This is true - please email it to every parent you know -
THEY TRIED TO DRUG MY BABY ! ! !
The infant pajamas sold at the Gymboree Kids Clothing store apparently emit some type of chloroform vapor that will make your 2-month old baby so sleepy that he will sleep UP TO 8 STRAIGHT HOURS!!! This really happened to us last night as our baby, who has never slept more than a 4 hour block and ALWAYS needs nursed overnight SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT after my wife put him in brand new Gymboree jammies around 10:00 p.m.
We woke up around 6:00 a.m. in a terrible panic, though we were well rested and clear-headed, and immediately jumped out of bed to assess this emergent trauma that had struck our little family. As I rushed to the bassinet assuming I’d find a comatose infant my wife was already on the cordless phone and was two-thirds of the way through dialing NINE-ONE-ONE when I picked up our child and he immediately started pooping his pants and crying!
Thankfully, this time, we were lucky, although my wife did tip over and fell down because her engorged breasts made her so top-heavy.
I’ve already emailed off an angry message to Gymboree and CC’d my attorney, my congressman, the media (including Geraldo) and Tom Ridge. Now it is up to you to forward this to all parents of babies, expectant parents, grandparents, neighbors of parents of babies, neighbors of expectant parents, neighbors of grandparents, friends with babies, friends expecting babies and neighbors of friends - either with babies or expecting babies.
To assure you that this is NOT a HOAX I spoke today with a woman in our office that has a friend who used to date a guy who’s first wife was the cleaning lady for the BabyGap corporate offices, and she said that this cleaning lady had once seen a partially shredded memo indicating that one of BG’s major competitors had a new director of R&D who is, get this, a leader in the Quasi-Narcoleptic Acceptance Society, an underground group with a stated mission making people SLEEP MORE by any means necessary! What other proof would a reasonable person need?
That’s the worst part about a baby suddenly sleeping for longer hours. You can’t even ENJOY the extra hours of sleep for yourself (or, at least, the peace and quiet) because you keep imagining the baby is dead or dying or comatose and you have to go in and check on it and start looking in your baby-care books about lethargy, etc.
I mean, this is what it is like with first children. I am sure that when subsequent children start sleeping through, the parents just thank the gods.
H8_2_W8, if I EVER make it to Indy again, I promise you I will kill you myself. Slowly. That was a nasty scare. Very well-written, though.
Robin, whose baby started sleeping through the night at 9 weeks, and who still looks in on him in the middle of the night and checks for breathing and pulse.
Jesus, that was almost funny if you know what I mean. First time parent checking in who still checks the nearly 3 year old bambina several times a night to make sure she is still breathing…
As a mom of four, I can assure you: by the third baby, you begin to take everything much more in stride.
First baby, making noise in the other room: Mom runs in to see what Little Darling is up to.
Second baby, making noises in the other room: Mom hollers at Little Darling, “Whatcha up to, Baby?” then ambles in to check just in case.
Third Baby, making noises: Mom hollers to older child: “Is Baby okay? Is there something in her mouth? No? Okay, then.”
Fourth Baby, making noises: Mom cocks head to one side and listens carefully for a split second, then says to concerned friend: “Nope, she’s fine, I can tell.”
Or, my kids’ favorite…
Baby makes noise in the other room: Mom cocks head to one side and listens carefully, then yells, "You put that camera RIGHT BACK in the cabinet where you got it RIGHT NOW. And take your brother’s shoe out of your mouth and NO MORE SQUIRT GUNS and I MEAN IT."
Thanks for the feedback. I’m hoping this will get picked up and emailed around the world and eventually get back to me from some of the people in my office who forward these email warnings.
Yeah, I was pretty sure that the baby was dead the first time he slept through the night. With the second one my first thought when I startled awake was, “Oh, thank God!”
The pacifier thing probably is true! Besides, the dog’s mouth is cleaner than mine!
My mother-in-law raised three children alone (with varying degrees of success!). With her first (my husband), if the pacifier hit the ground she bleached and sterilized it beofre he got it back. With her daughter, she would at least wash it off. By the time her second daughter appeared, she says that even if that bink had ebola on it, it was going back in the baby’s mouth!
I read somewhere that more kids get sick and have allergies because we are such cleanfreaks nowadays. I guess it isn’t good when you don’t get lots of germs and dirt to strengthen you immune system. I promise, more than one child will cure anyone of that!
My first didn’t sleep more than 3 hours in a row until he was about 18 months old. Yeah, seriously. My second is my sleeper- most nights he’ll only wake up once.
My son didn’t sleep through the night till he was nearly a year old. He did it once when he was about 6 months. I woke up at 5am (instead of the customary midnight with him crying to be fed) and couldn’t hear him. RAN into his room, crying mind you, convinced he was dead or something.
So, the upshot is that I alarmed the sleeping baby who promptly woke up and began crying. I alarmed him so well, apparently, that he didn’t bother to sleep through the night again until about 6 months later.
Very well-written, though.