Ask the old person

It’s obvious from threads like this that many of you young whippersnappers are interested in how old people function, but either don’t know one well enough to ask, or are afraid we’ll beat you with our canes.

So here’s your chance to ask anything. I’m not that old – although I can tap into my IRA without a tax penalty – but old enough to understand and try to explain it.

Go ahead, ask away. No need to shout, this is a message board.

Do you mentally or emotionally “feel” old?

For example, do you sometimes wish to participate in some feat of physical prowess you were able to manage in your 20s but then stop and remember your age and current physical abilities? Or worse yet, attempt said feat of physical prowess and end up hurting yourself or spending the next week in a warm bath to soothe the muscles?

Do you cough and fart at the same time?

When the doctor asks for a sample of urine, stool and semen, do you just give him your shorts?

Do you ever risk letting a fart go anymore?

Yes, if you define “physical prowess” as something like lifting a heavy box. Coming to grips with a gradually declining physique is one of the first signs of aging. In some respects, I’m actually in better shape than I was, say, ten years ago, but the muscles and joints have definitely lost something over the years.

As for emotional and mental states, it’s not so much as that I’m “old” as that I’ve experienced a lot of things, so I’m in the stage of looking forward with a sense of deja vu.

Yes, but I did that when I was young.

I have no problems in that area, sonnyboy!

Do you insist on paying with exact change?

Do you agree with the way young people do things these days, with the having of the babies before marriage and the living together?

Do you have a political party, and has it changed since you got old?

When are you going to join your brethren and retire to Arizona, so you can go 30 on the main artery in the left lane at rush hour with your turn signal on?

Why is your lawn so appealing to young folks?

Why do old people drive huge cars?

Don’t you still live in Tucson? Why are you trying to get more people to live there and drive too slowly while in front of you on the road?

Easy, no obligations other than to take care of the lawn and make it feel soooo good against your bare feet.

Who was President when you were born?

Oh, naive boy… it’s inevitable. They all end up here, regardless of what I want. You’ll end up here in 40 years, mark my words. They all do.

I see you’ve gone for a nap now. We’ll reconvene in the morning. :smiley:

In the mean time, why do you drive so slowly now? I’m sure you used to zip over the speed limit like the rest of us; so what happened?

Are you baffled by technology? I’m only 40 and can’t hardly keep up anymore.

If I have exact change, I’ll use it, as I noted in the other thread.

My son is living with a woman. One of my nieces had two children in a non-married long-term relationship. My only concern is that all parties involved are protected legally.

Strictly speaking, I don’t, but I lean heavily liberal and always have.

One of my friends is already in Arizona. I’ll probably stay in the Midwest, where I can use as much water as I want on my lawn.

Couple of reasons. First, they equate huge cars with being safe. Second, most of us like spongy suspensions. Third, back in the day, little cars were cheap, noisy and generally suggested it was either your second car, or you couldn’t afford anything better.


Actually, you should be grateful we drive slowly. Our reflexes aren’t what they used to be, and those really big cars don’t handle that well.

I wouldn’t say I’m baffled by it, but I find that I don’t really need it. I will admit that HDTV has a really nice picture.

Do you get up before sunrise to wait for the paper?

Do you try to make the early-bird special by getting to the restaurant for dinner at 4:30?

Are you married to another old person and if so, for how long? If not, why not?

Do you have a cell phone, and do you know how it works?

Does it seem like life went by too fast for you, too slow, or just right?

I’m getting up in age myself - do you notice changes in your body hair? I swear I don’t have to shave my once cactus -spiny legs half as much any more, and my arm hairs seem to have turned into soft, soft barely-theres. Yet the damn facial hairs are stornger than ever.:mad:

Oo, oo, I can answer this one. The hair stops growing on top of your head, and starts growing out your ears and nose!

I should note that since Mr. Kunilou was born during the Truman administration he’s not too much older than my dad. I hope I don’t offend him but it doesn’t feel really old to me-my grandmother is eighty-one-now that’s elderly!

“Excuse me, sir. Do you have any spare change?”
starves to death waiting