I have to heartily thank whoever posted the “Chris Elliot appears in this film” warning. I actually check the posters or hit IMDB before seeing a movie just to make sure it is Elliot Free. I’d love to see that no-talent annoying trollbit undergo every nasty WARNING issue on this thread, but only if it were a documentary.
My personal would be: WARNING: This movie consists entirely of exposition without plot.
(Hey, I saw Ghost World this weekend).
Warning: May contain Kris Kristofferson
Warning: This movie contains that damn curly-haired girl from the Pepsi commercials.
Ruined The Insider for me.
Warning: This movie is really good, and will involve you for at least two hours, and will then resolve everything with a shootout.
Warning: Chris Tucker will arrive unanounced and ruin this movie. (cf. Fifth Element)
Warning: Attractive young woman will inexplicably fall for her too ugly / too old costar.
Warning: This movie is rated R, stars one of your favorite actresses, and neither she nor anyone else will appear naked.
I think a variation of this would be:
WARNING: Attractive female protagonist falls for angry / abusive man.
WARNING: The best parts from the book were edited out due to 2-hour limit.
WARNING: The script required the use of “filler” to make it last two hours.
WARNING: Physical comedy. That’s the best we can offer. We are sorry.
WARNING: This movie is called “Bubble Boy.” If you still want to see it, we can’t stop you.
WARNING: This movie contains graphic images and scenes depicting violence. Watch it some time when you aren’t with your girlfriend/wife.
WARNING: This film was based on a sitcom or video game.
WARNING: We didn’t audition very many child actors.
or
WARNING: Nepotism played a part in casting.
WARNING: 80 minute film. Better have plans for the rest of the night.
Regarding rentals:
WARNING: The commercial for the soundtrack comes before the feature presentation and gives away all the scenes (and bad songs) from this film.
WARNING: Sappy, interacial football team will break into song.
Ugghhhh!!!
Warning: Was written, directed, or produced by Michael Bay or Roland Emmerich
Warning: Only favorable review of this movie was done by “Sixty Second Preview”
Warning: Contains Tom Green
Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined that Viewing this Movie May be Hazardous to Your IQ
Warning: Movie characters will not respond to suggestions yelled from the audience
Warning: This movie is worth seeing only for the special effects.
Warning: Contains manipulative soundtrack
Warning: Writer could not figure out how to write the third act, and decided to turn it into something completely different.
Warning: Contains deus ex machina.
Warning: Contains Chris Farley, David Spade, and/or Chris Kattan
Warning: This movie depicts intelligent characters dealing with difficult, complex problems, and does not rely on hyperkinetic editing to build tension. Those with Bay-Emmerich Attention Deficit Syndrome (BEADS) will need to relocate to the cineplex next door, where a two-hour music video is being shown.
Warning: Watching this movie will steal two hours from your life.
Warning: Watching this movie will steal three hours from your life. (Applies to “Pearl Harbor” only.)
Warning: This movie is not as good as the book.
Warning: Political agenda of writer/director/star is aggresively promoted.
Warning:: Any resemblance to real science in this “Star Trek” movie is purely coincidental.
I would say this applies to Titanic as well.
Rated [SK] – Based on a Stephen King novel / short-story / napkin jotting. Approach at risk.
Warning: The classification of this movie as a comedy does not guarantee the presence of significant levels of actual humor.
OWWW good fucking hellaciousness!! That needed a warning… my sinus’s are burning at the thought! gack…
Warning: Contains Oliver Stone like rewright of history. Script contains no actual facts, but will be recieved as such by the 90% of the population that won’t touch a book.
Ever see one of those ads for a new movie where in place of the MPAA rating there is a notice that reads: “THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED”?
The usual reason for this is that the film is being re-edited and re-edited right up until the release date-- so the MPAA hasn’t had a chance to rate it yet.
The usual reason for THIS is that test-audience reaction was poor and the studio is desperately trying to make the movie palatable to the widest assortment of cretins possible.
A few months ago when I saw the “not yet rated” note on the poster for the ill-conceived Rob Schneider yuk-fest “The Animal” I thought for a moment it read: “THIS FILM IS NOT YET FUNNY”
(it may as well have)
I’m with the other people who get upset when animals get hurt- I get VERY upset too. I’d also like warnings about torture, rape, child abuse, and violence against women. My friends know to alert me about any of this, and if any movie is questionable, I will try to find as many reviews as possible that give the plot of the movie, or just not see the movie.
Warning: This movie’s plot takes a ridiculously long time to get going.
(Mars Attacks, for example.
WARNING: Although it looks like a dead good war/disaster movie/historical drama, this film has a gratuitous and entirely fictional love story/sex scene tacked on so we can sell it to the public, cos they wouldn’t want to learn anything, would they?
WARNING: This movie features the senseless death of a sympathetic character with whom you’ll be half in love by the time they peg it.
WARNING: This movie is a load of dingos’ kidney’s.
WARNING: We knew this movie wasn’t going to work by the time we started the photography, but money and pride meant we had to take the whole sorry mess right through to its tragic conclusion in front of your despairing face.
WARNING: Jim Henson turns in his grave at least four times during this film.
WARNING: ADAM SANDLER.
Warning: Film contains inexplicable and confusing ending that will have you arguing in the car all the way home AND lying awake all night, wondering just what the hell that was about.
Warning: Film is based on your favorite book, so you will feel obliged to watch it, while continually realizing that it was made by people to whom the expression “read between the lines” is apparantly meaningless.
Warning: Film is based upon your profession or hobby, yet those involved saw no reason to do any sort of research into this field.
And I gotta back up the embarassing movies with your parents. Believe me, Trainspotting and my mother were never meant to mix
Seconded. There’s a DS9 episode where a Klingon slices his own hand–ack!
WARNING: Contains ‘music’ by Celine Dion
WARNING: Budget ran out half-way through production
WARNING: Title contains the number 3
Warning: Director’s taste was all in his mouth
Rated [KIDZ] audience behavior may encourage use of gunfire
Warning: Non-Star Wars movie produced by George Lucas
Hey! I have a visible ribcage and spine… not to mention hipbones and shoulderblads…
Meany!
[PVO] pretentious voice-over
piling on,
[SB] contains spare Baldwin(s)