, married a hoarder. It drives him up a wall.

14

Note: This is the Pit.

The word is FUCK.

As in “Wake the fuck up and grab a broom”.