Watch out for that Mortal Growth Internal Secretion, Y'all

[El_Kabong]

Now I’m thoroughly alarmed. I received the following message today in my company E-mail box:

Savor the life with Mortal Increment Hormone

After the 25 age, our physical structure sluggishly blocks makes
a weighty internal secretion known as Mortal Growth Internal Secretion.
The decrease of it, which regulates grades of other internal secretions
in our trunk is directly liable for all of the largest
common tokens of geezerhood, for example crinkles, white hair,
dropped energy, and vitiated sexual purpose.

Read further intelligence (link deleted)

---

Man, I turned 50 a few months ago, and I bet by now I’m just overflowing with Mortal Growth Internal Secretion. I don’t think I’ve got the crinkles yet, but I’ve certainly dropped my energy someplace, and my sexual purpose has been vitiated for years. Damn, I hope whatever it they’re selling will help.

Posted as a public service for anyone else around here who is feeling the common tokens of geezerhood.

[bluecanary]

That definitely belongs in the Hilarious Spam Hall of Fame
If there really is such a site I don’t know about it.

[Larry_Mudd]

There are a few other obviously mechanically-translated versions of the pitch floating around out there.

Since the 25 age, your physical structure slowly desists carries out a weighty hormone known as Mortal Growth Internal Secretion. The step-down of it, that adapts grades of other hormones in the body is straight liable for all of the most usual badges of geezerhood, for example crinkles, white hair, abated power, and weakened intimate role.

Since the 21 age, your physical structure sluggishly stops makes a grave internal secretion known as Person Increment Hormone. The diminution of it, which controls levels of other hormones in your physical structure is directly answerable for all of the largest ordinary markings of growing old, as furrows, gray hair, dwindled energy, and vitiated intimate function.

Since the 23 age, our trunk sluggishly arrests executes a important hormone known as Somebody Growth Hormone. The step-down of it, that regulates grades of other hormones in your body is immediately responsible for all of the greatest ordinary hallmarks of growing old, for example furrows, light hair, subsided energy, and diminished sexual function.

Bask your lifetime with Mortal Growth Internal Secretion

Since the 19 age, your body slowly arrests carries out a significant internal secretion known as Person Growth Internal Secretion. The decrease of it, which controls levels of other hormones in the physical structure is straight answerable for many of the most common badges of growing old, as crinkles, gray light hair, decreased energy, and weakened intimate purpose.

Savour the living with Person Increment Internal Secretion

Since the 24 age, your trunk tardily discontinues carries out a significant internal secretion known as Mortal Growth Internal Secretion. The decrease of it, that adapts levels of another internal secretions in our body is straight responsible for many of the greatest prevalent markings of geezerhood, for example wrinkles, light hair, fell power, and weakened sexual purpose.

[Larry_Mudd]

…the weird thing is that the original message was obviously English – the grammar is fine, it’s just been indiscriminately thesaurusized.

[JRDelirious]

Well, I guess they moved on to you after they got no business from [ulr=“http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=279582”]spamming me

[JRDelirious]

Or even spamming me

[Larry_Mudd]

Don’t wanna bump your thread, JR, but “katzenjammer” is German idiom for “hangover.” I like it better.

(The idea is that the pain is like having a cat yowling in your head.)

[El_Kabong]

Sorry, JR, didn’t see your earlier thread. Late to the party, as usual. It’s that dropped energy problem, of course.

I’ve gotta wonder what the original language was. French? Portugese? Urdu?

[Larry_Mudd]

Really, it is obviously from an English source.

There’s just a synonym substitution thing going on which makes for strangeness. If you look at it, you can make inferences about the original text and see that the grammatical structure is still intact.

It was probably something like this:

Enjoy life with Human Growth Hormone

After the age of 25, the body slowly stops making an important hormone known as Human Growth Hormone. The reduction of it, which controls other types of hormones in the body, is directly responsible for all of the most common signs of aging, for example wrinkles, grey hair, lowered energy, and diminished sexual function.

Read more information

If it were mechanically translated from another language, the grammar would be off, and there would be some words that weren’t precise synonyms.

[Doctor_Jackson]

…and vitiated sexual purpose.

Huh. One definition of “vitiate” is “to corrupt morally, debase”. And they make that sound like a bad thing.