Wasting the collection agency's time

So I have been a little remiss in paying up the renewal of my Playboy subscription. I recently got the letter from the subscription department threatening possible intervention by a collection agency.

I owe just under nine dollars.

So I’m imagining what it would be like to come face to face with a collection agent at my door seeking to get my delinquent ass to fork that princely sum over.

Agent: Sir, I’m with the collection agency. I’m here about your overdue bill for porn. It comes to a total of … (checks paperwork) … um, $8.97.

Me: Sure thing. Let me just search under the couch for a few more dimes, I’ll be right with you.

Agent: Jesus, why am I here?

Me: So, whaddaya think YOUR commission is going to be? Two dollars? AH HA HA HAH HA HA! Don’t (hands over the money) spend it all in one place!

Agent: I hate you.

You poor thing. If you can’t afford your Playboy subscription, I can only imagine what other financial problems you must be having. That must have been one of the last things to go. Are you keeping on weight OK? Is there anything we can do to help.

HA! I once got an irate letter from representatives of PG&E demanding $1.43.
I don’t remember if I ever paid it. Eek, I’ll find out someday, when it’s turned into $3,723 through dark debt magic.

After ontario’s deregulation of natural gas utilities, apparently the ownership of my (rented) water heater was transferred to another company. There must have been a lot of paperwork involved, as the company sent me a bill for $3.00 in ‘administration costs’. I didn’t pay, instead only laughed.

About six months later, I got phone call from a collection agency which went something like this:

“hello, can I speak with the loser of the house?”
“speaking”
“this joe from xyz collection agency, and i’m calling to inform you that you have an outstanding debt with our client, abc corp.”
“uh huh”
“yes, well it seems that with interest, you owe a total of $3.12”
“and what do you want me to do about that?”
“well, um… we want you to pay it.”
“no”
click.

They never called back. Its been almost three years now. I guess I wasn’t worth the trouble.

Do you know any attractive single women in the Bay Area whom you could recommend to me?

Sort of similar situation:

A couple years ago a new toll express way went into action. You get on – Click! They photograph your licence plate – then when you get off – Click! They photograph your licence plate. A few weeks later, you’d get a bill in the mail and you send in your toll payment.

My co-worker and his wife thought they’d test it out. Got on, then got right off at the first exit they saw. A bill came in the mail for 10 cents.

Now, who the hell wants to write a cheque for 10 cents? The service charge for the cheque would be ten times the invoice. So co-worker’s wife threw a dime in an envelope and sent it off. Apparently, she actually had thrown in TWO dimes by accident. So she received a notice to inform them that she had a credit of 10 cents.

Postage here at the time was about 35 cents for third class bulk mail (plust the costs of paper, envelopes, and the salary of whoever it was on the other end who had to fish out the dime and credit the account). Cost effective?

I once filled out a deposit slip incorrectly at an ATM, doing some math wrong and filliong out the slip for **EXACTLY 10 cents ** more than I actually deposited. Later that week, my bank spend 34 cents on a letter to tell me that they had caught the error and that I owed then 10 cents. Which they simply took out of my account anyway.
Now theres a model of efficiency for ya
:wally
CJ