I’m thirty today! The big three-oh. In order to fight the “women are over the hill after 30” meme, let’s list any false truisms you Dopers have encountered.
Here’s mine:
My first serious boyfriend told me he got “sperm retention headaches.” He had to have sex regularly or he’d get a migraine. :rolleyes:
Luckly, I didn’t fall for this line, but its the most orginal one I’ve ever encountered.
Women are over the hill at 30? :eek: 
I think you mean that shallow males who judge women on looks only are not interested.
The rest of us chaps realise that a mature experienced woman has many, many advantages. 
I’m not sure about even that. There are many, many 30+ year old women that I find more attractive and sexy than 21 year old media sensations.
My late father, who should have known better, told me that the uniform, round kind of scallops were really punched out of shark meat.
The “sperm retention headaches” line is a time-honored classic. It was in use before you were born, and probably long before that. There’s a shred of truth to it, but it isn’t the head that hurts. Going a long time without ejaculation sometimes results in a swollen prostate. However, every man who can reach his own penis can solve the problem on his own. 
That’s sweet that he was still waiting for his nuts to drop. However, they shouldn’t do so all the way from his head. 
There’s a way to avoid SRH, but it makes your wrist sore.
When I was a kid, Dad told me that capers were Rooster Testicles. Also, that “Kemo Sabe” meant “Stinky Feet.”
Bullshit I’ve been told: Iraq has WMDs.
In the Grrlpower vein: I had a biology professor who told me I must have cheated, because no one could have gotten the right answer.
He was a jerk.
In high school, the health teacher taught us that schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder were the same thing…
You want a list?
Santa Claus
Easter Bunny
90% of the “proverbs” you get quoted to you when things don’t work out so well
the latest medical study
the latest political poll
the latest “news”
… that 42 is The Answer to the Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything… or to anything in fact… (43 Y.O. already now. Nope, 42 was NOT the answer 
)
Oh, and since everybody else seems to have neglected the obvious: Happy Birthday Mouse_Maven!
I don’t want to turn what should be a fun OP into a rant, but I swear, some of the things I was told in church when I was a kid . . .
[ul]
[li]Darwin said that my grandfather was a monkey.[/li][li]Guys who were their hair long are gay (this was in the '60’s).[/li][li]The peace sign is actually the witch’s sign of the broken crucifix.[/li][li]The book of Revelation predicts nuclear war between the United States and the Soviet Union.[/li][/ul]
I mean this isn’t “this is what happens when you die” stuff, they are things that are easily refuted.
Some dishonest restaurants do serve cutouts of fish and describe them as scallops.
Od xourse we wre all tild thet masturbation bauses blindnrss…
William Poundstone, in one of his Big Secrets books, reports this story. He also points out that you can tell if a “scallop” has really come from punchouts by looking at the direction of the muscle tissue (real scallops are adductor muscles, and ought to have radial fibers or fibers parallel to the axis. If they were punched out of pieces of cheaper fish meat, they’d have fbers that ran parallel to one of the flat faces.)
None of the possibly fake “scallops” they tested had tissues running the wrong way. It’s possible that people have done this, but he had no evidence of it, and it’s easy to detect.
I, as a young sprout, asked dad once why a movie was in black and white. He told me because it was the law. Everyone wore black and white in those days.
This reminds me of the tale Calvin’s dad would tell in the *Calvin and Hobbs * strips. I’ll have to make up some lies to tell the mouseling. Being pagan, I’m not sure how the Easter Bunny and Santa are going to fit into the picture.
Are you kidding? The Easter Bunny fits in PERFECTLY! Fertility and all that stuff…
Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want to be encouraging any more fertility right now.
Bullshit from work: We’ll get funding, don’t worry. :rolleyes:
Well, there’s always the “Burning Times” nonsense, and the “once the whole world lived in a great gynocratic utopia of healers and midwives and cabana boys until the mean nasty Sky God Worshippers came from the North and subjugated the wymmyn” thing.
Seriously, the great thing about being pagan is you can make up your own bullshit to tell your kids.
Did I ever tell you my El-ahrairah story, about the coming of Spring? All winter long, the trolls and winter-sleeping plants and animals slept. They slept so long, it looked like they’d never wake up! El-ahrairah, the Bunny God, painted eggs in bright colors and rolled them into the trolls’ caves. The trolls (to whom eggs are poisonous, of course) immediately woke and ran out of their caves, bellowing and screaming. This, of course, woke all the trees and plants and winter-sleeping animals. Every year, we decorate and hide eggs to make sure the trolls wake up!
My son and I together wrote another one about how the trolls got put to sleep in the first place, also by El-ahrairah. Near the Autumn Equinox, they were partying so loudly that none of the trees could get to sleep. So El-ahrairah made apple cider, and rolled a barrel of it into the middle of the trolls. The trolls got drunk on the cider and fell asleep, so finally the trees could drop their leaves (making their “beds”) and pull up a comfy blanket of snow and sleep all winter long.