OK old men, whats in store for me? (Body functions)

Well I’m only 31 and to my horror I’ve already started with the “penis drible” bit. I was just wondering from some of the other older male dopers out there what else do I have to look forward to?:frowning:

You wouldn’t believe it, even if we told you.

If we told, we would have to kill you. (It’s the law of the old guys)

Seriously, more dribble, having less control of your bladder(which doesn’t mean you piss yourself-you just have to think ahead and not figure you can hold it for hours).

Eyesight deterioration, less-hard erections, less sex drive, potential heartburn from foods tha never gave you grief before, hair growing out of the damndest places, loss of muscle mass, gum problems instead of teeth problems.

But the best part is, you are comfortable with yourself and you don’t give a damn about what people think. NOt a bad trade off.

Yeah, dribble-dick you just learn to live with. Get ready for all sorts of little pains and aches you’ve never experienced before.

The ability to focus close-up pretty much fades like clockwork around age 40. Oh, and you may well wind up knowing a dermatologist - skin cell reproduction that is out of the norm is: a.) something you do need to get checked out and b.) the norm.

Love those fatty foods? Me too. They love me back with a burning passion.

And I’ll echo sam’s last statement.

You’re 31 - you’ve got some time on the high horse. Enjoy it; it goes rather quickly.

(Should we tell him about the colonoscopies?)

Don’t believe a word those withered old scrotums tell you. The more you lose your youthful powers, the more you will worry about their loss. You will chew your fingernails to the second knuckle, watch everyone from behind your impenetrable dark shades to see who’s laughing at your infirmities, develop uncontrollable shakes and a high keening whine until you go irreversibly STARK, STARING MAD!
Have a good one.

I am not sure what this penis-dribble thing is and I certainly do not think you should have it at 31. If you have even a slight discharge from the penis (like not even enough to make drops but just some moisture coming out) it could well be a sign of Chlamidia or other STD. Chlamidia and other STDs often show no symptoms so many people have them and do not know it. If you have the leat dobut, get yourself tested.

I think dickie dribble is the inability (even with a really good shake) to fully “clear the pipes” after a tinkle. I’m not there yet, but I can sense those colonoscopies just around the bend.

These aren’t just for old men! But with the proper administration of medical miracles, you won’t feel or remember a thing. At least I didn’t.

And enjoy those higher frequencies while you can (there is no reason to buy a super duper stereo once you can finally really afford it).

You’ll also likely become familiar with a couple or so of what once seemed like exotic medical procedures.

And then…, what was it? Damn, there was something else I was going to tell you…


Crap! I have all this going on right now … at age 30! Plus I can’t hear for shit!

Thankfully, I haven’t yet experienced “piss dribble”. Joy.

Gravity will eventually lengthen your penis to the point that it can be used to direct horses from a buckboard. Unfortunately, your testicles will soon follow.

You will begin to dribble from said penis but like Hansel and Gretyl, you will now have the means to find your way back home.

The time it takes to initiate evacuation of your bowels will increase logarithmically. This does however allow you to catch up on prodigious amounts of pleasure reading.

All that and more :rolleyes:

And Metamucil will become your friend.

One of the upsides - it takes me longer to reach orgasm. SO and I both agree that this is a good thing about growing older. Of course, it takes me a little longer to recover and achieve another erection, but once I do I’m good for hours and hours of fun.

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I think you just get another set of issues, some are better then before, some not. Hang around with
some younger guys, you can see they have dribble too.

Yes, your eyes can change (Ive seen three year olds with glasses), but they stay within normal limits alot of the times. It’s kind of a mixed bag
what you get & you might ask your dad what he got so you might have an idea whats forthcoming for

Try to think back when you were a teenager, I bet there are things you can do at 30 that you
couldn’t do then.

All I can tell you is that once you hit fourty it’s nothing but patch patch patch.

The body stuff I can work out or hide or pluck. The really painful thing about getting older is looking at those nubile young things and realizing that indeed it will absolutely always be a fantasy.

Could we stop with the defeatist crap?

I’m 40, and I have no physical complaints, except for that dribble problem. You don’t have to lose muscle mass after 40–go to a gym and work out. Studies have demostrated that muscles respond to weight training into one’s 90s. Your recovery time will be longer than a 20 year old’s, but that can be adjusted for.

Aha, here’s an advantage for gay men, Lots of hot younger gay guys go for the leather daddy look, and getting laid is still no problem.

I feel pretty good because I have been told at Dopefests that I don’t look anywhere near 40 years old, and my age is usually guesed to be in my early 30’s.

I don’t mean to dis Geoduck in any way but to me “those nubile young things” are just eye candy. I find that the silliness factor far outweighs the sexiness factor. It’s those sexy 40-year-olds that I sometimes look upon with regret.

Hell with all this - the SCARY part is opening your mouth and hearing your father’s voice come out.

How about seeing some lovely young thing out for prom, and realizing you are approaching three times her age?

Doctors, policemen, all younger than you. Having that hottie at the gym call you “Sir”. Working with people who weren’t alive when you graduated college. Noticing that half the guys in People magazine’s “Sexy Old Men” are younger than you are.

When anyone has a question about the 60s, they ask you first. Working with computer people who have never heard of assembler. Having your kids think a record player is cool because they never saw one before.

My nose hairs are longer than my moustache! Hair is growing from my f***ing ears! I went to high school with a bunch of frigging old people! My car costs more than my first house!



No matter how you shake and dance

the last drop ends up in your pants

For some reason this increase when you where lightweight, light colored pants.

oh and

haaiiiiiir growing IN you ears coming out!
(important note, fire is not a good way to clear that up)
For some reason I’ve finally started growing hair on my chest. Do you have any idea how silly one or two chest hairs look?