War Viewpoints

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

CNN

[somberly]

Wolfe, Baghdad is experiencing extreme civil disorder as dozens of Iraqi citizens gather in Paradise Square to protest that the electricity is not yet turned on everywhere in the city. I am standing here with Amari Sha’atz Al-jazana, just one of the people in this sea of protestors that I would almost characterize as a crowd.

Mr. Al-jazana, why are you here and what are you trying to say to the so-called liberators?

My foot itch! My foot itch!

Wolfe, clearly the so-called coalition is failing to provide foot powder to these Iraqis who are positively desperate, and as you can see by the looks on their faces, very angry. Itchy feet. Runny noses. Shirts with buttons missing. It is hard for those of us in the west to conceive the horrors that have been brought upon these people by the US and British invasion of their country. One wonders whether they aren’t wishing they had Saddam and Usay back in power. Who knows what the future may hold. Wolfe?

Fox News

[elated]

Shep, the glorious coalition forces are protecting a small group of protestors who, for the first time in their lives, are exercising the sacred American right to freedom of speech. They seem astounded that they are able to stand here and say what they feel. I’m here with Mohammed da-Fa’ai Al-Sarouse who is saying something unintelligible to me in Arabic, but I get the sense that he’s shouting “Thank you, Mr. Bush”.

I know that one of the other networks has reported rampant crime sprees, but as you can see while the camera pans around, there’s no crime. Again, as you can see, there aren’t even many Iraqis here. There’s a few thousand Marines, though. Some of them are wearing flowers in their lapels given to them by grateful Iraqi women and children. I’d say people here are living the American dream. God bless America! Shep?

MSNBC

[…tap tap… …tap tap…]

Is this thing on? Chris? Chris, can you hear me? I don’t know whether you can hear me, but I’m standing here live in Kuwait City where we’re just getting word that coalition forces have crossed the Iraqi border and are heading toward the town of Umm Quasr, an important port city in southern Iraq. I’m going to try to catch up with them and see whether I can get you any information from the front lines. Back to you, Chris.

2

Drudge Report

Saddam Dead

eye shot, according to the sources at the BBC.

3

Al-Jazeerh Network

The American Infidels have not reached Baghdad. Allah and Saddam would not allow it. They merely have several hundred … er, moving postcards of themselves in Baghdad. We suspect satanic influence of something called a “photoshop” (which is expressly forbidden by the Qu’ran) which may have aided them in this devil worship.

Everything the American infidels are telling you is lies. Saddam will provide.

4

The Former Iraqi Information Minister:

No, no! The infidel invaders are not in control of Baghdad. Or Tikrit. Or Mosul, Basra, or the rest of the country. They think they have conquered, but it is all a trick orchestrated by that great military leader, Saddam. They have fallen into the trap, which will be sprung shortly, of taking over our country. They are nothing, they are a snake in the desert. Except they are now a snake in Saddam’s many palaces and love shacks! And the people have expressed their love of Saddam, by pulling down his statues, in order to embrace him! Yes, that’s the ticket…they love Saddam so much they just want to HUG his statue…

5

BBC

Debris is piled high on both sides of the road. In the background, you can hear occasional gunfire and explosions along with cries of anguish from a people who did not ask for this conflict and now find themselves surrounded by outsiders with guns. The hospitals, short on staff, have been flooded with emergency cases — gun shot wounds, mostly. Some of the victims are children. Looting and pillaging are rampant. Not just in government buildings, but in businesses and private homes. The rubble and defaced property are testament to the unrest. Officials tell us that they are doing the best they can, but the people are impatient. They believe they have endured enough, and they are pleading for a restoration of law and order. As I look around me, I cannot help but wonder whether things will ever improve. Reporting live from Los Angeles, this is Giles Hemming.