Was this a rude/ignorant thing to say or am I being to sensitive?

[Green_Bean]

@yellowjacketcoder

Second one, eh, while there are gay parents, divorced parents, and widowed parents, I have a feeling a traditional mom/dad parent household is still the most common.

I have no idea if the traditional mom/dad-married-to-each-other household is actually the most common, especially in the OP’s area, but the percentage of households that do not fit that model is undoubtedly high enough that nobody should assume that a given customer lives in such a household.

@turtlescanfly

Funny addendum: My daughter said if she was thinking faster when the lady asked if her Mom collected the stamps she would have said “She WAS” and then burst into tears. Yes, this is the child I’ve raised…:rolleyes:

I think I love you.

[turtlescanfly]

@Lynn_Bodoni

Savor this now. Because in a very few short years, she’s going to be turning that wit on YOU.

:eek:

[turtlescanfly]

@Tollhouse

Alot of kids are allowed to play with their phones or nooks , ipads, etc in social settings where to many people its considered to be indulgent parenting and lazy, spoiled kids. older people have admittedly more social expectations of children. A few months ago, I saw a girl of about 12 in a coffee shop walk up to the hostess, as the hostess was talking to her, the girl was not even looking at the hostess, instead she was looking at her phone, mumbling replies back. The girls grandfather came over and angrily grabbed the phone away and told her to look at the hostess and speak like a civilized human. The girl ran and tattled to helicopter mom who came over and told the grandpa to give back spoiled Sue her stupid phone. The grandpa imo was trying to instill some basic decency into that spoiled kid, but by helicopter moms response, it was easy to see why the kid acted the way she did and didnt even at 12 know something as basic as how to talk to a hostess. Now I realize your daughter was not acting in the exact manner as this, however, many people would feel like a child by eight yrs old should be taught to help out by putting a few items on the belt, instead of playing on a nook as you do all the work

Funny thing is… I usually do make her (and any of my kids that come with me) unload the cart (entirely, I only handle heavier items) as well as bag them (unless they have a bagger, which is rare), reload the cart and carry them into the house and put them away. Any kids that don’t come to the store still have to help carry in and put away (I have a 15 yr old and 12 yr old too). Like I said, this was the first time with the Nook app.

[turtlescanfly]

@Green_Bean

I have no idea if the traditional mom/dad-married-to-each-other household is actually the most common, especially in the OP’s area, but the percentage of households that do not fit that model is undoubtedly high enough that nobody should assume that a given customer lives in such a household.

Thanks, you put this better than I did. I don’t expect people to “know all the intricacies of my marital status” or whatever was said up-thread, but the non-traditional is common enough (without necessarily being the most common) that I don’t think its too much to ask to consider that’s a possibility.

[Saint_Cad]

[hijack]I was standing with my daughter at Disneyland while her mom was in the bathroom. A lady commented that it must be my weekend. [/hijack]

[bengangmo]

@WhyNot

I find both comments part of a pair: she doesn’t think you’re raising your daughter with appropriate gender roles wherein it’s the woman’s job to do shopping. First, she tried to teach your daughter that it’s a woman’s job to unload the cart, and then she tried to teach your daughter that it’s a woman’s job to collect paper detritus from the cashier to finish the shopping transaction.

Which I think is clueless, classless and hopelessly out of date as a world view, but I also don’t think it’s worth more than an eye roll and perhaps a short chat with your daughter about how once upon a time, women ran the household and shopping and men weren’t allowed to do anything but work at a job and mow the lawn, and follow behind the woman shopper to carry the bags, and isn’t it nice that times have changed?

“Don’t let her live rent free in your head,” ~ The Internet.

Wow - project much?

If I saw a kid, any kid, apparently playing with a phone instead of helping I’d be thinking exactly the same thing as what the cashier said. Would I say something? Maybe or maybe not, if I did, it would certainly be intended as a light hearted comment. But seeing the (apparent) behaviour is something that bugs the shit outta me.

As to the second comment, meh.

It’s a Rachael Ray promotion, it’s probably more than safe to assume that more than 3/4 of the stamp collectors are women, and also that if kid is with dad today, she also goes shopping with mum - so why not ask?

I think OP is being a bit sensitive

[bengangmo]

@panache45

I don’t like any personal comments or questions by a cashier. I especially dislike comments or questions about items I’m buying, like asking me “Are these any good?” or “Are you buying these for your wife?” (I don’t have a wife, and it would still be rude if I had one.)

The worst was when a pharmacy cashier commented that she hadn’t seen my mother in a while. My mother had passed away.

So you’re annoyed that
a) The cashier is paying enough attention to know who your mother is, and realise that she hasn’t seen her in a while, and cares enough to ask after her?
b) The cashier may well be thinking of buying something that you have and wants your opinion on how they are?

[bengangmo]

@lavenderviolet

I agree that this is probably what the cashier was thinking. She probably thought that the kid was just playing a game on the Nook while dad was doing all the work, and a lot of people would consider that to be a bad thing. **I imagine she thought she was “helping” by pointing out to dad that the kid could be doing some of the work. **

Honestly? If I saw a kid playing Angry Birds while the dad was unloading all the groceries?
No, I wouldn’t SAY anything, but I would be THINKING, “Man, that is one spoiled kid. Why doesn’t the parent teach that kid how to help out?”

If I were to make a comment - it may be to the dad, but it would be directed to the kid -

On the tactic of trying to get the kid to realise that (I thought) the behaviour was not appropriate

[Girlundone]

[QUOTE=turtlescanfly]
Funny thing is… I usually do make her (and any of my kids that come with me) unload the cart (entirely, I only handle heavier items) as well as bag them (unless they have a bagger, which is rare), reload the cart and carry them into the house and put them away. Any kids that don’t come to the store still have to help carry in and put away (I have a 15 yr old and 12 yr old too). Like I said, this was the first time with the Nook app.
[/QUOTE]
Well, here’s the thing…it doesn’t matter if you make them do it or you don’t make them do it, the cashier was out of line. She can have opinions, thoughts, and feelings toward child rearing, good parenting, use of today’s technology by children, or anything else her little heart desires, but it is not her place to say it to a customer. Not. Her. Business.

I would (and have) told her so.
Cashier: “You know, she could be helping”
Me: “You know, you could be minding your business. Chop chop now, these groceries aren’t going to ring themselves, are they?”

[minor7flat5]

@Phil_CostaMesa

Not me. I assume you’re the man who kidnapped these kids and they haven’t seen their real parents for years, but if I look at you unpleasantly you’ll notice and wait until I get off and kill me,…

Oh, sorry, too much TV.

That explains the deer-in-the-headlights look I sometimes get from my waitress

[Tequila_Party]

@bengangmo

If I were to make a comment - it may be to the dad, but it would be directed to the kid -

On the tactic of trying to get the kid to realise that (I thought) the behaviour was not appropriate

Why is your opinion of someone else’s kid’s behavior relevant enough that it needs to be stated out loud in your work place?

Put me down for the first comment being none of her fucking business no matter how much or why she thought it was true. The second comment was no biggie.

[bengangmo]

@Tequila_Party

Why is your opinion of someone else’s kid’s behavior relevant enough that it needs to be stated out loud in your work place?

Put me down for the first comment being none of her fucking business no matter how much or why she thought it was true. The second comment was no biggie.

Quite Frankly it’s not…

But hey, that’s the way it is sometimes - we all have opinions, we all interact.

Sometimes you may like it, sometimes not. That’s life, and that’s what it means to have a human cashier over a robot.

[Maastricht]

Well, whatever you think of the cashiers remark, it is never okay to be rude in return, especially not if you actually intend to be rude, while there is a lot of reasonable doubt that the cashier intended rudeness.

Also, it strikes me as kind of…easy to retaliate when you feel offended by an uneducated woman in a menial job whose livelyhood depends on being polite 24/7.

If you feel you want to tell anyone how to be less of an asshole, sign up for Amnesty’s international Write For Rights. I’d rather tell the Saoedis to stop stoning women who accidentally said the wrong things, then that I report a cashier to her chef for saying the wrong things.

[Mijin]

@panache45

The worst was when a pharmacy cashier commented that she hadn’t seen my mother in a while. My mother had passed away.

That’s unfortunate, but I would not consider it rude or insensitive.

The cashier remembered you, remembered your mother, knows that she is your mother and noticed she hasn’t been around in a while. Clearly you or your mother had spoken to her before, (s)he considers you good customers, and was just trying to be friendly and make casual conversation.

[Tollhouse]

@Maastricht

Well, whatever you think of the cashiers remark, it is never okay to be rude in return, especially not if you actually intend to be rude, while there is a lot of reasonable doubt that the cashier intended rudeness.

Also, it strikes me as kind of…easy to retaliate when you feel offended by an uneducated woman in a menial job whose livelyhood depends on being polite 24/7.

If you feel you want to tell anyone how to be less of an asshole, sign up for Amnesty’s international Write For Rights. I’d rather tell the Saoedis to stop stoning women who accidentally said the wrong things, then that I report a cashier to her chef for saying the wrong things.

I agree with the sentiment behind this, her comments were so benign I think a person would have to be looking for offense in the world to be so upset over this. When i saw the title of the thread I went to read it expecting to see a post that truly had something offensive in it. Damm if I let myself get upset over such small talk as this which seemed well intentioned and innocent, I wouldnt have time for anything else, because there are sometimes really big offenses in life so I think its wise to save your energy for those. If you dont learn to better filter out small stuff like this, your going to 1) end up making yourself sick in some way, as you get older, because all the stress of the truly big things piled on with stress of getting upset over any little thing equals too damm much stress…2) role model for your daughter a mindset or belief that she should go looking for offense in every daily interaction, rather than showing her how to roll with life and save getting offended for the important issues. Not every offhanded comment by a person calls for hours of analyzing and upset. I just dont think that is a good thing to teach your daughter.

[Zago]

I’m surprised by the amount of posts saying it was ‘no big deal’. I happen to think it was and especially because the OP’s daughter picked up on it. BTW, I get frustrated with kids who act like spoiled brats (although I keep it to myself). This was not the case. The OP acted exactly as I would since I don’t like to create drama but if I was quick witted I would have responded to her comments in a polite way, (‘she’s checking our shopping list’ / ‘her mom and I aren’t together’). That checker should learn how to interact with people in a way that isn’t so clueless.

[Girlundone]

[QUOTE=Tollhouse]
I just dont think that is a good thing to teach your daughter.
[/QUOTE]
His daughter brought the exchange up once they reach the parking lot. I think it would be perfectly appropriate to acknowledge to my daughter that she was spot on, that yes it was a rude remark. He hasn’t gone on and on about it with his daughter. It just seems like overreaction since lots of people are weighing in on it in an Internet forum. That doesn’t seem to be how it went down with the daughter IRL.

There are plenty of things not to teach your daughter, an important one being how not to be a doormat. You do that by assertively speaking up when someone is rude and then leaving it at that.

[Lasciel]

@bengangmo

Wow - project much?

FWIW, I instantly went the same place as WhyNot. I’m in the south, and lower-class women around here, especially the older ones, consider themselves the last bastion of “culture,” which often is focused on traditional gender roles. They really focus on making sure that young girls and boys realize the way things are “supposed to be” since their parents are obviously not doing their jobs and making little Suzie do the shopping and little Joey mow the yard.

I can’t tell you the amount of times that cashiers have made really out of line comments to me, and even to my husband and me together when we’ve been shopping, and it’s always aimed at making sure that I/we realize we’re doing it wrong.

I wouldn’t get annoyed or angry, but if it bothered my kid, I’d be sure to talk to the kid about how things were a lot different when those people were younger, and sometimes people don’t realize things change over time.

(I’m presuming an older lady, and upper-class people don’t work at grocery-store checkout lanes.)

Even if the checkout lady was just making small-tallk, her choice of subject matter and her questions indicate where her mindframe is, and it’s not one that’s positive towards dad handling childcare and grocery shopping and kitchen planning.

[turtlescanfly]

@Girlundone

His daughter brought the exchange up once they reach the parking lot. I think it would be perfectly appropriate to acknowledge to my daughter that she was spot on, that yes it was a rude remark. He hasn’t gone on and on about it with his daughter. It just seems like overreaction since lots of people are weighing in on it in an Internet forum. That doesn’t seem to be how it went down with the daughter IRL.

Spot on, girlundone.. I assure you all that both myself and my daughter are well over it, and it has not impacted our quality of life. I am probably one of the most laid back people you will every (virtually) meet. I only posted about it here because I thought it would make a good discussion (and at 75+ responses, I’d say it was).

BTW, I was raised that it was rude to point out when others were being rude, which is why I said nothing. Not my job to teach them manners, or social skills for that matter.

Also, several people have mentioned her age (assuming she was an older woman). Of course I don’t know for sure, but I’d say she was +/- 3 years of myself (42 years). I hope that’s not what you mean by older!