War of the Lizzie Bordens

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Up here in Salem they’re always trying to open up something new to sucker in the tourists. We’ve got have a dozen Witch Museums of various kinds. The one on the Common is doing best because a.) it’s on the Common, and b.) it’s got the statue of first settler Roger Conant in front of it. He’s wearing a tall conical pilgrim-style hat, so a lot of tourists who don’t read signs think he’s supposed to be a witch. Nathaniel Hawthorne lived here and worked in the customs house, and they’ve vgot a statue of him, a hotel named after him, and the “actual” House of Seven Gables. But they tried opening a Nathaniel Hawthorne Haunted House and it flopped. There’s not enough witchcraft in The House of Seven Gables (the book) or in The Scarlet Letter, and tourists don’t get excited about Rapaccinni’s Daughter and his other excursions into the unusual. Truth is, Hawthorne’s about as scary as Henry James. So the Hawthorne Museum didn’t go anywhere, even after they yanked in Edgar Allen Poe (who has no Salem associations, and a not very strong Boston association), whose stuff is at least genuinely eeerie.
You’d think they’d learn and use H.P. Lovecraft, who was New England-based, set a lot of his stuff in thinly-disguised New England towns (you can make a good argument for Salem being one inspiration for Innsmouth, although most people opt for Gloucester and Newburyport) But I suspect that Lovecraft’s name isn’t as well-known to the general public.
But everyone has heard of Lizzie Borden, if only because of the little rhyme. And, heck, she was from Massachusetts. So they put up a Lizzie Borden museum in Salem.
This has the folks in Fall River, Massachusetts, furious! Lizzie was from Fall River, and the B&B that her house has become, and the local historical society (which has many of the artifacts, including what may be the hatchet used) want and deserve the business. They’ve filed suit against the Salem usurpers.:

http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2008/09/04/lawsuit_hits_new_borden_attraction/

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2008-08-21-borden-lawsuit_N.htm

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93593156

Here’s what the museum looks liike. I think if you look at this website you don’t have to go to the actual museum:

http://phayemuss.wordpress.com/2008/09/05/lizzie-borden-salem-exhibit-the-bleeder-readers/

Here’s their website:

http://www.lizziebordenmuseum.com/

I’ve been to the B&B. It’s worth visiting, and Fall River can use the bucks. Fall River can’t rely on Battleship Row for ALL its tourist dollars. Maybe they can talk the owner of Lizzie’s later hose (now in private hands) to turn it into a museum, too.

I like the Lizzie Bobble-Heads

2

Their mistake was in going with haunting, rather than simply having webcams in each room and using MILFs with letter A badges as tour guides.

3

Lizzie Borden museum in Salem.

I can say every word in that sentence. And each word, individually, makes sense.

But together? It’s not working.

And, well, an exhibit that seems to have as it’s best feature the replica of Andrew Borden’s grave just isn’t going to interest me. And I’m a bit of a fan of the Lizzie Borden madness.

Shouldn’t they have a matching set of Andrew and Abby Bobble-Heads, instead?

4

What about salt and pepper shakers?

5

It’s not particularly surprising Salem is doing this. I mean, they even stole the witch trial stuff from Danvers.

6

Well, they didn’t manage to get the USS Salem, so they had to make things up, somehow.

Of course there’s something really cynical about doing ghost tours on the Salem. too.